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Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery Perfect Paperback – March 2, 2007

4.6 out of 5 stars 39 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Offers a wealth of ideas and suggestions for raising children without the use of punishment of any kind. --Linda Adams, President and CEO of Parent Effectiveness Training

The world is in desperate need of gentle, caring discipline techniques. Judy Arnall has created a wonderful, nurturing guide that all parents can benefit from. --Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Series Solution books

Judy's book is packed with solid information on child discipline from an attachment theory perspective. I particularly appreciated the focus on prevention of misbehaviour. The breakdown of typical development by age and stage and how that impacts discipline is particularly helpful. There are good solid tips for parents of children of all ages. --Kathy Lynn, Author and President of Parenting Today

About the Author

Judy Arnall, BA, is a Professional Parenting and Teacher Conference Speaker, Trainer and Educator for several health organizations, The University of Calgary, a Toastmaster award winning speaker, and mother of five children. She has taught thousands of parents respectful, research based parenting tools that have brought them closer to their children and they will work for your family too.
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Product Details

  • Perfect Paperback: 440 pages
  • Publisher: Professional Parenting Canada; 1st edition (March 2, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0978050908
  • ISBN-13: 978-0978050900
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (39 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #338,302 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By J. Lamberjack on October 22, 2009
Format: Perfect Paperback Verified Purchase
As I was learning how to discipline my strong-willed 18 month old, I was reading a lot about how to discipline. Included in these books (I had NOT yet read Discipline Without Distress) were the benefits of spanking by very good and some Christian well intentioned people that I truly believe love children. However, as my son became more defiant, he seemed to be getting spanked more and more and it wasn't working. I was hardly doing more than tapping his bottom, but it was breaking his heart, breaking mine that I felt I had to do it, and it didn't seem to be solving his 'normal for age' behavioral issues. That is when I did some more searching on Amazon for some alternatives to spanking.

Discipline Without Distress has been well researched! It breaks down for you where your child is developmentally at each age and SEVERAL EXAMPLES of how to act in numerous situations. We parents like concrete examples! Strong-willed children or high needs children DO NOT HAVE TO BE SPANKED! It may take much more effort on the part of the parent to be patient and act, not react, but this book will help give you the tools you need.

As for my son, this book seems made for him. Using the techniques in this book, such as redirection for one, is 200% more effective than spanking ever was.

I would recommend reading or buying this book first, before you read ANY literature on pro spanking. Discipline Without Distress is so thorough, I doubt you will feel the need to read pro spanking books.
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Format: Perfect Paperback Verified Purchase
Discipline Without Distress? Well, I wouldn't go THAT far. I love the book though. Putting the advice into action hasn't been easy for me and has required a lot of change in my thinking. My 4 yr old son can be volatile and way out of control frequently; he's a wonderful child, but still. I ordered this book when NOTHING was working with disciplining him: spanking, yelling, time-outs, taking away toys, rewards etc. Over a short amount of time - and I mean very short - I could see in some situations how the 'techniques' worked and things had improved for both me AND him. Things I love about the book - it's focus on: building a loving relationship, advocating the child's independent self-evaluation/correction of undesirable behavior, and instilling confidence in me to discipline my child so he learns the true lesson in a situation. The book provides many tools and perspectives that are very helpful. I am very pleased with our progress so far (2 weeks into it now). What I don't like - is really only one thing - and that's the advice to avoid situations that can trigger behavior problems in the child (like eating out, visiting friends, etc). A lot of the situations she names are not avoidable for us. I just try to keep in-line with the overall direction and prepare the best I can with him in advance for the situations that I know tend to be difficult. Bottom line, I highly recommend the book - especially if you feel you've tried everything - and nothing seems to be working.
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I was somewhat skeptical when I ordered this book, but our 6-year-old had been increasingly surly and our 2-year-old was giving new meaning to the phrase "terrible twos." So I slogged through all 300+ pages of this book and was pleasantly surprised. Our 6-year-old has been time-out-free for about a month and I can honestly say that his behavior is not only slightly better, it is NOT WORSE. I thought all hell would break loose once we stopped time outs and withdrawal of screen time, but it didn't. As a child who was raised with spankings, it was a game-changer for me to consider the idea that kids can be disciplined without using punishment. I am also surprised by the insightful conversations we have had when discussing his bad behavior, something I never even thought to discuss in a calm fashion with him before.

I am giving it 4 stars because I wish that the book had given me more help with my toddler. The take home point I gleaned is that her behavior is normal and it will end - not many 5-year-olds go around biting people. However, there's not much to work with right now at age 2, and I guess that is just the nature of the toddler. I have become much better at not yelling since reading this book, and keeping my temper in check enables me to enjoy my time with her more. Of note, I read "Life with Toddlers" also and felt that it didn't help me much either, so maybe the answer really is to just grit your teeth and pray that the third birthday will arrive soon.
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Okay, it is apparent that Judy, the author loves and adores kids. What better expert to write a book like this. Her book is PACKED with tools and information that will leave any parent feeling very confident. She is an advocate of positive parenting and is an incredible asset to the field of raising kids in a humane and loving way. Two cheers for Judy!

Other books that you may find helpful are: Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, How To Talk So Kids Can Listen, Got the Baby Where's the Manual, Between Parent and Child,and Undconditional Parenting.

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT
Licensed Child Therapist
founder, [...]
Author: Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation, and Your Inner Diva
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