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I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me Hardcover – June 5, 2012
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“Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at…Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all.”—People
Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by her own golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you—and for God’s sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the human decrepitude around her, she figured Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate? With all of her diverse experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes.
Here—uncensored and uninhibited—Joan says exactly what’s on her mind…And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone—including herself—have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.
- Print length256 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherBerkley
- Publication dateJune 5, 2012
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.88 x 8.3 inches
- ISBN-109780425248300
- ISBN-13978-0425248300
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“More punch lines per paragraph than any book I’ve read in years.”—The New York Times
“Often hilarious, often shocking, totally politically incorrect.”—Liz Smith
“She holds nothing back.”—The Washington Post
“An entertaining rant...The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon...A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews
“Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at...Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all.”—People
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Love may be a many-splendored thing, but hate makes the world go round. If you think I’m kidding, just watch the six o’clock news. The first twenty-nine minutes are all about dictators and murderers and terrorists and maniacs and, worst of all, real housewives. And then, at the very end of the show, there’s a thirty second human-interest story about some schmuck who married his cat. I rest my case.
Some things I’ve hated forever, some are new acquisitions, and some are just passing fancies. Today I hate happy TV weathermen, feminists who believe Gloria Steinem’s great looks hurt her, Gloria Steinem herself, people who mispronounce the word ask, studio apartments, guidance counselors, first ladies, old people. So if any of this offends you, or you happen to love puppies and kittens and the infirm . . . well . . . I’m impressed. I hate you, but I’m impressed . . .
I know what you’re thinking: “Joan, hate is a very strong word.” You’re right, it is, but I use it as an umbrella term, the way mental-health professionals use the word schizophrenia as a catchall for any particular brand of crazy they can’t identify. So when I say hate, I don’t necessarily mean hate. I could also mean loathe, detest, abhor, dislike, despise or resent. See, isn’t that kinder and gentler? If you think this makes you a better person than I am, good. You’re the idiot that actually paid for this book.
For those of you thinking, Geez, Joan seems a little angry, you’re half right. I am angry. I’m also fed up. I’m fed up with the morons and losers and cretins who are cluttering up the planet. Emma Lazarus wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” I didn’t know she meant on my block. But being fed up and angry is better than being depressed. Psychologists tell us that depression is just anger turned inward, but I say, why waste your time? It is what it is and quite frankly I’d rather be angry than depressed. Why? Because antidepressants like Prozac, Wellbutrin and Zoloft can cause bloating—and I hate bloating!!! (I need to go back and add bloating to the list of things I hate. Is there anything worse than not being able to fit into a size two Valentino? I think not. Talk about depressing.)
Product details
- ASIN : 0425248305
- Publisher : Berkley; 1st edition (June 5, 2012)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780425248300
- ISBN-13 : 978-0425248300
- Item Weight : 12 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.88 x 8.3 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #173,723 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #452 in Humor Essays (Books)
- #1,742 in Actor & Entertainer Biographies
- #1,970 in Fiction Satire
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author

Joan Alexandra Molinsky (June 8, 1933 – September 4, 2014), better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.
Rivers came to prominence in 1965 as a guest on The Tonight Show. Hosted by her mentor, Johnny Carson, the show established Rivers' comedic style. In 1986, with her own rival program, The Late Show with Joan Rivers, Rivers became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show. She subsequently hosted The Joan Rivers Show (1989–1993), winning a Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host. Having become widely known for her comedic red carpet awards show celebrity interviews, Rivers co-hosted the E! celebrity fashion show Fashion Police from 2010 to 2014 and starred in reality series Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? (2011–2014) with daughter Melissa Rivers. She was the subject of the documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (2010).
In addition to marketing a line of jewelry and apparel on the QVC shopping channel, Rivers authored 12 best-selling books and released numerous comedy albums. She was nominated in 1984 for a Grammy Award for her album What Becomes a Semi-Legend Most?; and was nominated in 1994 for the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for her performance of the title role in Sally Marr...and Her Escorts. In 2015, Rivers posthumously received a Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album for her book, Diary of a Mad Diva.
In 1968, The New York Times television critic Jack Gould called Rivers "quite possibly the most intuitively funny woman alive".
Bio from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
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Customers find the book funny and honest. They also appreciate the clever observations. However, some find the value for money poor, underwhelming, and boring. Readers describe the book as harsh, cruel, and mean-spirited. They mention it gets repetitive and is too crude. Opinions are mixed on the writing quality, with some finding it well-written and others finding it tedious.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book funny and a huge injection of laughter. They say it's a fun read that moves fast from one joke to the next. Readers also mention that the material is downright hysterical.
"...I keep everybody up with my laughter. Jeez, the book is funny. Yes, you're right, you hold back nothing...." Read more
"...There are some good ones in this book, exactly as you would expect and some classic photos of Joan you'd think she'd burn...." Read more
"...There are MANY funny lines, don't get me wrong... but that's just what they are. The book reads like a perpetual standup act with no flow or plot...." Read more
"This book was so funny, that when I laughed out loud, my dogs would look at me with puzzled faces!..." Read more
Customers find the book interesting, hilarious, and brutally honest. They appreciate the clever observations and say nothing is off-topic.
"...A fun read that moves fast from one joke to another. Nothing is off topic - lots of issues are mentioned, so if you are a bit sensitives on certain..." Read more
"...continues to delight with that irreverent, poignant & awfully clever observations. The book is a great companion & mood elevator...." Read more
"...It was so interesting, fascinating. What runs her is fear, of not being relative. Her jokes are usually not edgy, make me cringe...." Read more
"...The humor is shocking, honest, insulting and just incredibly funny!..." Read more
Customers have mixed opinions about the writing quality of the book. Some mention it's well-written and easy to read, while others say the bad language is too much and the book reads like a perpetual stand-up act.
"...The book reads like a perpetual standup act with no flow or plot. I doubt seriously whether she wrote more than 10% of the jokes in this book...." Read more
"...Yes, some of her comments are really shocking but the book is very well written and I found that it was almost impossible to put down from page one...." Read more
"I laughed all through this book. The bad language was a bit too much though and there were a few repeats throughout the book...." Read more
"...I could identify with so much of it! It was so well written and contained so much verbiage that many of us think of, but would never say aloud...." Read more
Customers have mixed opinions about the pacing of the book. Some mention it's inspiring, refreshing, and uplifts the spirits of everyone. Others find it tedious, hackneyed, and lacking her usual style.
"...be hiding in a plain brown wrapper so no one sees but I found it refreshing and true to life." Read more
"...that I mean overwhelmingly embarrassing, overwhelmingly weak and completely aimless. There really is no point made...." Read more
"Joan Rivers continues to delight with that irreverent, poignant & awfully clever observations. The book is a great companion & mood elevator...." Read more
"...repetitious and became boring to such a point that I had no interest in completing the book." Read more
Customers find the book horrible, boring, and repetitive. They say it's a waste of money. Readers also mention the book is crude, weak, and aimless.
"...overwhelming; and by that I mean overwhelmingly embarrassing, overwhelmingly weak and completely aimless. There really is no point made...." Read more
"...Seriously, this was pathetic. It truly made me sad and mad...." Read more
"...Overall it was very disappointing." Read more
"...Now I love a good mindless read but this book? Underwhelming...." Read more
Customers find the book harsh, crude, and demeaning. They also say the constant negativity is a bit too much. Readers also mention the content is offensive on many levels.
"...gross, nearly vomited collection of endless, intentionally-alarming barbs towards innocent subjects that she apparently hates... for real...." Read more
"...is humor- but it really seemed like a compilation of thoughts, seething with anger, that needed an outlet, so she decided to put them in book form!..." Read more
"...But, I couldn't put the book down. I read it in 2 evenings. It is ver provocative. But it sure is also funny to read. Very glad I bought it...." Read more
"...Her jokes are usually not edgy, make me cringe. She made her brand on being rather nasty, like Kathy Griffin does...." Read more
Customers find the book repetitive and overwhelming. They also dislike the incessant vulgarity and overuse of the same scenarios.
"...I was so shocked and upset by her readings that it became overwhelming; and by that I mean overwhelmingly embarrassing, overwhelmingly weak and..." Read more
"...It is not only boring but dull and lacking wit and humor. I won't be buying any other books by her again." Read more
"...Instead, I was VERY turned off by the incessant, over-the-top vulgarity and the mean-spirited, endless, humorless attacks...." Read more
"...However, after about 40 pages I saw that it was just becoming repetitive and not funny anymore. I wanted to laugh so bad but it just wasn't there...." Read more
Customers find the book crude, raw, and hackneyed. They say it's not their type of book.
"...up and says she is being somewhat tongue-in-cheek, Joan unveils a heavily gross, nearly vomited collection of endless, intentionally-alarming barbs..." Read more
"...New Yorker, and certainly no prude, but still thought this was a bit too crude...." Read more
"...it's really funny for the most part, but sometimes she just gets really too gross!" Read more
"...If anyone else had written it no one would have published this disgusting, cruel, ugly book." Read more
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Top reviews
Top reviews from the United States
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Thank you, THANK YOU, for writing this book. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I gave a copy of the book to my 70 year old mom for Christmas and SHE laughed so hard she almost peed HER pants! Then, she called me, and we laughed together, in a conversation that sounded as much as jibberish as anything, recounting your stories, all the while laughing, laughing, laughing till we were blue in the face.
My husband thinks I'm crazy. My ten year old daughter tells me, "Mommy, will you PLEASE, STOP reading that book. I'm TRYING to SLEEP!" I keep everybody up with my laughter. Jeez, the book is funny. Yes, you're right, you hold back nothing. Your section on State Nicknames, what they are and what they ought to be...well, let's just say...well, I can't really say anything more than you already did, now can I?
Again, I want to thank you. I'll probably never meet you in person, but I wanted you to know just how much I've enjoyed your book. Keep 'em coming, Joan!
Some of the comedy in this book is really ignorant, and if you don't have a thick skin, or you're not accustomed to Joan's outbursts without thinking, but rather speaking first, then I would definitely not suggest you read this--because it will not be for you!
I laughed so hard until I cried, but I've always liked Joan's sense of humor where others find her rude, crude and downright ignorant, which she is all of the above, and is proud to admit that throughout the book.
I have to say, I pretty much agreed with just about everything she hates, and some things she hates truly shocked me because she had the balls and guts to actually write what she feels. I give her credit for that. I don't know if I could have been that brutally honest, and people talk about Simon Cowell being brutally honest and rude, they obviously have never heard Joan's comedy.
This book is so damn hilarious and I loved it, but I warn you, like I said, if you don't like her standup, you will not enjoy this book.
You Go Girl!
Top reviews from other countries
I may hate a lot of people but I love Joan
erfrischend! Ich glaube, viele denken so wie sie über die Gesellschaft, aber keiner
traut sich das wirklich auszusprechen! Das Buch ist eine lustige Ergänzung für die Damenwelt,
die gerne in Magazinen blättert!






