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I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression Paperback – March 2, 1998
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When Terrence Real was studying to be a therapist, he accepted the notion that women suffered depression at rates several times that of men. Now he believes that conventional wisdom is wrong, that there has been a great cultural cover-up of depression in men. Real is convinced of the existence of a mental illness that is passed from fathers to sons in the form of rage, workaholism, distanced relationships from loved ones, and self-destructive behaviors ranging from stupid choices at work and in love to drug and alcohol abuse. Men reading I Don't Want to Talk About It will probably recognize themselves in every chapter, while women will recognize their partners--and, of course, both sexes will see their fathers in a new light.
From Publishers Weekly
Hidden male depression is the focus of this clear, compelling book by a Massachusetts family psychotherapist who specializes in working with dysfunctional men. Because our culture socializes boys to mask feelings of vulnerability, he says, they bury deep within themselves damaging childhood trauma and its ensuing depressive effects when they become men. This strongly reasoned study starts out with an illustration of the "toxic legacy" that is passed, often for generations, from father to son, with each chapter adding another piece to the complex face. The lucid exposition of ideas is made more vivid through dramatizing. Real uses "composite" cases, so no actual person is depicted except the author himself. One of the most arresting aspects of the book is the autobiographical thread that he weaves throughout. Real's central concern is what he calls covert depression, a pain-filled, inchoate state that may or may not eventually erupt into overt depression. The book is wise beyond its stated scope: in setting up a model for the nature, etiology and treatment of male depression, Real ends up offering-with some gender variants-an almost universal paradigm. BOMC, QPB and One Spirit alternates.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Top Customer Reviews
If western medicine is on top of the male depression issue than why do men exceed women in suicide nearly 4 to 1? Why are there so many psychotic meds available from your doctor? I'd suggest there are many misdiagnosed men who need to address prior trauma and don't have a clue about it.
I've suggested this book to many men and especially any counselor or pastor who works with men.
Spoiler alert: this book will make you look at yourself to examine the causes of your depression and ways to get out of it, but not a single step of this journey is easy or a miracle. Once you open this book, you will realize you aren't suffering alone. Finally, this book tackles unhealthy male stereotypes and tendencies that get us into trouble, sickness, or into an early grave.
DON'T LET DEPRESSION SHAME YOU OUT OF LIVING A FULL, HAPPY LIFE. YOU DESERVE IT!
Terry takes a Trauma Informed look at men and their childhood development. He concludes that men are denied their mother’s support at a critical time in their development: when they are taught to “be a man” by their fathers and the surrounding culture. Their transition from attachment to independence and emotional competence is never resolved.
Boys are admonished by the culture that “men don’t cry,” “your mom will turn you into a sissy boy,” or worse, they are admonished by their peers for being “gay” or a “girly boy” when showing feelings.
His thesis is that men are left susceptible to depression that is often suppressed into a covert form. One of the few feelings allowed readily expressed by men is anger. Anger, driven by deprivation maternal attachment into depression, explodes outward into rage, often directed at women.
Terry is a great writer and believes passionately in his Emotional Focused Therapy like approach to helping men.
And the book works as bibliotherapy, to tease out those suppressed emotions from men in therapy. Men can readily identify with Terry’s personal story and approach.