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Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts Paperback – July 29, 2014
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“Dr. Guy Winch’s practical, clever and clear-headed book offers proven remedies for the myriad pains of daily life. Timely application will prevent small and medium-size emotional ills from becoming bigger ones—and that’s just what the psychotherapist ordered.”—Jeanne Safer, PhD, author of Cain’s Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and Regret
“The advice Winch offers in this refreshingly useful book is both practical and practicable—down-to-earth techniques that really can bring relief when things feel like they're falling apart.”—Anneli Rufus, author of The Big Book of Low Self-Esteem
“[An] outstanding work...This smart tome is a valuable additionto the self-help oeuvre.”—Publishers Weekly
“Excellent for all disgruntled souls out there.”—Library Journal
About the Author
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- ISBN-10 : 0142181072
- ISBN-13 : 978-0142181072
- Paperback : 304 pages
- Dimensions : 5.24 x 0.65 x 7.94 inches
- Publisher : Plume; Reprint edition (July 29, 2014)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #27,327 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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1. Rejection--The emotional cuts and scrapes of daily life
Rejections can inflict four distinct emotional wounds, each of which might require some from of emotional first aid: lingering visceral pain, anger and aggressive urges, harm to self-esteem, and damage to feeling that we belong. (p. 17)
* Argue with self-criticism
* Revive your self-worth
* Replenish feelings of social connection
* Desensitize yourself
2. Loneliness--Relationship muscle weakens
Loneliness makes us constantly on guard, prepared for the disappointment and rejection we are sure will come. As a result, we miss opportunities to make social connections and behave in ways that push others away. (p. 53)
* Remove your negatively tinted glasses
* Identify your self-defeating behaviors
* Take on the other person's perspective
* Deepen your emotional bonds
* Create opportunities for social connection
* Adopt a best friend
3. Loss and Trauma--Walking on broken bones
Loss and trauma create four psychological wounds. They cause overwhelming emotional pain, they undermine our basic sense of identity and the roles we play in life, they destabilize our belief systems and our understanding of the world, and they challenge our ability to remain present and engaged in our most important relationships. (p. 85)
* Soothe your emotional pain your way
* Recover lost aspects of your self
* Find meaning in tragedy
4. Guilt--The poison in our system
Guilt usually serves an important function by alerting us to when we might have harmed another person or when any actions we're considering might do so. However, if our offense is serious or if we've already made significant efforts to apologize to a person we harmed or atone for our actions in other ways and our guilt remains excessive, or if we suffer from substantial survivor guilt, or separation and disloyalty guilt, emotional first aid is indeed necessary. (p. 119)
* Learn the recipe for an effective apology
* Forgive yourself
* Reengage in life
5. Rumination--Picking at emotional scabs
In order to break the self-reinforcing nature of ruminative thoughts and allow our wounds to heal, we must interrupt the cycle of rumination once it gets triggered, and we should weaken the urge to ruminate at the source by diminishing the intensity of the feelings that fuel it. We must also make efforts to monitor our relationships and to ease the emotional burden we might be placing on loved ones. (p. 154)
* Change your perspective
* Reframe the anger
* Go easy on your friends
6. Failure--Emotional chest colds become psychological pneumonias
When we fail repeatedly or when we respond to failures in ways that set back our confidence, our self-esteem, and our chances of future success, we run the risk of allowing our emotional chest cold to turn into psychological pneumonia. Because much of the anxiety associated with failures can build upon itself, it is best to be prudent and apply psychological first aid treatment as soon as possible after meaningful or bothersome failures occur. (p. 189)
* Get support and get real
* Focus on factors in your control
* Take responsibility and own the fear
* Distract yourself from performance pressure distractions
7. Low Self-Esteem--Weak emotional immune systems
Having low self-esteem weakens our emotional immune systems and inflicts three kinds of psychological wounds: it makes us more vulnerable to psychological injuries, it makes us dismissive of positive feedback and resistant to emotional nutrients, and it makes us feel unassertive and disempowered. (p. 232)
* Adopt self-compassion and silence the critical voices in your head
* Identify your strengths and affirm them
* Increase your tolerance for compliments
* Increase your personal empowerment
* Improve your self-control
Think of this book as first aid for the psyche. And, use as needed until symptoms subside.
Top reviews from other countries
I sat there reading this book shaking my head thinking how stupid I was to buy in to such a concept, but also how ridiculous an unrelatable half of the examples are. Which such profound nonsense as "listing things you don't like about yourself and then coming up with counter arguments" I can only hope that I'm not the only one who thinks this reads like an elongated version of "have you just tried being happy?".
I would give this to someone just to be rid of it, but I wouldn't want to inflict such nonsense on anyone else.
I have already felt a huge change in myself after reading through the first activity of arguing with self-criticism. He mentions in the book that it is possible to see instant changes rather than constantly digging 'deep' and working through the issues. It has definitely worked for me. I absolutely recommend this book.
would recommend to others working or wanting to understand emotional well-being and associated behaviours. Also recommend watching Guy's TED Talk on how to practice emotional first aid as this inspired me to purchase this book
As it may seem obvious that taking care of your physical body isn't innate and must be learnt, I start to believe that many of us may simply be untrained at taking care of our minds and souls.
If you are looking for serious, professional but affordable advice on mental health, you can buy this book trustfully and read it carefully. :)