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I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression Paperback – March 2, 1998
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Michael Kimmel San Francisco Chronicle Book Review Extraordinary...brings to light a hidden history of male depression...A powerful book.
Pamela Warrick Los Angeles Times The most provocative in a flood of new books on depression...The only volume that speaks exclusively to and about depressed men.
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If you, like me, always hated those terms like "toxic masculinity" and "vulnerability" and thought feelings are for weaklings who can't get results, and that SJWs or libs were just using those terms as a way to control men -
Terry Real explains these things in a way that's not patronizing nor shaming. He explains why we feel the way we do and what it does to us and the people around us. He explains why it holds us back. And he does it all in a way that resonates deeply with any man that has felt this way, and probably will resonate with people who've had a man like this in their lives.
Read this if you want to break the dark spell on your life, and protect your children and family from the same.
If western medicine is on top of the male depression issue than why do men exceed women in suicide nearly 4 to 1? Why are there so many psychotic meds available from your doctor? I'd suggest there are many misdiagnosed men who need to address prior trauma and don't have a clue about it.
I've suggested this book to many men and especially any counselor or pastor who works with men.
Terry takes a Trauma Informed look at men and their childhood development. He concludes that men are denied their mother’s support at a critical time in their development: when they are taught to “be a man” by their fathers and the surrounding culture. Their transition from attachment to independence and emotional competence is never resolved.
Boys are admonished by the culture that “men don’t cry,” “your mom will turn you into a sissy boy,” or worse, they are admonished by their peers for being “gay” or a “girly boy” when showing feelings.
His thesis is that men are left susceptible to depression that is often suppressed into a covert form. One of the few feelings allowed readily expressed by men is anger. Anger, driven by deprivation maternal attachment into depression, explodes outward into rage, often directed at women.
Terry is a great writer and believes passionately in his Emotional Focused Therapy like approach to helping men.
And the book works as bibliotherapy, to tease out those suppressed emotions from men in therapy. Men can readily identify with Terry’s personal story and approach.
Spoiler alert: this book will make you look at yourself to examine the causes of your depression and ways to get out of it, but not a single step of this journey is easy or a miracle. Once you open this book, you will realize you aren't suffering alone. Finally, this book tackles unhealthy male stereotypes and tendencies that get us into trouble, sickness, or into an early grave.
DON'T LET DEPRESSION SHAME YOU OUT OF LIVING A FULL, HAPPY LIFE. YOU DESERVE IT!
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I have been able to reflect on my own upbringing and understand where things may have affected my mental state and the book has also given me a deeper understanding of my parents.
IMO Amazon's entire stock of books on-hand should be returned to Scribner, whose name in publishing I have respected for many decades, since all 4 books I have received, including the 2 replacement copies were failing in varying degrees at the lower portion of their binding.
I received the replacement copies very expediently, however due to the fact that this book is considered required reading for me in a course I am taking with a friend, I have found it necessary to select the best 2 of the 4 received to continue reading as required course material. The attached photos are of one of the "better" copies which I have kept and I am now up to page 75 of 383 pages in total personally.
Admittedly, the damage seems mainly at the beginning of the book up to around page 18, however I have little confidence that by the time I am finished reading this book, it will be still be intact or readable in typical form. As a book lover and avid reader I find this totally unacceptable, yet as mentioned I do have the need to read these books now and so I have kept the best 2 copies at least for the time being.
Even though this product was "Manufactured in the United States of America", this recent experience of mine has not been great.
The truth is, I would ultimately like to be reimbursed by Amazon.ca for these defective replacements I have kept and am using now as a show of good faith and responsible on-line retailing.
I see no reason why I should be expected to pay a cent for such a defective product. I'll keep my fingers crossed that Amazon will agree and do the right thing IMO.