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Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents Hardcover – January 5, 2010

4.7 out of 5 stars 9 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


"The Vachons are the leading edge of true social change."
-Laura Vanderkam, "The Huffington Post"

"Kids become whole people when they're raised by whole people-the Vachons show us how."
-Gloria Steinem --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Marc and Amy Vachon are the founders of equallysharedparenting.com, the first dedicated resource for egalitarian parenting from the perspective of both genders. Amy is a clinical pharmacist in a management role and Marc is an information technology specialist. REVIEW:

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee Trade; 1 edition (January 5, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399535586
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399535581
  • Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 1.1 x 8.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,082,604 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I love this book. I am so grateful for the stories, the perspectives and the "outside-the-box" thinking that the Vachon's and the other ESP couples in this book bring to the family life option table.

Disclaimer - I am the Michelle of "Michelle and Jim" in Chapter 2. However, that's as far as my interest goes in writing a rave review. Well, that and the fact that Amy and Marc are exceptionally warm and generous people - though I've never met them in person. I am very proud to be a part of this book and I certainly wouldn't be writing this review for all to see if I wasn't thrilled with the outcome. Amy and Marc have done an excellent job, in my opinion, of representing the Equally Shared Parenting lifestyle, in all of it's goodness and imperfection.

I would never try to convince a couple to choose ESP if they didn't both have the desire to equally share time with kids, family financial contribution, personal time and house care. It simply doesn't work that way - through coersion and persuasion. But if you and your partner have any remote desire to explore the Equally Shared Parenting lifestyle I whole-heartedly, with great passion, encourage you to go for it. It is SO possible! And the best start to that venture is getting this book. You will surely find stories, ideas and models here that you can apply to your own life. Seriously - just get the book and see.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I often get asked what I am going to do after I've done this whole "stay-at-home dad" thing? Leaving aside the insulting nature of the question, I actually do think about what's next. Do I want to go back to work either part-time or full-time? Do I want get more involved in my kids' school? Maybe I should get involved in one or two community organizations? I also think a lot about the impact these decisions have on my family. What will happen to my wife's career if I go back to work? How will my kids react? Is there a way to find a balance between a fulfilling career, being the Dad that I want to be, handling the minutiae of everyday family life, and having time for myself?

The book is a practical guide to how real families have found a way to find equality and balance by first arriving at the conclusions that both parents are "fully capable in all family roles" and "both parents deserve to be full partners, and to have a full partner." ESP is not about score keeping or getting your partner to do more work, but instead consciously recognizing that you want balance and equality in your life and you want balance and equality for your partner. The authors use real couples, including themselves, to illuminate the ESP lifestyle, identify some common mistakes, and suggest some rules to follow if you decide to pursue this model.

Obviously, this would be a hard pill for some couples to swallow. Can Dad really give up control of what goes in Junior's lunch box every day? Can Mom cut back on hours at work to spend more time taking the kids to soccer practice? Yes, this means that career paths might get altered. Yes, this means that partners would need to do things they wouldn't normally do. And yes, this means that tasks might be completed in a different way than usual.
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Format: Hardcover
Really great book that gets into the logistics and common barriers to making the adjustment to modern peer marriage from patriarchal marriage.

Marc & Amy have clearly worked very hard on this, both prior to their meeting and in building their family. Their modeling of this and sharing of it in a personal way is a great gift to all of us.

If you're like myself and struggling to sort these issues out, I highly recommend this book. I grew up in a patriarchal home and found it incredibly stressful and difficult. That alone was enough motivation for me to seek change and to avoid patriarchal marriage myself, but really seeing how such change can work is nonetheless even more motivating. And Amy and Marc remind that you don't have to wait for government action or approval from your peer group or even your own parents. You can make this happen here and now; it just takes two willing, ready and able partners.

In the face of a culture & political economy & religious environment that seeks constantly to put men and women in conflict with each other and to insert a lot of unnecessary melodrama and insecurity in our lives, Marc's and Amy's calmness, candor, and resilence really warms my heart and gives me the sense that there are sane and responsible men and women in the world and hope for our future.

Great job and keep up the good work! I'd love to read a sequel when you're parents of teenagers. :)
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Both my husband and I were so relieved to read this book. We are partners, both with successful and rewarding careers. It seemed utterly backwards that so many parenting and baby books included Dad as a footnote. This book really validated both my desire to be still be able to be a strong contributor outside the home and my husband's desire for his fair share of responsibility at home. Every expecting couple should read this. There is no need for kids with all their joys a and perils to be the sole purview of moms.
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