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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You Paperback – March 4, 1998
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Forward, who gave us the best-selling The Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them, offers a course on self-defense for anyone manipulated by guilt.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
"Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book!"--Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
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At the heart of emotional blackmail is an unspoken threat which seeks to coerce compliance with an unjustified demand.
In responding to it, we must first come to the realization that there is a difference between making someone suffer and letting someone suffer by their own hand, their own deeds, and their own character. Allowing someone to continue in their own suffering can in fact allow them the necessary opportunity in which to learn the necessary lessons. Rescuing people from themselves not only harms us, it harms them in that it keeps them from learning their lessons.
Let people suffer. Do not intervene between a person’s actions and his own consequences.
Disapproval is ultimately the key to emotional blackmail. In a way, fear, guilt, and obligation pray on our sense of approval. Disapproval is another person’s means of manipulating us by making the relationship contingent upon our appeasement of their unjustified demands and submission to injustice and purposeful manipulation.
Emotional blackmail preys on fear, obligation,and guilt. Its manipulation tactics are either based on instilling fear, or obligation based on guilt. Whether that fear or obligation is real or justifiable is of no importance- only submission is required. Emotional blackmailers use our conscience against us in terms of guilt, and our sense of responsibility against us in terms fo obligation, and our desire for harmony in terms of fear- whether that fear be based on disapproval or their unjustified anger.
You will be surprised at just how far reaching this lesson is when dealing with Emotional Blackmailers and Manipulators. It really is important to remember that we do not at all think a like. No, every body is not generally good and has only good intentions for you. To the predators, those who are door mats and people pleasers are nothing more than easy prey. The manipulators like to create dark black fog to trap you into getting their way.
Remember to always listen to your feelings and don't let anyone discount them. You matter and don't let anyone take your choices away from you. This book is a great tool to help you in your understanding.