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It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle Paperback – Illustrated, April 25, 2017
| Mark Wolynn (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
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A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field
Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains—but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited—that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. It Didn’t Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood.
As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over twenty years. It Didn’t Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method, the Core Language Approach. Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words, behaviors, and physical symptoms. Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations. And visualization, active imagination, and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection, integration, and reclaiming life and health. It Didn’t Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that in many cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch.
- Print length256 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPenguin Publishing Group
- Publication dateApril 25, 2017
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.58 x 8.44 inches
- ISBN-101101980389
- ISBN-13978-1101980385
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Editorial Reviews
Review
One of Cosmopolitan’s 15 Books About Mental Health That Everyone Should Read
One of Men’s Health’s 20 Best Mental Health Books to Read in 2022
One of Choosing Therapy’s 10 Best PTSD & Trauma Books for 2021
Winner of the 2016 Nautilus Book Award in Psychology
Finalist for the 2016 Books for a Better Life Award
“This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
“Mark Wolynn does a masterful job of illuminating the ways in which our ancestors’ unresolved suffering, often unknown to us, disables us and binds us painfully to them. He gives us the tools and skills—an approach that combines understanding, imaginative dialogues, and compassionate reconnection—to free and heal ourselves.”
—James S. Gordon, MD, author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression
“It Didn’t Start with You takes us a big step forward, advancing the fields of trauma therapy, mindfulness applications, and human understanding. It is a bold, creative, and compassionate work.”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
“Mark Wolynn’s extraordinary book cracks the secret code of families and proves that you can go home again—once you understand how history made you. Full of life-changing stories, powerful insights, and practical tools for personal healing, It Didn't Start With You deserves a place on your bookshelf next to Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child and Dan Siegel’s The Developing Mind. You’ll never see your family the same way again.”
—Mark Matousek, author of Ethical Wisdom
“Bridging both neuroscience and psychodynamic thinking, It Didn’t Start with You provides the reader with Mark Wolynn’s hard-earned toolbox of do-it-yourself clinical aids and provocative insights.”
—Jess P. Shatkin, MD, MPH, Vice Chair for Education at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Child Study Center and author of Child & Adolescent Mental Health
“After reading It Didn’t Start with You, I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredible results, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.”
—Alexanndra Kreps, MD
About the Author
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Product details
- Publisher : Penguin Publishing Group; Reprint edition (April 25, 2017)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1101980389
- ISBN-13 : 978-1101980385
- Item Weight : 9.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.58 x 8.44 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #288 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Mark Wolynn is a leading expert in the field of inherited family trauma. As the director of The Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco, he trains clinicians and helps people struggling with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive thoughts, self-injury, chronic pain and illness. A sought-after lecturer, he leads workshops at hospitals, clinics, conferences, and teaching centers around the world. He has taught at the University of Pittsburgh, the Western Psychiatric Institute, Kripalu, The Omega Institute, The New York Open Center, and The California Institute of Integral Studies. His book IT DIDN'T START WITH YOU: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (Viking/Penguin) is the winner of the 2016 Nautilus Book Award in psychology. His articles have appeared in Psychology Today, Mind Body Green, Maria Shriver, Elephant Journal and Psych Central, and his poetry has been published in The New Yorker. www.markwolynn.com
Customer reviews
Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2020
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Page 39 revealed why all of this seemed weak at best. I quote verbatim "Uncannily, the Bible, in Numbers 14:15, appears to corroborate the claims of modern science - or vice versa - that the sins, iniquities, or consequences (depending on which translation you read) of the parents can affect the children up to the third and fourth generations". The author proceeds to open Chapter 3 with a Bible passage.
This is where to me, it is very clear this is all unscientific speculation based on confirmation bias and where I throw this book in the trash can.
But I immediately noticed that some things were off about the book. Being that I’ve been in therapy for a little while, have a great therapist now that helps me work through PTSD from abusive parents, this book was incredibly misguided and I’m happy that my BS meter caught on immediately. The author gives a few examples of striking things that happened to ancestors and the fear it passed on to present day people. Solid. I can get behind it. But where it got a little odd was the continuing theory (that I really hoped would die) that if you want to save your life and find meaning, then you need to maintain relationships with your parents and swallow your pride. I was actually so angry and I think it’s so arrogant of the author to assume that anyone who has cut off their parents or abusive family members is doing so because it’s “fun” and gives you power. People are instructed to go no-contact because others have acted abusively and egregiously violating. If I could have a relationship with some boundaries with my estranged family, I would!!!! It’s not like people are not trying and I found it especially shocking where at one point the author said that embarrassing and violating family members are still your family and you must accept them. I totally get it. You must know your story and your ancestral lineage- if you can. But spending the first third of the book talking about how reconciling with your (seemingly not abusive) parents is how you reclaimed your life...yeah I don’t think so. I’m writing this review because I’m concerned about others who are struggling with abuse and do not have access to mental health services and may pick up this book. Reconciling with family members can be a goal of yours IF you feel safe enough but it’s unfair to put the blame on the victim and tell them that they won’t be happy or have peace in their life unless they forgive and reconcile. Shameful book
Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2020
But I immediately noticed that some things were off about the book. Being that I’ve been in therapy for a little while, have a great therapist now that helps me work through PTSD from abusive parents, this book was incredibly misguided and I’m happy that my BS meter caught on immediately. The author gives a few examples of striking things that happened to ancestors and the fear it passed on to present day people. Solid. I can get behind it. But where it got a little odd was the continuing theory (that I really hoped would die) that if you want to save your life and find meaning, then you need to maintain relationships with your parents and swallow your pride. I was actually so angry and I think it’s so arrogant of the author to assume that anyone who has cut off their parents or abusive family members is doing so because it’s “fun” and gives you power. People are instructed to go no-contact because others have acted abusively and egregiously violating. If I could have a relationship with some boundaries with my estranged family, I would!!!! It’s not like people are not trying and I found it especially shocking where at one point the author said that embarrassing and violating family members are still your family and you must accept them. I totally get it. You must know your story and your ancestral lineage- if you can. But spending the first third of the book talking about how reconciling with your (seemingly not abusive) parents is how you reclaimed your life...yeah I don’t think so. I’m writing this review because I’m concerned about others who are struggling with abuse and do not have access to mental health services and may pick up this book. Reconciling with family members can be a goal of yours IF you feel safe enough but it’s unfair to put the blame on the victim and tell them that they won’t be happy or have peace in their life unless they forgive and reconcile. Shameful book










