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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed Paperback – June 1, 2013
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From the Publisher
―W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
About the Author
Foreword writer Jeffrey Young, PhD, is the author of Schema Therapy: a Practitioner’s Guide and founder/director of the Schema Therapy Institute Schema Therapy Institute of New York.
Preface writer Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is the author of The Mindful Brain and an associate clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Center for Human Development.
- Publisher : New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (June 1, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 224 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1608827607
- ISBN-13 : 978-1608827602
- Item Weight : 10.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #13,954 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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After putting that book down for good, I was offered much better advise from other sources who have been there. And the best recommendation that a person who suffered narcissistic abuse can get is to get away from the narcissist in his or her life as soon as possible. Going No Contact is the best advise that a victim could ever be given. If you cannot get away from the narcissist in your life, for example because you share custody of your children, then keep your contact to a minimum. But applying what this book suggest, heck, no!
There are other much better books that can help a victim than this one, like the ones listed below, not necessarily in that order, but worth a try each and everyone of them. Summarizing, I do not recommend Disarming the Narcissist. Either way, if you're a victim of abuse by someone with NPD, or you suspect the person might be a narcissist, first get support from certified professionals with actual experience with NPD, which is not something easy to detect in a person since a narcissist projects a charming image of themselves that can fool even the most trained individual. Get also support from the Domestic Abuse Hot Line, if needed. Don't do this alone. Recovery can take years, if not a lifetime. In the meantime, if you need to start your healing process on your own, if you need to learn more about NPD to find out if you may actually be dealing with NPD, try to get hold of any of these other books listed below.
Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
We gave all the compassion and empathy we could, but when we stepped out of line, and by that I mean we didn't fawn over a new toy he bought himself instead of buying a crib for our granddaughter, he disowned us for the fifth time.
So this book is nothing new to people dealing with narcissists, but the answers are wrong. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to cut them out of your life, get counseling to help you heal from the trauma they put you through and get on with your life.
Top reviews from other countries
What Wendy fails to understand here is the extreme levels of deviousness intricately in-bedded in extreme narcissism. The only thing you are doing using these tools, is poring more good energy after bad, wasting many more years out of your life, and above all giving the narcissist an insight into what he/she has to do to (what they will see as), playing a different game of getting you to do exactly what they want you to do = forgive them for everything and anything.
They will sit there and pretend to listen, with their ears firmly closed and their eyes firmly shut. All the while martyring to themselves on been brave enough to suffer this hell, whilst trying to hurry you through to the part where you, once again, forgive him/her for their appalling behaviour. That is the ONLY thing they are interested in. Being left in peace to be their awful selves, and get away with it. Preferably without everyone disappearing on them.
I was also interested to note that there were no long term case studies providing evidence that these theorized methods of confrontation and communication have had any success rate. Why? Because they don't exist. If they work, they work for 5 minutes - that's it. An extreme narcissist has a very similar personality description as a socio-path. Personality disorders of this kind are very rarely treatable, if at all. And past a certain age, forget it.
It took me a really long time of trying again and again to have a relationship with my father, and to get my basic needs of love, care and respect met by him. And then one day, when trying for what seemed the millionth time to make him understand how his latest bout of verbal abuse and insult had upset me and also why, (since you have to explain it to them like they are two), and I observed very closely as he digested which 'learned characteristic mask' he would need to adorn to get himself out of his latest mess. And then watched. Watched with the crystal clear vision as he attempted to manipulate, dominate, control and lie his way out of it, just like he had always done. That was the moment when I saw how much time I had wasted on this pitiful excuse for a man.
I have been through intensive therapy twice in my life, and in both cases the prognosis for my issues were the same. My father was my main problem. I had done everything possible to address my issues, whilst he did nothing to address his own.
Neither therapist held fast with cutting close friends and family out of my life, but in his case, it was a clear message from both;
'Until the narcissist changes, and I mean really changes, not just pretends to change, then you are better off staying well clear'.
Good advice. And since accepting it this last time around, I have been much happier and felt more at peace than ever before.
unfortunately not many of the most pathologic narcisists go to therapy and this book is show a way too soft approach to help the victims to deal with the major problematic narcisists and, as such, it does not offer real guidance to the victims on how to recognise and avoid them.
It is probably helpful to people who deal with mild narcisism.