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The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome Paperback – February 13, 2002
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From the Back Cover
What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!
"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast
People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.
Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.
Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.
As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
She does not assume that everyone has the same challenges. Reflecting that premise, at the beginning of most all sections she provides a list of questions for the reader to answer so they can tell how much they may or may not need the concepts that follow. You don't have to read it from start to finish. Instead, take the first test and jump right to sections that will provide you the most help.
Her ideas are very well thought out and clearly written. The "light turns on" as you read a paragraph and ponder how it applies to you.
If you want everyone to like you and it bothers you when they do not, or if you are addicted to pleasing your employer and work excessively, this is one of the first books I would read.
We've probably all had the experience of reading a letter with a tone not intended by the author, which resulted in a huge misunderstanding of the writer's intent. Well, the content of this book may actually be fine, but you may very well not gain any value from it should you purchase the audio version. Although the reader has clear, defined diction and well-measureed flow to her speech, she utilizes a snooty, condescending, and utterly acerbic tone throughout her reading of the book, making it almost impossible to listen to. It's like being scolded for 3 1/2 hours, and so relentlessly that you miss the message and hear only contempt.
Whilst going through this program I repeatedly had to stop the CD for the purpose of trying to picture the words in print. I would then realize that had I been reading the same text, I would not have intonated so nastily, and would then not find the content so utterly offensive.
I cannot say with any certainty to what degree the reader reflected the actual attitudes of the author. The author does express considerable disdain for people with easy-going dispositions, as well as those in middle management and other less lofty positions in the business world. It could be that the tone of her reading was exactly what was asked for.
On the other hand, people pleasers need to learn that they do not need to be liked by everyone. Therefore, having to endure the beration of the reader may well be good practice in not running away from uncomfortable feelings -- or in searching for a way to appease the displeased.
Whatever the case, those who have a problem with being pathologically nice may well have a problem with the audio version. That is way too bad, because audiobooks are so convenient for this sort of material. In this particular case, I warn against the audio edition. Read it instead.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Wonderful and extremely well written. Gives very good insight.Published 1 month ago by jessica honaker
Great self help book for anyone that is a people pleaser. Will ultimately help you to change that behavior if you really want to change.Published 3 months ago by Retta
This is a really great books. Great section on children's experience with troubled, less-than-perfect parents. Read morePublished 4 months ago by DAG
Even though I had a difficult time reading the book, it provided me with support that I needed at the time. Read morePublished 5 months ago by Amazon Customer
You can come back again and again to the 21 day action plan and put strategies into practice to really disuade yourself from your people pleasing habits... Read morePublished 5 months ago by Amazon Customer