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The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing Paperback – September 1, 2004
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An incredibly resourceful read for both women and men. --Whitney Casey, The Houston Chronicle --The Houston Chronicle --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.
About the Author
Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C., has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1988. She began her career developing womens programs in psychiatric hospitals, committed to empowering women. For the last ten years, however, her focus shifted when she observed how desperately men needed healing, as well. She lives in Houston with her husband and their two sons.
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Top customer reviews
How do we know for certain that an unavailable woman isn't handing this over to an available man? We don't. Women have equal ways to be unavailable emotionally as do men.
When I came to the section for women there was very little advice for women as to how to deal with the unemotional man other than to 'heal him'. Is this not asking laypeople to become psychiatrists?
There's another point that really stood out for me - the very fact that a man is emotionally unavailable (or woman for that matter), tends to suggest that he/she regularly stonewalls the other partner. In my humble opinion this isn't just being emotionally unavailable; this is emotionally abusive! Stonewalling is abuse no matter who does it; man or woman. Then the abused are expected to have the necessary tools to heal their own abuser. I can't buy into this theory and find it quite disturbing if I stop and think on different outcomes that could play out after an abuser had read this book. Another critique has already said words to the effect of 'and then he called her a hurricane'.
Having said that, I did find a goodly amount of advice in this book. The premise is excellent, but no offence to Ms Henry, in my opinion it needs a different author who can understand all dynamics of what 'could' be going on.
My comments apply equally to either the man or the woman being emotionally unavailable, and we needn't be married to them.
I have read numerous books in search for a “how to guide” to fix my troubled relationships. The Emotionally Unavailable Man was different from other books in its approach as a flip book with both a female and a male perspective. For the male it provided a simple but effective selection of client proven tools and methods to stop doing damage and to move towards recovering towards a sound loving relationship.
More importantly, it emphasized two elements that I had overlooked in other books. First, reinforced throughout each chapter is that the book’s methods are not miracles that you just start to use and they will work immediately like a hammer, rather that these tools require practice because they will not be natural for us to use. The second element was best captured in her story about how whales are trained - that success “starts at the waterline”, where nothing appears to be happening at all. This was a breakthrough insight for me. I have a conscious understanding now that small failures are inevitable, but that with practice, and a constant focus on positive reinforcement, that my use of the tools could and has delivered small successes, which has lead to more successes.
The path to recovering love is difficult. The methods described in this book have helped me to move forward. I have learned to appreciate that little changes have powerful responses; I accept that I will make mistakes and that using only positive feedback has allowed me to be persistent to try again.
Powerful, client proved tools and methods, approached with positive reinforcement and small, achievable steps.