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Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children Paperback – August 5, 2008
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About the Author
Dr. Ruth Nemzoff is a resident scholar at Brandeis University's Women's Studies Research Center and lectures widely on family dynamics. Her papers are archived at the Schlesinger Library at Harvard University where she also holds a doctorate in social policy. She has served three terms in the New Hampshire legislature and is the mother of four adult children. She lives in Newton, MA with her husband Harris Berman.
Top Customer Reviews
Ruth reminds me that I don't have to stay with these feelings, and that the adult pair, mother - daughter, in this instance relies on two adults who used to have different roles with each other and now must find new ones with their complicated emotions and perhaps outdated ideas of each other. And, Rth reminds me that love is strong, and gives me a path to somehow finding a way.
Even if my daughter never talks to me again, I will know I have tried to communicate honestly. Maybe I can lay the groundwork using Ruth's exercises at the end of each chapter.
Wish me luck, my daughter luck and to yourself, of course. Thank goodness this book exists.
I was unable to find any real advise that I might find useful. In the chapter on weddings, for example, which I could not wait to get into since my wife and I are in the midst of one right now, the advise could be summarized as follows. Modern weddings are complex and there is no easy way to negotiate the potential for relationship problems.
In fact I am about to give away the whole book: "Don't bite your tongue- COMMUNICATE!"
For readers who enjoy anecdotes, there are numerous ones in each chapter.
As a family therapist, I recommend "Don't Bite Your Tongue" to all parents of launching children, since it so clearly delineates developmental issues that are bound to arise as the parent-child relationship moves into it's final metamorphosis.
Book clubs, and parent's groups will find rich material for unending discussion in this book.
The author falsely assumes a measure of grounded mental health in the adult children she speaks of that does not exist in the families of most that would pursue this kind of title; that's one of the reasons people seek guidance in the first place.
A simple example of the author's deluded thinking is the mother on pages 91-92, directly voicing doubts to her daughter's about her financial future with a man she is "enchanted" with...as though one could get away with that line of questioning and have it go over as smooth as silk. Utterly unrealistic, and thus not at all useful. I know that the author has worked with families in the past, but I've begun to wonder just how successful she really was. In the end, I ended up reading passages of the book to my wife at night so we could end the day with a good laugh. Ridiculous.
I wanted a book that would help me identify reasonable boundaries and ways to continually improve my precious relationships with my adult children - functionally adult children not just children of an adult age. Each child is so different in the transition into adulthood and I'm looking for ways to be better at my side of the process.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
The book gives all kinds of suggestions on how to handle day to day type problems that come up with your adult children. I was quite impressed!Published 2 months ago by Stephen
This book was so insightful and really helps the way you can communicate with a parent as well. Ruth recommended this to me and it has made all the difference.Published 5 months ago by Celina
I read “Don’t Bite Your Tongue” in a single sitting and it’s just full of underline-able sections. So wise! Read morePublished 10 months ago by Adam