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The Distance Between Us: A Memoir Paperback – Illustrated, March 12, 2013
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Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years in this “compelling...unvarnished, resonant” (BookPage) story of a childhood spent torn between two parents and two countries. As her parents make the dangerous trek across the Mexican border to “El Otro Lado” (The Other Side) in pursuit of the American dream, Reyna and her siblings are forced into the already overburdened household of their stern grandmother. When their mother at last returns, Reyna prepares for her own journey to “El Otro Lado” to live with the man who has haunted her imagination for years, her long-absent father.
Funny, heartbreaking, and lyrical, The Distance Between Us poignantly captures the confusion and contradictions of childhood, reminding us that the joys and sorrows we experience are imprinted on the heart forever, calling out to us of those places we first called home.
Also available in Spanish as La distancia entre nosotros.
- Print length368 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateMarch 12, 2013
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.92 x 8.38 inches
- ISBN-101451661789
- ISBN-13978-1451661781
- Lexile measure890L
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Editorial Reviews
Review
One the 15 Best Books of 2012 ― The Christian Science Monitor
“In this poignant memoir about her childhood in Mexico, Reyna Grande skillfully depicts another side of the immigrant experience—the hardships and heartbreaks of the children who are left behind. Through her brutally honest firsthand account of growing up in Mexico without her parents, Grande sheds light on the often overlooked consequence of immigration—the disintegration of a family.” -- Sonia Nazario, Pulitzer Prize winner, and author of Enrique's Journey
Award-winning novelist (Across a Hundred Mountains) Grande captivates and inspires in her memoir. Raised in Mexico in brutal poverty during the 1980s, four-year-old Grande and her two siblings lived with their cruel grandmother after both parents departed for the U.S. in search of work. Grande deftly evokes the searing sense of heartache and confusion created by their parents’ departure. Eight years later her father returned and reluctantly agreed to take his children to the States. Yet life on the other side of the border was not what Grande imagined: her father’s new girlfriend’s indifference to the three children becomes more than apparent. Though Grande’s father continually stressed the importance of his children obtaining an education, his drinking resulted in violence, abuse, and family chaos. Surrounded by family turmoil, Grande discovered a love of writing and found solace in library books, and she eventually graduated from high school and went on to become the first person in her family to graduate from college. Tracing the complex and tattered relationships binding the family together, especially the bond she shared with her older sister, the author intimately probes her family’s history for clues to its disintegration. Recounting her story without self-pity, she gracefully chronicles the painful results of a family shattered by repeated separations and traumas (Aug.)
― Publishers Weekly: Starred Review
“A brutally honest book…akin to being the “Angela’s Ashes” of the modern Mexican immigrant experience.” ― LA Times
“Reyna Grande is a fierce, smart, shimmering light of a writer with an important story to tell.” -- Cheryl Strayed ― Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail
“I’ve been waiting for this book for decades. The American story of the new millennium is the story of the Latino immigrant, yet how often has the story been told by the immigrant herself? What makes Grande’s beautiful memoir all the more extraordinary is that, through this hero’s journey, she speaks for millions of immigrants whose voices have gone unheard.” -- Sandra Cisneros, author of The House on Mango Street
“The sadness at the heart of Grande’s story is unrelenting; this is the opposite of a light summer read. But that’s OK, because . . . this book should have a long shelf life.” ― Slate
“A timely and a vivid example of how poverty and immigration can destroy a family.” ― The Daily Beast
“Grande consistently displays a fierce willingness to ask tough questions, accept startling answers, and candidly render emotional and physical violence.” ― Kirkus Reviews
“The poignant yet triumphant tale Grande tells of her childhood andeventual illegal immigration puts a face on issues that stir vehement debate.” ― Booklist
“Powerful, harrowing.” ― San Antonio Express News
“Eloquent, honest storytelling. This book would be fabulous required reading for college freshmen or, even better, for freshman members of Congress,” ― Washington Independent Review of Books
“An important piece of America’s immigrant history.” ― BookPage
“Accomplishes one of the great things books can do: make an abstract idea real.” ― Christian Science Monitor
“Heart-warming. . . . Even with the challenges of learning English, earning good grades and fighting her way through turbulent adolescence, Grande emerged as a successful writer whose prose has the potential to touch the generation of youth whose story is so reminiscent of her own.” ― NBC Latino
“Generous and humble. . . . Makes palpable a human dilemma and dares us to dismiss it.” ― The California Report
“Many of us find it difficult to practice diplomacy with our relatives. But when typical family squabbles are complicated by national borders—as they are in Reyna Grande’s excellent new memoir—the stakes are raised far higher than ‘Who’s cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year?’” ― Texas Observer
“Grande never flinches in describing her surroundings and feelings, while her resilience and ability to empathize allow her to look back with a compassion that makes this story one that everyone should read.” ― School Library Journal
“A deeply personal coming-of-age story that extols the power of self-reliance and the love of books.” ― Los Angeles Review of Books
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Prologue
Reyna, at age two
MY FATHER’S MOTHER, Abuela Evila, liked to scare us with stories of La Llorona, the weeping woman who roams the canal and steals children away. She would say that if we didn’t behave, La Llorona would take us far away where we would never see our parents again.
My other grandmother, Abuelita Chinta, would tell us not to be afraid of La Llorona; that if we prayed, God, La Virgen, and the saints would protect us from her.
Neither of my grandmothers told us that there is something more powerful than La Llorona—a power that takes away parents, not children.
It is called The United States.
In 1980, when I was four years old, I didn’t know yet where the United States was or why everyone in my hometown of Iguala, Guerrero, referred to it as El Otro Lado, the Other Side.
What I knew back then was that El Otro Lado had already taken my father away.
What I knew was that prayers didn’t work, because if they did, El Otro Lado wouldn’t be taking my mother away, too.
Prologue
Prologue
Reyna, at age two
MY FATHER’S MOTHER, Abuela Evila, liked to scare us with stories of La Llorona, the weeping woman who roams the canal and steals children away. She would say that if we didn’t behave, La Llorona would take us far away where we would never see our parents again.
My other grandmother, Abuelita Chinta, would tell us not to be afraid of La Llorona; that if we prayed, God, La Virgen, and the saints would protect us from her.
Neither of my grandmothers told us that there is something more powerful than La Llorona—a power that takes away parents, not children.
It is called The United States.
In 1980, when I was four years old, I didn’t know yet where the United States was or why everyone in my hometown of Iguala, Guerrero, referred to it as El Otro Lado, the Other Side.
What I knew back then was that El Otro Lado had already taken my father away.
What I knew was that prayers didn’t work, because if they did, El Otro Lado wouldn’t be taking my mother away, too.
Product details
- Publisher : Washington Square Press; Illustrated edition (March 12, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 368 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1451661789
- ISBN-13 : 978-1451661781
- Lexile measure : 890L
- Item Weight : 12.8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.92 x 8.38 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #24,297 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #12 in Emigrants & Immigrants Biographies
- #16 in Emigration & Immigration Studies (Books)
- #1,159 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Reyna Grande is an award-winning novelist and memoirist. Her most recent titles are A Ballad of Love and Glory, a novel set during the Mexican-American War (March 15, 2022), and an anthology by and about undocumented Americans, Somewhere We Are Human (June 7, 2022). Her critically acclaimed memoir, The Distance Between Us, was a National Book Critics Circle Awards finalist. The Common Reading book selection at colleges and universities across the nation, in September 2016, The Distance Between Us was republished for young readers ages 10-14. The sequel, A Dream Called Home, was released in October 2018. Grande's first novel, Across A Hundred Mountains (Atria 2006), received an American Book Award (2007), El Premio Aztlan Literary Award (2006), and a Latino Books Into Movies Award (2010). Grande's second novel, Dancing with Butterflies, was published in October 2009 to critical acclaim. It was the recipient of a 2010 International Latino Book Award and was selected by Las Comadres Para Las Americas National Book Club. Born in Mexico in 1975, Grande was raised by her grandparents after her parents left her behind while they worked in the U.S. She came to the U.S. at the age of nine as an undocumented immigrant and went on to become the first person in her family to obtain a higher education. She has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Creative Writing and Film and Video from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an M.F.A. in Creative Writing from Antioch University. She is a sought-after speaker at middle/high schools, colleges, and universities across the nation, and teaches creative writing workshops.
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Top reviews from the United States
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I really liked the book's content. Reyna Grande put a human face on the tragedies associated with illegal immigration from Latin American countries to the U.S. She tells the tale of her own dysfunctional, neglectful, and abusive parents and grandmother Evila in their yearnings for a better life for themselves and their children. Papi originally went to "El Otro Lado", the U.S., to earn money for his dream house. However, this dream house was merely a three room house made of brick or stucco with an indoor bathroom and perhaps running water and electricity. His family was living in a shack made of bamboo, cardboard, tar and aluminum. It could not protect them from heavy rains or floods. They barely earned enough to eat and sometimes they went hungry. Yet Mami in her lifetime goes on to give birth to a total of five children. The two born in the U.S. are eligible for and receive welfare. Poor Mexican families do not appear to understand the relationship between poverty and the lack of family planning inherant in their culture. The Mexican government should be giving out birth control for free. It should give out incentives to people willing to permanently end their pro-creativity or to use reliable methods of birth control that do not require participant compliance. The Norplant comes to mind. In any case Papi leaves his three children behind and sends small amounts of money to help his wife support their children. He banks the rest to save for his dream house. The children feel abandoned by their father for whom they have fond memories. His framed photograph occupies a central space in their house. Finally, he sends for Mami and she joins him in the U.S. Papi instructs Mami to leave the children in the care of his mother, Evila. But like her name she is evil. She favors their cousin, her first grandchild by her daughter who has also gone north. Papi and Mami send money for the food and clothing of their children. However, Evila spends most of it on herself, her unmarried daughter and the older cousin. The children are literally starving. They suffer constantly from hunger, lice, and other health problems. They are dressed in rags. The townspeople and other children make fun of them calling them orphans. When the parents phone for a few minutes monthly, Evila stands next to the children to make sure they do not tell their parents how hungry they are. Meanwhile, Papi is sending money to Iguala to build his dream house. Construction is begun and the children help with the building. They believe that as soon as the house is finished they will get their family back. Chinta, Mami's mother lives in a horrible shack made of bamboo while Evila's house is made of adobe. Chinta, a widow, also lives with her unmedicated schizophrenic alcoholic son. So Papi was uncomfortable leaving the children in her care even though she is kindly and loving toward her grandchildren. Mami returns when her husband leaves her for another woman. They fight over their 4th child, Betty, born in the U.S. and Papi shoots at her but misses. This is the first we see that the childrens' idealized image of Papi is unrealistic. When Mami returns with Betty and a few toys and clothing for the children she takes them from Evila's house and moves in with her mother. She works selling sandwiches to train passengers and odds and ends to attendees at fancy parties at the one luxurious venue by Iguala standards in their town. Papi is not sending the family any money. The children are literally starving. Mami finally gets a job at a record store and a second job during her time off. Still it is not enough to feed and cloth four children. Further, she continues to abandon them first for one man and then for another. The children never overcome their feelings of abandonment. Mago, the oldest child, has become the defacto mother.
Finally, Papi visits Iguala. Upon seeing his starving, dirty, and raggedy children, he vows to take them to the U.S. with him. He spends all his money on coyote fees for himself and three of the children. Still Mami won't allow Betty who has a U.S. passport to fly with Papi's new woman back to the states. Mami selfishly keeps Betty. The three children move into their father's one bedroom apartment that he shares with Mila. both Mila and Papi work in a nursing home in Los Angelos. Meanwhile Papi has acquired a fourplex building, but because he must repay all his debts to the coyote, he can't afford to move his family into a bigger unit. The three children sleep in the living room. Still it is an improvement over Chinta's house where they all slept in one room. Here they have indoor plumbing, running water, and electricity. They attend school which is an improvement over their school in Mexico. Most of their supplies and all their books are provided for them. Papi dreams that his children will graduate from college. His father made him quit school when he was nine, and he always resented his father for doing that. He impressed upon his children that they must do well in school, and they did. Mago was the first in the family to graduate from high school and go on to college. Carlos followed. Still Papi regularly beat his children with his belt leaving welts and bruises. He later explains by way of seeking some forgiveness that corporal punishment was the only method of discipline his own father ever used. He had by now become an alcoholic. The beatings arose to child abuse and endangerment. He bloodied Reyna's nose on more than one occasion. I do not want to spoil the story so I will limit my facts to this: Reyna does graduate from college in spite of all the obstacles he places before her. He wants her to go to school, but he makes it almost impossible for her to do so. He is a mean spiteful, and angry man. Meanwhile Mami has traveled north with her much younger boyfriend. They live in one tiny room with their two children, and they share the bathroom and kitchen with other tenants. It appears that as much as Mami says she loves her children, she lacks the concern, empathy and compassion she should have for them. This is not a five star book because the language usage doesn't rise to that level. One must recall that English is Reyna's second laanguage.
Top reviews from other countries
1. The protagonist does not do a good job at being content with whatever is good happy and available in life. It seems for her whatever was lost was always more important that whatever was present at any given moment.
2. Complaining about what all was wrong about everything is easy and so does the author utilize the same; and hence the "darkness" of a dysfunctional family has been portrayed well
3. The author dreams of a perfect life (like all other mere mortals) & it therefore makes her a person easy to relate to in spite of the fact that in the entire account we have only seen her trying to portray herself without flaws & that all flaws were with everyone else around her.
A question to the author: no one on this planet is perfect; and that includes You and Your parents and every human being. What if this entire book was read solely through the eyes of 'Papi' ? Would the book sound and read the same way??













