Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Other Sellers on Amazon
+ $3.99 shipping
+ Free Shipping
+ Free Shipping
Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide Paperback – March 15, 2012
|New from||Used from|
All Books, All the Time
Read author interviews, book reviews, editors picks, and more at the Amazon Book Review. Read it now
Frequently bought together
Customers who bought this item also bought
“One of THE most brilliant books written on sex and relationships.”
“Barbara Carrellas is the world’s best ecstasy coach, and this book may be the best investment you’ll ever make.”
— Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., sex educator, ecosexologist, artist
“Barbara’s grounded, open-hearted, and respectful approach leads you to discover your own personal ecstasy. This is an important book!”
— Jean Haner, author of The Wisdom of Your Face
“Barbara Carrellas has given us a beautifully adventurous and useful work; be prepared to journey in delight just reading this lovely book.”
— Dossie Easton, marriage and family therapist, co-author with Janet Hardy of Radical Ecstasy and The Ethical Slut
About the Author
Barbara Carrellas is an author, sex/life coach, sex educator, university lecturer, workshop facilitator, motivational speaker, and theater artist. She has authored two books, Urban Tantra and Luxurious Loving and written numerous articles about sex and spirituality. She also wrote and produced The Pleasure Principle, an educational audio series.
She is the founder of Urban Tantra®, an approach to sacred sexuality that adapts and blends a wide variety of conscious sexuality practices, and the co-founder of Erotic Awakening, a groundbreaking series of workshops focusing on the physical, spiritual and healing powers of sex. Carrellas’ pioneering Urban Tantra workshops were named best in New York City by TimeOut/New York magazine.
Carrellas’ is a certified sexologist (ASC, American College of Sexologists), a member of AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists), and a proud graduate of the Coney Island Sideshow School with a double major in fire eating and snake handling.
Top customer reviews
As the title of the book suggests, the premise of the book is that ecstasy is necessary, and starts off making a case for your authentic self. In fact, right in the Introduction, you will find Barbara’s powerful Sexual Permission Slip which I used with permission (here’s that word again) in my Sex Possible online program. It goes on to list a long list of ecstatic experiences to have had – if you’d just notice and open up to the possibilities!
Like a workbook, this book takes you on a journey where you will uncover what makes you when it comes to sex (chapter 3). Without boundaries, we cannot feel safe; and that is explored (chapter 4). Without risk-taking, we cannot grow; and that is encouraged (chapter 5). Without language, we cannot speak our truth; and that is explained (chapter 6). Without tools, we cannot cultivate and nurture ourselves; and that’s in chapter 7.
As you begin to get a flavor of: more than about sex, this book is an exploration of your entire erotic self and the infinite possibilities when it comes to your ecstatic expression. Interwoven with practical exercises, the book promises to give you the permission and possibilities to go where you haven’t gone before. Be sure to check out the Aftercare segment where more resources are provided.
Unlike Urban Tantra which contains exercises for couples, Ecstasy is Necessary is more of a solo journey, which is vital when it comes to learning to deepen your authentic sexual self. I would recommend Ecstasy is Necessary to anybody who loves Urban Tantra, and vice versa.
As she says in her book: "I do sex for the mystical experiences--for the connection to all the disembodied beings and spirit guides I meet in erotic trance. I love altered states of consciousness, and nothing has ever beat sex and orgasm for consistently delightful--and often profound--travels through the cosmos. I have a partner who values sex as passionately as I do--for a completely different reason: she gets high on the intense intimate connection with her partner. With such different reasons for doing sex, we had our challenges in finding a way of creating sex together where she felt the connection she needed and I did not feel constrained."
I probably relate to Barbara's partner more. But the fact that she pushes anyone to have a dialogue with their own sexual nature makes this book useful for people who don't have sex for quite the same reasons as Barbara. You get to decide how you feel and what you want from relationships. Her book is not necessarily line after line about her perspective on sex: it's actually just one huge excellent and resourceful brainstorming get-together, between herself, her collegues, her research, and her polls -- and then bringing them to you to get you to add to the brainstorming your own individual feelings and wants and tie it all together to better understand yourself. You'd only open a self-help book on sex if you were looking for ideas -- and Barbara is never short of ideas.
It would be an understatement to say that she breaks social conventions, widens allowances, and builds an understanding and an adventure of sex -- but I'll say it anyway. In her words: Refuse to dwell on the question "Is this normal?" If you're feeling turned on by something, you can count on the fact that so are at least thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of others. Replace "Is this feeling/attraction/desire/activity normal?" with "What about this could be fun?" "What about this could be liberating?" "What about this could be ecstatic?"
You can tell that Barbara is a healthy individual and promotes healthy relationships -- bottom line. And I think she wants people of all types to feel healthy and happy -- regardless of what unconventional desires they have. Her audience, I think is quite a wide audience -- perhaps it's so wide and far-reaching that it actually lacks practical advice for the traditional sexual person (me). But Barbara Carrellas has been doing this for a long time and she's built her niche. It's a bit of an "anything goes" niche, but once you accept her flavor of sexuality, you can better hear the insights that would relate to you. If you are a person with an untraditional relationship, you'll appreciate how geared she is towards allowing you to accept yourself and to explore your desires in a healthy way.
I've already come to the conclusion that I'm a complete Puritan (in comparison to her) and I'll probably never take any of her practical advice on sex. However, I loved her insights into psychology and her comprehensive way of describing important aspects of relationships like communication and boundaries. I had a huge breakthrough reading her chapter on boundaries. For a long time I've been trying to figure out -- in short -- what's wrong with me? Then Barbara mentioned the term: the Resilient Edge of Resistance. This term means that "without risk, there is no growth or energy; however, without support, risk becomes recklessness." In other words, although we create boundaries partly to protect ourselves from uncomfortable circumstances -- we also push ourselves to the edge and seek risk, because that's what makes our lives exciting, fulfilling, and what perpetuates personal growth. In a relationship, you want an element of safety -- for sure. And you should always ask for those boundaries that help you feel comfortable, instead of constantly traumatized. And yet, you want some element of risk. You want to live safely dangerously. Relationships are meant to be stimulating -- but not traumatizing. Sex, itself, is meant to be stimulating, but not traumatizing; being safely pushed to the edge of unknown territory is partly what makes romance romantic. Relationships are not meant to be stale and typical or predictable and dependable.
Now you can imagine why she gears towards patients who do erotic, "kinky" sexual activities in ORDER to find that extra spice in their lives. We need it. My uneducated impression is that after years and years of seeking ecstasy, she's constantly finding herself expanding her boundaries to do and try more. So, if you're on the verge of expanding your horizons, but you'd only thought about it or were afraid to be judged, then this book is great for you. She brings out your craving to be open-minded, to accept your deepest desires, and to become a completely guilt-free, healthy version of the sexual self you have deep within you. Barbara Carrellas will be that safe voice in your head telling you -- it's perfectly acceptable to embrace your inner desires and to become an authentic version of yourself.
She's coherent, practical, insightful, and resourceful. She's been doing this a long time and she covers just about everything you could imagine (except phone sex. YESSS, it makes me feel less puritanical to do something Barbara didn't think to cover :p) But everything else, aside from phone sex is covered in the book: monogamy, safe sex/diseases, ecstasy, orgasms, different kinds of sex, masturbation -- actually she calls it medibation (or the act of masturbating and THEN meditating), roleplay, desire, homosexuality, breath, communication, boundaries. And she has tons of practical brainstorming exercises or questions you should ask yourself in order to discover your inner sexual self.
Disclaimer: I was sent a copy of this book for free by Hay House in order to review it