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Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss, 1st edition Paperback – April 18, 2017
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"Expecting Sunshine is an invaluable resource for those dealing with loss, as well as a beautifully-told story of grief, hope, healing and love."
“A moving saga of motherhood in extremis that earns its moments of certainty and bliss through an honest grappling with pain and doubt.”
“Exquisitely detailed and achingly honest. A must-read.”
―Ariel Brewster, senior editor, Today’s Parent Magazine
“Alexis Marie Chute, tasked with living as she mourns the death of her child, writes vividly and honestly about loss and grief. Expecting Sunshine records a journey that proves to be revelatory for reader and writer alike. This is a brave, memorable book.”
―Jane Brox, author of Brilliant: The Evolution of Artificial Light
"This memoir is a moving journey of infant loss and the pregnancy that follows in the midst of a society that does not understand the dynamics of perinatal loss. The book explores the different ways men and women process grief, suppressing grief while wanting others to remember a baby no longer physically present, and how to find a new normal. The pregnancy that follows brings multifaceted feelings of continued grief, memories of the previous pregnancy along with anxiety and fear for the safety of the much-wanted new sibling. This is a book for parents, professionals, and families and friends wishing to support someone who has suffered a loss.”
―Joann O'Leary, PhD, Parent-Infant Specialist, author of Meeting the Needs of Families Pregnant and Parenting After the Loss of a Baby
“Honest, raw and vulnerable―Alexis Marie Chute opens her heart to share her journey of love, loss, transformation, and rebirth. Her message that love binds us together even beyond death, resonates deeply with me as a bereaved mother; it is also a consistent message I heard in my research with bereaved families who experience perinatal death. This is an important, engaging book for bereaved parents, especially those who are considering a subsequent pregnancy.”
―Christine Jonas-Simpson, RN, PhD Professor of Nursing, York University, Toronto, ON Canada
"Alexis Marie's honest, unflinching memoir reads more like a novel in its elegant use of prose and narrative structure. But there's no mistaking its truth―that losing a child at any age can cause a shift in a parent's universe. Alexis Marie's struggle to move forward and heal, and still honour baby Zachary, is an inspiration."
―Janice Biehn, Editor, ParentsCanada magazine
“In Expecting Sunshine, the Edmonton-based writer and artist Alexis Marie Chute writes about loss―the most primal loss we can experience, the loss of a child―in such luminous prose and with such clear-eyed insight that the beauty of the text brings the reader to the edge of tears. Tears of sadness for her family’s loss, yes, but more profoundly, tears of release and healing as we witness the cathartic powers of art and the scope of a young family’s love. This is a beautiful, honest, important book that makes death a starting point for the continuation of life―literally, as the book chronicles Chute’s first pregnancy after the death of her son Zachary―and grief, the catalyst from which joy is born.”
―Pamela Petro, author of The Slow Breath of Stone, Travels in an Old Tongue, and Sitting Up with the Dead
“Expecting Sunshine is an exquisite book for all those who have lost a child and those who need to understand and cope with untimely grief. It is one woman’s heart-rending story of a mother’ loss which confounds ideology, faith and any of the prescribed cures for mourning. Its pain and wisdom are as old as time, the simple truths of nature, nurture and the bonds of mother and child. It is also an uplifting lesson in¬ redemption.”
―Rachel Manley, author of the Governor General Award–winning memoir Drumblair: Memories of a Jamaican Childhood
“Wow! The story of Alexis Marie Chute and her precious pregnancies was almost impossible for me to put down. I know that this book will be so helpful for families living through subsequent pregnancies―a chance to validate their varied emotions and know that whatever they are feeling is ‘normal.’ Thank you for sharing your story so that others can learn from your journeys. Thank you, Zachary, for helping your mother tell yours and Eden’s stories.”
―Lori Ives-Baine, RN, MN (CPB), Perinatal and Pediatric Grief Support Coordinator, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
“Expecting Sunshine is a brave book, walking the reader through the deep grief that accompanies the loss of a child and moving beyond immediate pain to recovery. Alexis Marie Chute speaks honestly of all the areas of life that are threatened by the death of a child: the relationship of the parents, and their faith, creativity, and belief in themselves and one another. At the same time, Expecting Sunshine acknowledges the myriad support systems that exist to help bereaved parents heal from this kind of trauma and emerge together, altered but vital. Part memorial, part celebration, this is a striking book.”
―Jenna Butler, Lieutenant Governor of Alberta Award winner and author of Profession of Hope
“An amazingly moving and emotional story that any woman―or any parent―can easily relate to.”
―Jennifer Hamilton, Editor, CanadianFamily.ca
“An honest and tender memoir about the complex and difficult emotions of grief and joy a mother goes through during a pregnancy that follows a death of a child.”
―Lindsey Henke LICSW, founder of Pregnancy After Loss Support
“When a baby dies, too many parents suffer alone in silence. While grieving the unexpected death of her son, Zachary, Alexis Marie courageously gives powerful voice to a mother’s primal heartbreak as she searches for renewal and rebirth in her own healing while carrying her next son, Eden. In her enthralling memoir, for those of us bereaved mothers who share similar memories, Alexis Marie helps us to honour our own lives.”
―Shari Morash, Guelph, ON Canada, Founder of Josiah’s Journey and author of Loving Your Baby: A Gentle and Practical Guide to Parenting Through Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death
"In Expecting Sunshine, Alexis allows you to accompany her on the tumultuous journey of pregnancy after loss. While navigating the complex emotions during this time, she is vulnerable and allows the reader to witness her most private moments. This is a beautiful story filled with love―both for the baby who has passed on, as well as the one she is expecting."
―Kiley Krekorian Hanish, occupational therapist, founder of the Return to Zero Center for Healing, and bereaved mother to Norbert
“Expecting Sunshine challenges the reader to accompany author Alexis Marie Chute on the most heartbreaking of journeys. Fate has dealt her the task of carrying to term and delivering a baby, Zachary, who will not survive. How cruel, terrifying and capricious life feels as we travel along with Alexis Marie as she summons the courage to get pregnant again. Told week by week as she re-enters the process of carrying new life, we suffer and worry along with her and also revel in her down to earth embrace of her path and her family who accompany her. The contours of grief are too often hidden. Alexis Marie has been generous and fearless in showing herself to us, warts and all, not just her bravery but also her hopelessness at times, her fear, and most important, her coping. This book will be a helpful and inspiring addition to the literature of grief and especially meaningful to those who have lost a child and need encouragement to try again. The world feels larger and more spacious, pain more bearable, life more precious after reading this book.”
―Pat Allen, Art Therapist, author of Art as a Way of Knowing: A Guide to Self-Knowledge and Spiritual Fulfillment through Creativity
"When mired in unthinkable and immovable pain, artistic expression presents itself as a friend and companion, enabling life and creative energy to flow again and transform random tragedy into an affirmation of life and family. Alexis Marie Chute shows us how full engagement and acceptance, rather than failed distractions, can medicine the soul."
―Shaun McNiff, author of Art Heals, Art as Medicine, and many other books on healing the soul through creative expression
About the Author
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It was exactly what I needed. Alexis-Marie's words gave me validation, comfort, and hope.
I highly recommend.
Ignore the end of year lists on all the book sites. This is one of the best memoirs of 2017. This book is not just for bereaved parents.
The worth of a book is individual to us all. The fact that Alexis and Aaron’s son shares the same birthday as my daughter, who died in 2012, makes this collection of words priceless to me.
Top international reviews
Heartbreaking. And the struggles trying to get pregnant again. Will there me more obstacles and heartache ahead? Very sad material, especially at the outset, but a beautiful book, with lots of hope too.
The author has really opened her heart and this emotional book is a quick easy read despite the very sad circumstances. A moving story, told week by week through her subsequent pregnancy-sort of like a pregnancy diary/journal-but never repetitive. Rather than enjoying being pregnant, she just gets through it, worrying constantly that the happy ending may be cut short, like before-it could all happen again.
I've read many medical memoirs; midwife memoirs; I'm About to start one where modern surgery can fix things even in babies not yet born-surgery in utero. Sometimes things cannot be fixed and this is Alexis Marie's heartbreaking story.
I have one sibling, a sister. I am a third child. My other sister died a few days after birth, three years before I was born. I don't think it was anything genetic-something like pneumonia I think. My parents would have had two children, I wouldn't have been born had she lived. I often think about everything, and can't imagine what my parents went through-so this book really resonated with me. My parents always talked openly about everything. A neighbour's daughter was born with cancer-when she died they never talked about it, and they didn’t want anyone else talking about it either. I'm sure writing this memoir will have been therapeutic to Alexis Marie, and she is now helping others come to terms with such tragic circumstances. A beautiful portrayal.
I definitely recommend reading this especially if you’ve been through grief. It is really moving. Thanks
Alexis Marie does a great job including the reader in her book. It made me think, laugh and cry. I had a hard time putting this book down. This book is for anyone that has experienced grief, not just child loss, but any sort of loss. It's a great book to help people know what loss is like or for someone that has had a loss, to know that you are not alone. I think most people could relate to and enjoy the book Expecting Sunshine.
The past few days I've eagerly grasped every spare moment to read this heartfelt journey that Alexis Marie & her family have taken after the loss of Zachary. There were moments of profound sadness....moments that made me laugh out loud, and moments where I sat in stunned silence, recalling the emotions I had during my own miscarriages and pregnancies that followed. Reading the final words of Expecting Sunshine is when the tears I'd been holding back finally started to fall. I have never read a book with such a powerful last three sentences. The entire book leads to that final moment of beautiful realization. This is a book I will never forget, and I'm sure over the years will re-read until the pages are weathered 🌈❤