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Bryn C. Collins

Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap Paperback – March 11, 1998

by Bryn Collins (Author)

199 ratings

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"Bryan Collins explores the common problem of emotional unavailability from an original, practical, and non-judgemental perspective. This book offers usable solutions to this human dilemma."
Michael Share, Psy.D., L.P.

"Emotional Unavailability is an innotive look at ho a person's emotional style impacts his or her relationship patterns. The book goes beyond definitions of the various styles to provide techniques and tools for change."
James W. Keenan, M.S., L.P.,
Director Power of Relationships, PA

"I kept falling into stories that sounded uncomfortably like some that litter my own personal landscape."
Trudi Hahn
Minneapolis Star Tribune

"Bryn Collins examines the reasons we get into painful, frustrating relationships, and how we can make positive changes without blaming ourselves."
Gerrie E. Summers
Today's Black Woman

In this groundbreaking book, psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with an emotionally unavailable person. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, she profiles the mos common types of emotionally unavailable partners, then offers the skills you need to change these painful associations. Based on her extensive clinical experience, she offers ways to recognize "toxic types" before you get too deeply involved, and she gives the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that teach how to connect with anothe person.

Print length

304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

McGraw-Hill Education
Publication date

March 11, 1998
Dimensions

6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

9780809229147
ISBN-13

978-0809229147
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Bryn C. Collins, M.A., L.P., is licensed psychologist specializing in relationships, post-traumatic stress disorder, families in crisis, and adult survivors of abuse. She has a Ph.D in philosophy.

About the Author

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0809229145
Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill Education; 1st edition (March 11, 1998)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780809229147
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0809229147
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #299,646 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,213 in Emotional Mental Health
- #1,754 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #8,444 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
199 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		72%
4 star		13%
3 star		9%
2 star		1%
1 star		5%

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Top reviews from the United States

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MissBeeMarie

You MUST READ this!

Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2015

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This was a life-changing book for me! It not only applies to intimate relationships, but it can apply to all interactions with people (i.e. family, professional, and social). As an addictions counselor, this book was an eye-opener, because I read it during a time when I could not understand a man that I was so in love with, but for whatever reason(s), he seemed so vague. I thought it was me. However, after reading this book, I was able to discover that he was EU, because he was narcissistic. I also discovered how I, too, depending on the relationship, have been EU as well in the past. I give this book to my clients, especially the ones who are very co-dependent or in love with being in love, in order to try and help them to better understand their relationships. One line that I have been saying for 4 years to myself, as well as to my clients is "You didn't break it. You can't fix it!" Bryn Collins said it with those words right there! Read the book to understand the connection between you and those who are emotionally unavailable, as well as the possibility of you being the one who is unavailable emotionally! It is truly a great tool!

17 people found this helpful

Helpful

This book helps to understand what being emotionally available looks like, how to handle people who are "emotionally unavailable

Reviewed in the United States on July 23, 2016

Verified Purchase

This book is a must read for everyone. I believe that the "emotional available" human is rare. In our society we are not taught to be emotionally available. This book helps to understand what being emotionally available looks like, how to handle people who are "emotionally unavailable" and those people who are toxic. I couldn't put this book down because it was so relevant to my life. I had a habit of choosing emotionally unavailable/toxic partners but because of this book I will not be making the same choices.

11 people found this helpful

Helpful

Chelle

One of the best

Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2017

Verified Purchase

I bought this book to learn about other people and ended up learning more about myself than anyone else. Most of this is so common sense but perhaps it is too common sense and we fail to see what is staring straight at us which is why this book is so good. It reminds us to look at ourselves and not only those people we interact with. I have given multiple copies of this away to family and friends and highly recommend it.

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Aaron Bachler

One of the best recovery books I've ever read

Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2013

Verified Purchase

I read a lot of recovery books to help others dealing with relationship issues and to also ensure I don't personally repeat mistakes of the past. Most of the books I've read fall into 1 of 3 categories...1. A religion book wrapped up in recovery related text. 2. Look at me and how awesome I am authors. 3. Well thought out, easy to digest recovery material that makes an impact on every page. A few such books in the last category are Codependent No More and Easy Does It. Emotional Availability falls squarely in with those other two books I mentioned. I was hooked right from the intro and that almost never happens when I read a book. I can't recommend this book enough for those that keep finding yourself in relationships where you love with all of your heart only to find your lover pulling away slowly day by day yet having no idea why it's happening. I bought two copies, one for my kindle and one for the recovery group I attend.

13 people found this helpful

Helpful

Kindle Customer

Caught in a trap indeed!

Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2011

Verified Purchase

While I agree that reading this book generated feelings of a kind of sadness within me, it also made me realize that finally the cave door had swung open and light was visible on a subject that was painful and full of confusion. Yes, I am totally able to own my emotional unavailability...and I am not putting the blame totally on former spouse or employers, etc. For me, that wasn't the issue. When you were raising yourself as a child and cohabiting a home where the adults acted more like children than the children...what skillsets are available to you? When those around you demand that you be "seen and not heard" all the while leaving the child to assume the role of silent caretaker at age 5....the child does what it does to survive that. In later years, it leaves the adult with the fact that she is missing some pieces to the puzzle of "grown up" and trying to recap that in your 30's and 40's and 50's is a challenge. What this book does is give another viewpoint...a way of looking at my former marriage that is beyond the pain and hurt...just who were the players there and what were we trying to do within that relationship that was such a mystery to us then?
Plugged so much in the role of survivor, there was so much about my life I didn't know. Armed with some food for thought, perhaps the decoder ring is within reach.

18 people found this helpful

Helpful

Sam

Insightful Yet Compassionate...

Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2009

Verified Purchase

Finally, a book that tells it like it is. The information in this book is presented in a straight-up and direct manner, with vivid examples from real life situations that many of us can relate to instantly. At the same time, the author is respectful of the reader and congnizant of the fact that if you have purchased the book then you probably have a few painful stories of your own to overcome. This isn't just a book about identifying the emotional unavailability of others, but also takes a look at your own potential bent toward this condition and provides some useful tools for increasing your ability to open up to others. When helping us understand the main reasons behind emotional unavailability, the author reminds us that an explanation of the issue is not the same thing as an excuse for the behavior. If your life is negatively impacted by emotional unavailability, this book is well worth the time and effort it takes to read and absorb the information it contains.

8 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

SYNERGY NUTRITION

A must read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 22, 2019

Verified Purchase

Such a well written book. Easy to read and short chapters. I was recommended this book from a therapist friend and it’s opened my eyes as to how I am in a relationship and my expectations oh behaviour for both men and women. It’s brilliant and a must read for everyone. I learnt so much and am a different person.

One person found this helpful

Beth

I read this book some years ago and it literally ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 13, 2016

Verified Purchase

I read this book some years ago and it literally changed my life. I had been in an on/off relationship with a man for eight years, and the introduction alone made me realise he was never going to commit as he kept moving the goalposts. I finally got the courage to get out of that very unhappy pairing after reading this and moved on. Having given mine away once it had done its work I am buying another copy for a girlfriend who is now in a similar relationship. I'm hoping she will see the light too.

2 people found this helpful

L Cooper

Excellent

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 1, 2019

Verified Purchase

An excellent read for therapists and clients

Laura truble

Five Stars

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 12, 2016

Verified Purchase

brilliant

M. Thompson

Very helpful self help book.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 11, 2014

Verified Purchase

Very helpful self help book.

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