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The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It Kindle Edition
Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, includingmany in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. Withgodly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship andaddresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:
- Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
- Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
- Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
- Get safe and stay safe
- Build an identity in Christ
This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’sperspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effectsof emotionally destructive relationships.
“Leslie Vernick powerfully communicates essential truths for anyone even questioning whether they are the victim of abuse. This book is a must–read―not only will it educate the reader to take the necessary steps to freedom, but it will also prevent future destructive relationships. Thank you, Leslie, for having the courage to write this much needed book!”
―Michelle Borquez, author of God Crazy and host of I–Life Television’s Shine
“The Emotionally Destructive Relationship provides a critical first step down the path of healing and growth for those who find themselves stuck in abusive relationships...with no idea how they got there and no idea how to get out. Those who suffer in these relationships and those who want to help them will find a humble fellow–traveler in Leslie. As always, Leslie meets the sufferer and the sinner with compassion, truth, concrete direction, and lots of hope. I look forward to using this book with my counselees”
―Winston Smith, MDiv, director of counseling services and faculty member at Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation
“Emotional abuse is often overlooked, but it is toxic to spirit, mind and brain chemistry. The church rarely tackles it even though the Bible significantly covers it. Leslie wonderfully and practically addresses this tough topic that cripples the body of Christ and our witness to the world.
"The Emotionally Destructive Relationship will be a catalyst to help you see your own story as abuser and victim―and a catalyst to help you let the Holy Spirit empower you to renew your mind and transform relational skills so you will be a lighthouse of hope, shining God’s glory for all to know His love and grace.”
―Karl Benzio, MD, psychiatrist; founder and executive director of Lighthouse Network
“Periodically books come along that fill a significant need in the world of Christian counseling. This is one of those books. Leslie Vernick’s new work helps persons caught up in harmful relationships gain perspective on what has gone wrong and what needs to be made right.
“The Emotionally Destructive Relationship avoids confusing psychological lingo and places the emphasis where it belongs, on the heart of men and women who must seek Christ in order to make changes in themselves in order to make changes in their relationships. Readers will first find themselves in these pages as a victim of harmful or abusive relationships; as enablers of harmful relationships; and perpetrators of harmful relationships.
“Vernick’s treatment of each situation is evenhanded, tull of clinical insight, practical and concrete, and most important, biblical. Readers will walk away with a plan of action on how to change themselves and how to change the patterns of their relationship. I intend to use this book both for the persons I counsel and the graduate students learning how to counsel others.”
―Jeffery Black, PhD, associate pastor of Calvary Chapel of Philadelphia, licensed psychologist, chair and professor of the masters in Christian counseling at Philadelphia Biblical University
“Here is a book I deeply wish didn’t need to be written, but also one I am so grateful Leslie Vernick has had the courage to write. You will be moved by her compassion, be appreciative of her candor, and be helped by her professional skills honed in the trenches of real life.”
―Gene Appel, lead pastor, Willow Creek Community Church
“Often the Christian community negates or minimizes the destructive nature of emotional abuse, which destroys the spirit of an individual and leaves invisible wounds that scar the soul. The Emotionally Destructive Relationship connects emotional abuse to its spiritual roots and provides practical tools to help victims heal. The biblical solution is found in the condition of heart, the renewing of the mind, and the refocusing on one’s relationship with the Lord.
“This book challenges readers to take a united stand against emotional abuse...the cancer that is destroying our families. Our ministry will utilize this book as a valuable tool to train pastors and support group leaders, and in ministering to families in crisis.”
―Brenda Branson and Paula Silva, FOCUS Ministries, Inc., authors of Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis
“If you have been wounded or trapped in a destructive relationship, you are not alone. Your life story isn’t over. These are the life–transforming themes of hope that Leslie affirms as she shares her healing journey, encouraging others to discover what’s wrong in their relationship and find a biblical understanding of God’s solution. As you apply what you read, you will learn how to let go of destructive ways and will heal and grow to become healthier and changed by God’s loving grace. A must–read for everyone longing for assurance of God’s love.”
―Dr. Catherine Hart Weber, coauthor of Secrets of Eve and Unveiling Depression in Women; adjunct professor at Fuller Theological Seminary
“If you came from an emotionally healthy family, are contentedly single or happily married, and have good relationships with every one you know, consider yourself very fortunate! Reality for the rest of the world often involves difficult, painful, and even destructive relationships. Leslie Vernick addresses some of the toughest situations women (and men) face in her book, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship. Written from a biblical rather than psychological perspective, the book gives principles of healthy relationships based on Scripture. If you resonate with what this book covers, I would encourage you to read it for your own understanding and direction. If you are a ministry leader or ‘people–helper,’ please make an effort to get this book. It will give you vital knowledge and skills for being a channel of Christ’s love and wisdom to others.”
―Poppy Smith, international speaker and author
About the Author
Leslie Vernick, a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice, has authored numerous books, including The Emotionally Destructive Relationship and Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy. She completed postgraduate work in biblical counseling and cognitive therapy. Leslie and her husband, Howard, have been married more than 30 years and have two grown children.--This text refers to the paperback edition.
- ASIN : B005MJ8XIK
- Publisher : Harvest House Publishers (August 15, 2007)
- Publication date : August 15, 2007
- Language : English
- File size : 703 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 258 pages
- Lending : Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #120,770 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
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Top reviews from the United States
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Leslie Vernick is a leading authority and personally-experienced voice for SEEING, STOPPING & SURVIVING downright ABUSIVE relationships! Her careful handling of the Scripture is most appreciated and was key for me, personally, to know that ending an abusive marriage would still qualify as "pleasing the Lord". The fact that she places so much value in every person as an image-bearer of God Himself offers excellent guidance as to where the priority of certain institutions (such as marriage, or honoring parents, etc.) can fall--particularly if people are seeking help through counseling! DO NOT BE MISLED--if there is one message that comes through LOUD & CLEAR, it's that ABUSE IS NOT A MARRIAGE PROBLEM, it is a PERSONAL SIN PROBLEM for the offending party, and THAT person is the one who needs individual counseling, appropriate boundaries put on the relationship, and defined consequences for breaking those boundaries in order to preserve the precious life God has given to the victim! LET'S STOP VICTIMIZING THE VICTIM again and again--which happens all too often in a counseling environment.
Many folks in a counseling role, be it professional or friend, find themselves not only at a loss to help from a well-intentioned heart, but in a place that only adds to the harm already done, sadly!! THIS BOOK CAN PUT AN END TO COUNSELING HARM!! Dr. Vernick will give you the appropriate mindset and even questions to ask and counsel to offer, as well as a clearly-delineated path to healing. Much support can continue to be found by the many seminars, Facebook videos, and articles offered on www.leslievernick.com, but starting with THIS FOUNDATIONAL MATERIAL IS CRITICAL to saving lives, literally!!! There is even an appendix filled with helpful cautions for those who are placed in a helping role to someone experiencing an emotionally-destructive relationship. EVERY PASTOR & COUNSELOR should be reading this, since it is only a short time before you encounter someone struggling with this issue, if you aren't already!
Please do not turn a blind eye to those women and men who feel trapped, endangered, and hopeless to ever break free! And, if you are someone who qualifies for such a description, READ THIS BOOK--it will literally SAVE YOUR LIFE, as it did mine!
Top reviews from other countries
My only very MINOR criticism is that, as is often the case, the prose tends to lapse 'naturally' into bible verses which become a substitute for more practical help when so many of us out there are dealing in practical day-to-day issues that surround this type of person and the decisions that need to be made and reviewed. Also by this stage the abused partner (if christian) can be quite anti-God since the concept of God can be often inextricably linked with all the well-intentioned but legalistic efforts/failures. Finding God again seems to happen naturally after letting go of the voices of legalism.
A great book for you if you are confused about whether or not you are in this sort of relationship / for those involved in pastoral counselling of couples. I've already bought other copies for those involved counselling / teaching because it is often the lost dimension of couples counselling (to the wife's detriment). To compliment to this book and to dig a little deeper into these issues i would highly recommend Lundy Bancrofts book, Why Does He Do that? (on the amazon site) which is brilliant.
However, in Mrs. Vernick's book there is an excellent Bible based explanation of things a woman can and should do to turn her marriage arround into the loving relationship that it was ment to be. She gives you step by step directions as what to do if things go wrong. She writes in a very easy to read manner where the most stressed out woman would be able to follow her Biblically endorsed instructions. I knew I had a very problematic marriage, but after I read her book I was able to make an exact diagnosis. I began to follow her steps and I have never felt so good after 28 years of an abusive marriage. She includes tests in her book as well other material and phone numbers that you can call for follow up resources.