Top critical review
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Dangerous -- Get out. This book will only lead to you being hurt longer.
on July 13, 2015
This is not just a bad review; this is strong advice to not read this book, for your own good. This book is dangerous because it convinces people in relationships that they can learn to manage the narcissist's behaviors. If you really do believe the person in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you should get resources to leave the relationship as soon as feasible and get help to recover from the damage that's already been done before you've been hurt more. Moreover, the advice wouldn't even work because it requires confronting them about how their behavior hurts you, and narcissists can't handle that. This book asks you to consider what about YOU triggers these reactions in you when the narcissistic acts in erratic and hurtful ways. No. Anyone would react like that to this systematic pattern of damaging behavior. Other reviews here are totally accurate when they say it is victim blaming, but when I was still in the situation I was willing to blame myself just like the narcissist I was dating did constantly. I regret having read this book because I stayed in a relationship based on its advice and now I have suffered for much longer than I needed to. I started re-reading it recently, now that I understand the behavior better, and realized what terrible advice this is and how this advice kept me in a damaging situation thinking I had some power when I didn't. If you are considering getting this book, instead pick one about how to recover from breaking up with or divorcing a narcissist. Also, I would be willing to bet you are keeping secret from your friends how bad the person's behavior really is in order to protect them or so you won't be embarrassed. Write an honest email to your friends telling them what you've been going through and asking for their support. They will be there for you more than you know. I promise you that staying is worse than you think right now and that leaving now is so much better than you realize. Please don't even read this book. I do not want you coming back in six months or a year saying how the advice in this book gave you false hope that things could be alright if you tried hard enough to deal with the narcissist's volatile behavior. When I bought this book I thought I needed to make it work, but I was wrong. I needed to protect myself and this book will give you the opposite advice. The dangerous part is that after the narcissist already has manipulated your thinking, you will believe that there is hope like the book says but at best it will prolong the crash and burn ending, with untold nights of wondering what you could do better between now and then. Other reviews said this and I thought I would be able to handle it better, but once the narcissist had already begun to affect me, this book just pulled me deeper in to thinking there was logic behind his pathology.