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Evolution of Desire Paperback – December 27, 2016

by David M. Buss (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 727 ratings
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A “drop-dead shocker” (Washington Post Book World) that uses evolutionary psychology to explain human mating and the mysteries of love

 

If we all want love, why is there so much conflict in our most cherished relationships? To answer this question, we must look into our evolutionary past, argues prominent psychologist David M. Buss. Based one of the largest studies of human mating ever undertaken, encompassing more than 10,000 people of all ages from thirty-seven cultures worldwide, The Evolution of Desire is the first work to present a unified theory of human mating behavior. Drawing on a wide range of examples of mating behavior — from lovebugs to elephant seals, from the Yanomamö tribe of Venezuela to online dating apps — Buss reveals what women want, what men want, and why their desires radically differ. Love has a central place in human sexual psychology, but conflict, competition, and manipulation also pervade human mating — something we must confront in order to control our own mating destiny.

Updated to reflect the very latest scientific research on human mating, this definitive edition of this classic work of evolutionary psychology explains the powerful forces that shape our most intimate desires.
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  1. Print length
    448 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    December 27, 2016
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 1.12 x 8.25 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    0465097766
  6. ISBN-13
    978-0465097760
  7. See all details
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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
727 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book interesting, objective, and informative. They appreciate the evidence-based presentation with straightforward language. Readers also mention the book provides a clear explanation of some of life's most complex issues.

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ReadabilityLanguage
27 customers mention "Readability"27 positive0 negative

Customers find the book interesting, objective, and informative. They say it provides a new perspective on their own behaviors and those of others.

"...The book will provide new perspective on your own behaviors and behaviors of others as well as their / your motives." Read more

"Valuable insight for anyone going through a divorce.Even more prescient for those considering long term comittment...." Read more

"...There are interesting mating patterns that can be found (even in insects!)...." Read more

"...It explains how to keep a mate and how people lose mates...." Read more

8 customers mention "Language"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's language evidence-based, straightforward, and well-written. They say it provides a clear explanation of some of life's most interesting mysteries. Readers also appreciate the account of statistics and facts about what affects relationships.

"Well written- hard to disagree with anything in this book. Explains what you know to be true but knew it subconsciously...." Read more

"This book is basically a straight forward account of statistics and facts about what affects desire, attraction, mating possibilities and the..." Read more

"One of my favorites and explains alot. Will answer many questions." Read more

"...It gives you a general understanding of where you should be in regards to wanting to mate." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars great read
Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2024
Verified Purchase
Well written- hard to disagree with anything in this book. Explains what you know to be true but knew it subconsciously. The book will provide new perspective on your own behaviors and behaviors of others as well as their / your motives.
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MartyMart
5.0 out of 5 stars Required Reading for anyone in & out of a LTR
Reviewed in the United States on April 25, 2024
Verified Purchase
Valuable insight for anyone going through a divorce.

Even more prescient for those considering long term comittment.
Learning that men and women have conflicting and competing mating strategies is something more people need to be aware of, especially in the age if social media where the grass always looks greener.
3 people found this helpful
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Weeman
5.0 out of 5 stars Hands down one of my top 5 favorite books!
Reviewed in the United States on November 17, 2020
Verified Purchase
Most definitely a "decoding the matrix" book. A real gem. Once you read the material, think about your past experiences, observe other relationships, and do some testing (don't trust, verify!) there's no turning back . You can't unread this material. This book doesn't get crazy scientific so its a great read. Its akin to describing how a program works rather than going deep into code and getting too technical to the point of putting the reader to sleep.

I believe this subject is still debated among scientists, but its safe for me to accept the religious/Disney/Hollywood portrayal of romance, sex, and marriage is... a lie. You have to wonder why the divorce rate is 50%+, most marriages are miserable, marriages kill libido, many cheat, and so forth. Your dreams might be crushed reading this book so avoid it if you want to stay in Wonderland.

The author provides many observations and comparisons of human behavior (among many cultures) to the animal kingdom. There are interesting mating patterns that can be found (even in insects!). The most interesting topic I remember is the Coolidge Effect where males tire and withdraw from having sex with the same female partner. The Coolidge Effect has been tested many times on mammals and the same pattern can be observed (very predictable). However, when a new partner is introduced the male will have sex like its the Olympics.

A great book for both men and women to explore human nature.
50 people found this helpful
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Kindle Customer :)
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating, refreshing take
Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2024
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A lot of relational and gendered challenges we face today... Actually go way back to our evolutionary history. It's a refreshing perspective to see this topic through the lens of mating strategies and evolution. Some of these findings might seem common sense. Common and evolutionary doesn't mean acceptable and ethical though.
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Hermès Trismegistus
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Informative
Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book explains human mating behaviors. It explains how and why men and women chose their mates. It explains what makes people cheat and what makes people stay committed. It explains how to keep a mate and how people lose mates. It answers a lot of questions about human mating behaviors and sheds light on topics many people have misunderstood for years.
6 people found this helpful
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AJotou
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible Book
Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book will change your perception of the undercurrents of modern social interactions. Excellent top-shelf science with proper, large wide spread sample groups, and cross referencing across multiple species. Written by a true genius on the subject. Just one piece of advice.... if you start the book you absolutely must finish it to the last page or else you will miss the main point and find yourself weighing a host of inaccurate misperceptions. The author wrote the book to make strong statements that lead up to the seriously important conclusions at the end.
8 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written
Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2023
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Loved this book and the research behind relationships.
One person found this helpful
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tommy fadgen
5.0 out of 5 stars book is crazy good
Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2023
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One of my 5 favorite books of all time. Exceptional insight into the evolution of relationships and desire between male and female human beings. Can’t recommend enough.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Caio Pereira
5.0 out of 5 stars Sensacional!
Reviewed in Brazil on December 19, 2022
Verified Purchase
Se você gosta de comportamento humano e se interessa em saber por que nos relacionamentos da forma como o fazemos, por que homens e mulheres são atraídos de forma diferente pelo sexo oposto, por que existe a traição, ciúmes, violência, então você deve ler este livro!

Em "The Evolution of Desire" o professor autor David M. Buss, através de extensas pesquisas ao redor do mundo, mostra com números e percentuais como homens e mulheres se relacionam. Nesta obra, o autor coloca em cheque muitas crenças e percepções acerca das estratégias que membros da nossa espécie utilizam para atrair, reter ou mesmo trocar de parceiros. Por mais que dispomos de valores morais, éticos, que nos guiam para construir uma sociedade melhor, ainda agimos (e muito) por instinto quando lidamos com sexo e atração do sexo oposto.

Diferente do que muitos pensam, dividimos muitas preferências comuns como espécie, seja morando em uma megalópole ou em uma tribo isolada na Amazônia. Homens tendem a valorizar certos atributos, enquanto as mulheres valorizam outros totalmente diferentes. Também existem fatores culturais e contextuais que somam às nossas escolhas de parceiros e parceiras. Tudo isso, faz com que o ser humano seja uma espécie quase única, sendo capaz de adaptar suas preferências sexuais a fim de continuar perseverando no mundo.

Esse livro é sensacional! Super recomendo!
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B
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for young adults
Reviewed in Canada on May 2, 2022
Verified Purchase
This is one of the only unbiased books on this subject free of misogynist/misandrist undertones. The author is an older professor who takes the time to summarize studies and tie them in with modern human sexuality. I would recommend this to young people, partly to avoid the toxic environments and authors typically associated with these types of books.

Many of the things in this book may be common knowledge to older people with relationship experience, but it is very helpful to understand and partially validate suspicions experienced in early adulthood. There are plenty of interesting comparisons between the genders regarding social status, money, and exclusivity. There should be a couple of "aha" moments for anyone reading the book, regardless of age.

An example is the finding that men desire a larger number of sexual partners compared to women, and primarily value fidelity in their spouses (without caring if she has "male friends"). On the other hand, women responded with a much lower ideal number of lifetime sexual partners, and value exclusivity with respect to money, resources, and attention. Infidelity without attachment is viewed as less of a "deal breaker" to women.

This made a lot of sense to me with my experiences. Men do not care if their girlfriend has close male friends, as long as they will never have sex. Women get very jealous (an evolutionary response!) when their boyfriends have close female friends, even if they will never have sex.
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R H
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 3, 2024
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Fantastic, frank discussion of relationships and our subconcious motivations. Superb.
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Esha
5.0 out of 5 stars Explores Evolutionary Psychology in a Balanced and Nuanced Way
Reviewed in India on October 13, 2022
Verified Purchase
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book. This book opened my third eye 🤣
It explores what each gender’s sexual strategies are, how people acquire mates, why cultures’ sexual mores differ from one another and much more.

It’s difficult to change evolutionary instincts hardwired in us. This book seeks to explain how those instincts came about such as mate guarding and sexual jealousy, and what conflicts these adaptations were designed to resolve.
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Ilya Watteau
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth the time and the money !
Reviewed in France on September 9, 2021
Verified Purchase
Excellent book, each pages is filled with information, studies and fact. So if you are interested in evolutionary psychology and human mating, this book is the perfect investment both in term of time and money.

Also unlike many others books on the subject written by academics, the author always stay on the subject and in a very objective manner contrary to many book written by intellectuals, who seems to be more interested in giving their opinions and trying to make a subject more complicated than it really is to sound smart.
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