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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children Paperback – January 23, 2001
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Top Customer Reviews
The problem with that line of thinking, and the subsequent "strategies" it produces, is that no matter how much I punish a child, if he/she is incapable of doing better, the issues we face will persist. It is akin to punishing a child who needs glasses for not being able to see. A much better solution all around would be to get him/her glasses.
My daughter, in the Riley worldview, would be "punishing me" or "controlling" and "manipulating." What I saw was a little girl who was so very overwhelmed by various aspects of her environment, that she had no adaptations, no ability to cope. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a world where the way your plate is turned at dinner, or which direction your socks are facing, is so overwhelming a proposition that you lose the ability to function and/or think rationally. That's the little girl I was living with. The little girl who could blow up over the most incomprehensible thing, and for whom most of life's daily situations and frustrations were just more than she could bear.
In the calm between storms, she was (and still is) a delightful girl - funny, bright, loving, and always, always remorseful after an explosion. I knew she knew what she was doing was wrong, and moreover, she didn't want to be doing it at all.Read more ›
I spotted this book on vacation, and read it on the road. Some parts were hard to swallow at first, like dropping the consequences. But I found I couldn't argue with the logic! If it isn't working, why keep doing it? Do something else with that energy!
We're not perfect at implementing it - I still forget and start off with 'No, you can't...' and then as I see my son's brain start to lock up, I backtrack to 'Wait, wait, yes, you can, let's figure out how to make that work, we can solve this problem together!' (Quick, which basket was that???!) But even with my admittedly slow progress, my son's progress was STUNNING. We went from daily screaming fits to definite improvement (a day without any fits) in THREE DAYS. On day three, he stopped himself in mid-vaporlock and started to calm himself down on his own! He needed help to complete the process, but I was so thrilled, I cried.
Since then (now six months), we've moved to not having any big huge hairy fits at all. The fits that do happen, even when there's an additional stress (sick, allergic reaction, etc.), fits that were managable, he can almost always de-escalate himself. We've progressed steadily to moving more things into their 'normal' baskets, and we're constantly moving (if not always quite as fast as those initial few days) toward him managing himself, instead of me serving as part of his brain.
It takes work.Read more ›
This book, outlining Dr. Greene's approach, is a God send -- I actually cried tears of happiness when I read it the first time -- it was such a relief to find someone who actually understood!Within 1 week of reading this book at the recommendation of a Child Psychologist we turned to for help, (who described her as "mildly ODD, and very bright") my daughter had had only 1 tantrum during that week (compared with several daily, previously). Within 6 weeks, she had been tantrum free for a month.
Dr. Greene's philosophy -- that kids do well if they can, and that their explosions are not bids for attention -- is completely the opposite of what all of the other so-called experts are saying. Well, I can attest to the fact that his ideas worked and the others did not (at least for our family).
However, there is one caveat -- you have to be open-minded and willing to alter your belief system about parent-child relationships: I had to accept the fact that I had to let go of pre-conceived notions first in order for my child to change. I also notice that when I am stressed or tired and fall back into old patterns, my daughter's behavior deteriorates. It is not easy to stay with this, but as Dr. Greene says, you're already working hard doing it your way, why not try something else? Believe me -- it's worth the effort!
I think parents should be issued this book as an "Owner's Manual" at birthing classes at the hospital! All children can benefit from growing up in a positive environment where these principles are in place.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I have purchased over a thousand of Greene's "Explosive Child" book and hundreds of his "Lost at School" book for parenting groups I have run based on this... Read morePublished 20 days ago by Theresa B.
I have read so many things about Ross Green and his book has been recommended to me by a few people, so I went ahead and bought this book. Read morePublished 1 month ago by TiaH
I was raised in a home of ADHD people. From one extreme to the other. Mom, Dad, siblings, grandparents etc so you cold probably guess my kids would inherited it, especially since... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Jenster
A friend told me a few times about this book whenever she saw my daughter explode. I thanked her but didn't rush to read it. I got around to it after a while but had little hope. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
fantastic book. would highly recommend this book and Dr Greene's philosophy for families struggling with an explosive child.Published 4 months ago by Mary Wood
This book gives a great understanding of this condition and is easy to read.Published 5 months ago by Sharon