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Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar: A Collection of Hate Mail And Other Crazy Rumors Paperback – November 16, 2012
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One of the strangest features of this affair was how rigidly and even ideologically some third parties, almost always Danzig fans, reacted to it, as if an observer had to pick a moral faction utterly dedicated to destroying its opposition, in one case going so far as to cast a Satanic curse on the author. It is entirely possible to be a die-hard Danzig fan (as I am and will remain until death, and perhaps beyond... ) while also taking issue with Danzig's behavior, and to see Danny as being within his rights to protect himself. Fortunately for the reader, Danny is also able to make this distinction, and he artfully, amusingly, and humbly injects this basic moral sense into a story that desperately needs it.
While such problems usually signal a rather torturous read, Danny Marianino is actually not too bad of a writer -- and his deeply personal style and the story manage to overcome the errors. As noted in the description, this book concerns the fallout from punching Danzig -- which is a lot more complicated than one would ever imagine. Just for a reflexive action against a guy who was clearly in the wrong and attacked first without provocation, Marianino has been subject to nearly a decade's worth of taunts, threats, insults, and malicious rumors. The book is punctuated throughout with many of the profanity-laden missives, which usually revolve around "unwashed" phalluses, the author's weight, or hatred for Marianino's band, the North Side Kings.
One can only conclude from the barrage of bile that Danzig has his share of idiots for fans; speaking of bad grammar, the majority of the author's critics look like they haven't even passed third grade English. By the same token, there are perhaps too many of the insults scattered throughout the storyline. Many aren't even worth the space, but some are funny -- such as a phony threat from the Church of Satan and conspiracy theories surrounding the incident that make Glenn Beck look rational. The post-punch anecdotes are also amusing, such as getting congratulated (and punched in jest) by Alice Cooper, not to mention kudos from James Hetfield, Kamal Ahmed of the Jerky Boys (who penned the foreword), Henry Rollins and even an unnamed ex-member of Danzig's band, among others.
While one punch might seem like a bit of a stretch for a book-length project, Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar actually didn't lose my interest -- even when the author diverted from the punch to autobiographical details about his house burning down, a bar fight over Journey (really!), and the history of the North Side Kings. While I'd prefer cleaner copy, I would marginally recommend this as a fast, fun read. And if there's a second printing, I hope all the errors are corrected.
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Get cabbage patch? Nothing, right