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The Emotionally Unavailable Man Audio CD – September 18, 2008
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The bottom line is that this knowledge has empowered me. I have changed the way I respond to him. I no longer take his behaviour personally, but instead accept this as a universal problem with many, many men and not just with my man. He's now reading the book and (for the first time with any book he's read) said "it makes sense".
Often self-help books make men feel inadequate. This book instead reinforces that the behaviour of the emotionally unavailable man is entirely normal in the circumstances. It acknowledges their fear and hesitancy whilst gently encouraging them to take tentative steps in overcoming their lifelong conditioning. It is a doable "blueprint for healing".
I don't want to be the "hurricane" (albeit a very quiet one) in my husband's life. I love him, why would I want to hurt him or make him even more unavailable? Perhaps this book and the newfound patience it can engender in partners will lead to these men becoming much more available to us and others in their lives who are important to them. This is the first time I've actually been optimistic that this might be possible. Everybody wants to be understood, and this book takes a quantum leap in helping us to genuinely understand the emotionally unavailable man. Thank you sincerely Patti Henry.
Dividing the book into a men's section and a women's section was entirely apt. Partners absolutely need to be proactive in helping their man in his efforts to change. We need to be patient, encouraging and compassionate. We need to empathise.Read more ›
What makes this book unique -- besides a message that is all about how to have healthy relationships -- is that it's written for both men and women. One side of the book is "for men," then flip it over and the other side is written for the women who love them.
Several times, I had to stop reading just to have a "lightbulb moment." This book is fabulous.
How do we know for certain that an unavailable woman isn't handing this over to an available man? We don't. Women have equal ways to be unavailable emotionally as do men.
When I came to the section for women there was very little advice for women as to how to deal with the unemotional man other than to 'heal him'. Is this not asking laypeople to become psychiatrists?
There's another point that really stood out for me - the very fact that a man is emotionally unavailable (or woman for that matter), tends to suggest that he/she regularly stonewalls the other partner. In my humble opinion this isn't just being emotionally unavailable; this is emotionally abusive! Stonewalling is abuse no matter who does it; man or woman. Then the abused are expected to have the necessary tools to heal their own abuser. I can't buy into this theory and find it quite disturbing if I stop and think on different outcomes that could play out after an abuser had read this book. Another critique has already said words to the effect of 'and then he called her a hurricane'.
Having said that, I did find a goodly amount of advice in this book. The premise is excellent, but no offence to Ms Henry, in my opinion it needs a different author who can understand all dynamics of what 'could' be going on.
My comments apply equally to either the man or the woman being emotionally unavailable, and we needn't be married to them.
Now, I knew he was abused as a child by one of his parents, and I was all too aware of the emotional challenges that brought. I had my own past wounds too. But I was not expecting the heated arguments my husband and I had after we got married as they hadn't been there before. It was so disappointing and heartbreaking, to say the least.
Then I found this book on Amazon. I began reading it myself, and my husband immediately noticed a change in me, a hope, an enthusiasm, a light in the tunnel neither he nor I had seen before. I told him it was because of this book, and he became curious.
So now my husband and I are reading this book faithfully every day, and it has changed our lives, changed our marriage, changed me and changed my husband, a man I was concerned about being so set in his ways due to his age, but he wasn't. He was open to change because he was at the end of his rope too. He cared about our marriage and me and himself that much, and I am so proud of him.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
A great book that I've shared with several men who also liked it a lot.Published 7 days ago by RD in San Diego
Great book and very insightful to see both sides of the coin. The men's side was longer and more in depth than the woman's side, but it was still very informative.Published 1 month ago by K
It helps to know, however I am sick to death that most of these books lay the responsibility for dealing with it back on the other spouse!Published 2 months ago by Summer
It's hard to believe this book is even classified as a self-help book. Its view is so biased that women are the ones who trigger the emotional unavailability in the relationship... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Amazon Customer
This book was extremely helpful in helping me understand the passive man in my life. It validated my feelings and help me to understand our relationship in a way that has helped... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Conner girl
Excellent book. This has helped me out tremendously in understanding things. Now I need to put the suggestions to work. Read morePublished 5 months ago by tina
Reading a book can't fix you, or your spouse, or your marriage, so calling this book "A Blueprint for Healing" is just right. Read morePublished 6 months ago by Jay