- Paperback: 352 pages
- Publisher: Bantam; 1st edition (June 2, 1997)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0553375067
- ISBN-13: 978-0553375060
- Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 1.3 x 8.2 inches
- Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 918 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,000,663 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ Paperback – June 2, 1997
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There was a time when IQ was considered the leading determinant of success. In this fascinating book, based on brain and behavioral research, Daniel Goleman argues that our IQ-idolizing view of intelligence is far too narrow. Instead, Goleman makes the case for "emotional intelligence" being the strongest indicator of human success. He defines emotional intelligence in terms of self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy, and the ability to love and be loved by friends, partners, and family members. People who possess high emotional intelligence are the people who truly succeed in work as well as play, building flourishing careers and lasting, meaningful relationships. Because emotional intelligence isn't fixed at birth, Goleman outlines how adults as well as parents of young children can sow the seeds.
"Impressive in its scope and depth, staggering in its implications, Emotional Intelligence gives us an entirely new way of looking at the root causes of many of the ills of our families and our society."
--Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., author of Wherever You Go, There You Are
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1. The ability to handle impulses
2. The ability to handle difficulties and setbacks
3. The ability to handle pressure and anxiety.
Overall Emotional Intelligence is our meta-level ability to handle emotions and use them to our advantage. I discuss in more detail in the video above.
There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is about the facts. Wisdom is about understanding and applying those facts. Miles Kington quipped, “Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."
Without understanding, everything we know is useless. We need more understanding and that is where emotional intelligence comes in.
I love working in higher education because I get to interact with so many students majoring in a variety of fields. I get to learn about so much just by association. But I also get to see students connect the dots throughout their liberal arts education. The English major may not like his chemistry class and the Biology major probably abhors here art class, but I enjoy seeing these students expand their minds and gain perspectives connecting academic fields together.
Additionally, I enjoy seeing students live in community, learning to connect their academics to the lives. In life changing moments to the mundane of the everyday, this is where students learn emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is one of those foundational works that everyone needs to read. It simply shapes how you think about everything you do and everything you are.
Though the whole book as great, I greatly enjoyed the section on optimism. How optimistic you are about life has a huge impact. Your sense of optimism is more predictive of your success than your intelligence. Giving someone optimism is crucial. “People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. Ability is not a fixed property”
I also found the section on dealing with tragedy or difficult memories particularly interesting. I already knew about the chasm between our emotions and the inability to communicate them effectively. (This is why it is hard to explain the reasons you love someone and why listing pros and cons seems absurd). But I never thought about the importance of communicating terrible emotions into words. “People’s emotions are rarely put into words; for more often they are expressed through other cues.” This is probably why just going to therapy just once can be beneficial. Putting horrible memories into words can help you confine and control the emotion.
This book is a new favorite. It is a must read.
The reason I am giving this a 3-star review is because after listening to the CD, I didn't come away with much practical advice. It's more like food for thought. Also, many of the anecdotes are from childhood (example: person x had something traumatic happen in his/her childhood, now that person exhibits signs of y as an adult). Ok, this is well and good, but it doesn't bring the lesson full circle to say, here's how to unlearn this pattern as an adult.
The one other thing that annoyed me was his voice at times. I want to be sensitive saying this, because I think he is most likely a very caring man who has devoted his life to doing good, but there was a condescending tone to many of the stories. It was almost like, as a listener who was trying to learn from the stories, I was already picking up his disdain for some of the behaviors.
I wouldn't say don't get this, but I'd say to buy with the intention of opening your mind to the concept rather than find practical ways to develop a well honed sense of emotional intelligence.
A word of caution for prospective readers - this reads more like a textbook than a story. It is worth the effort but don't go in assuming the pages will fly by.