- Paperback: 216 pages
- Publisher: Sourced Media Books (September 22, 2012)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1937458490
- ISBN-13: 978-1937458492
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
- Average Customer Review: 114 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #157,581 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally: What Women Need To Know About Securing Their Financial Future Before, During, and After Divorce Paperback – September 22, 2012
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By far the most sensible and comprehensive book I have ever read on the topic of getting your finances together before and during the divorce process. I really appreciated Mr. Landers' no-nonsense approach to organizing a divorce team, locating hidden assets and making sure that things end up absolutely fair. His anecdotes about celebrity divorces illustrate his points and provide a pleasant background as well as valuable lessons! This book is a definite winner and should be on the bedside table of every woman contemplating divorce.
-- Rebecca McLeod for Readers' Favorite
From the Author
Thank you for your interest in my book!
Please note that I wrote Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally® for a national audience, and so it does not focus on the laws and regulations of any specific state. What's more, my book is about the financial aspects -not the legal aspects - of divorce. I wrote it specifically to help women learn how to secure their financial futures and come through divorce on firm financial footing.
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Top customer reviews
Get this even if your income is low; you can't afford not to be prepared, regardless.
Something he doesn't say: Make a timeline for your lawyer, include major financial decisions and happenings (like when he/she left or got a big bonus, and also who has the kids and when/how long, when he/she moved out, etc...) Think like a detective and keep documentation, including printing out texts.
This book is a little bit dated, but you will get a thorough list of what to do to prepare for a divorce. Do not hide your head in the sand. Someone needs to take care of you, and he might be gone now, so you have only yourself; separate your emotional wreckage from your care-taker-self, and just do it. You will be glad you did, later on when you have recovered from this, because the aftermath of a divorce is long term. In most states, you can go back for a modification in child support every 2 or 3 years, but this book covers the initial divorce where you divvy up all assets.
UPDATE, 5/2016: My divorce has been final for a long time now. However, having compared notes with so many other women with children, every single one has a story of how their soon-to-be-Ex got them to agree to less child support, less of the assets, or whatever, because they felt sorry for them, or they trusted them for some dumb reason. One woman's story struck me hard: she agreed to a small lump sum because he said he was financially ruined. Turns out that he was lying to her and actually had >10x more than he was claiming to have. He did not support his children, either. She supported her kids on a Walmart job while he got a new wife. (Which reduces him to a DNA-donor at best.) Please put on your no-nonsense hat when dealing with your ex. The least said, the better. You can always give him money later, if you must. But what happens in court is binding; that decree is your only shot at future-proofing your financial future and that of your children. The court believes that the kids should get *the same standard of living at both households,* regardless of everything else. (New spouses and rich girlfriends/boyfriends do not factor in at all; it's not their kids.) The child support will go to whomever makes less (historical salary plays a part.)
Whatever you do, do not lie or otherwise try to mislead a judge. If you must, back out of the court proceedings and tell everyone you need to think about it and then get a new lawyer and a new judge assigned. I had a really Pro-Dad judge (nothing wrong with that) who decided to override my already-agreed-upon decree (not fair to me because I had given up all child support) and wrote in a clause himself because he felt the agreement was not fair to my soon-to-be-ex (who makes more than I do.) I was shocked; and I signed. I could have chosen not to sign it and waited another 2 months for a new court date and a new judge. Stupid me. My lawyer was so inexperienced, he did not advise me one way or another and I thought I had to sign that divorce decree because it could not be changed. Wrong....
Lawyers cannot be trusted 100%, either. If you have a bad feeling about yours, listen to your intuition. Get the docs that they have made to date and go find another lawyer. (Reviews online are manipulated by lawyers, BTW. Try getting a referral from a friend.) Judges are just people and have opinions about what "should" be, and will interpret the law so as to color it to their opinion. A purple shovel still works like a shovel, but most people seem to expect a regular looking shovel! That's what judges do. As an engineer, I had some dumb idea that judges are impartial.
And last but not least, bite your tongue if you have to, but with children you need to remember that your spouse is their beloved daddy/mommy (ok, well, not in ALL cases...some children are abused.) Can you imagine what it would have felt like as a young child if your mom/dad had said nasty things about someone you still loved? Bite your tongue and don't say anything. Take the high road on that one and talk about him to your friends when the kids are not around. Your children will be VERY aware of his flaws when they get older. Until then, they need to feel like they can trust you. I cannot speak to everyone's situation; I am speaking about my own. My parents are still together. And my ex was not a demon, just an idiot. This applies both ways; shortly after my divorce, my brother got divorced (he's a pastor, and it ruined his ability to be a pastor forever when his wife left him for another man, in his denomination. Yup.) But she is an engineer, and now he is getting child support from her. So the shoe CAN go on the other foot...the court will try to even things up with respect to the children. Family court is a racket: constitutional rights do not really exist. If you want to know more, watch "Divorce Corp" on Netflix. It's a really ugly part of the American legal system. Be careful and best wishes.
I couldn't believe how many concerns were addressed. Page after page of valuable information.
I'm more confident in this process as I'm now well informed!
Many thanks Jeff Landers!
For me, it was complicated by an almost complete ignorance of finances--mine, the bank's, my husband's, the world's, my kids, Everything. Insurance? How does that work? What's a mutual fund? Oh, am I supposed to maybe share that? Real financial illiteracy.
So, to have a kindly voice sort of walk through a lot of it was helpful. More than helpful.
Even the very idea that for the court system, it doesn't matter who said or did what, who is hurt, but only who has/owns/needs what and how to split it up.
Every time you are tempted to flip out and make knee-jerk, probably wrong decisions, you can remember to just step back and engage brain before mouth or pen.
One review said it was geared at "rich" people. Beg to differ. "Rich people" have complex money stuff, but money stuff is money stuff, and whether you are looking at alimony or child support of $500 or $500,000, you STILL need to keep the same self-protective principles in mind.
You still need to understand that yes indeed, you can be short-changed, and that what you are doing makes a difference for your and your kids' quality of life.