Top critical review
1,418 people found this helpful
A review written in the style of "Extinction Point"
on April 29, 2013
A review written in the style of "Extinction Point":
"Karen read the book, turning the pages with her hand. She remembered how her grandmother had taught her how to read back on the farm. She had turned the pages with her hand, guiding Karen's young hand as it turned the pages. Thank god she'd shown her how to do it! Suddenly Karen realized she was hungry. She felt a gnawing sensation of hunger in her stomach. When had she last eaten? She needed to eat before she tried to write her book review. She went to the kitchen to make a sandwich because she was hungry, but on the way to the kitchen she tripped over the edge of a throw rug and fell to the floor. When she finally regained consciousness hours later, the pain was excruciating. The thick carpeting had done nothing to break her fall. Everything hurt. She felt like she'd been run over by a truck. Had she broken her arm? Ruptured her spleen? Did she have brain damage? Gingerly, she tried to move her shoulder. A wave of pain and nausea flooded over her, and she passed out again.
When she awoke, Karen realized she was still hungry. That sandwich wasn't going to make itself. Hobbling into the kitchen, she opened the refrigerator door and took out a package of sliced turkey that had been hidden in the back behind a jar of pickles. She rolled up one slice of turkey into a tube and took a bite. Then she took two slices of turkey and two slices of bread, spread some mayonnaise on the bread, cut some tomatoes into quarter-inch-thick slices, sprinkled on some pepper, and assembled it all into a sandwich. She ate the sandwich, now wondering how she was going to write her book review semiconscious with a bad shoulder and maybe a ruptured spleen and brain damage. She had never learned to type on her computer. She'd probably do it wrong or kill herself trying to maneuver her fingers around the keyboard. No, better to hand-write the review and send it by mail. No! Even better to hand-write the review and walk the 4,000 miles to the editorial office to hand-deliver it. That made sense! Karen moved slowly over to the great big wooden roll-top desk, being careful not to cause her spleen and/or shoulder further injury. On the way to the desk, she tripped over the rug again and this time she knocked her shin against the end table, tipping over a lighted candle and setting the throw pillow on fire. Oh no! She watched in horror and dismay as her favorite pillow went up in flames. She grabbed the throw rug and beat out the fire. What a day! Then she went over to her desk and found her favorite pen and two sheets of off-white paper (never bright white!) and started to write her review."
The only intriguing thing about this poorly written, poorly conceived, illogical, and just plain boring novel is "The Mystery of Its Many Oddly Similar-Sounding Five-Star Reviews." The main character--the only character--lacks any compelling qualities. She's not smart or clever or funny. She has no common sense. She's unbelievably clumsy, and her injuries are way out of proportion with her accidents. Also, almost nothing happens in this book. Considering it's supposed to be dealing with an extinction-level event and post-apocalyptic New York, that's a pretty amazing achievement. The detailed description given to everyday actions is excruciating and unnecessary (changing a battery, packing a suitcase, shopping at the market, making a sandwich). And repetitive. Then there's the "refusing to drive a car" problem mentioned by other reviewers. It's a huge issue, and it should have been worked out by the author in an earlier draft. Likewise the "let's stock up on canned goods and huge bottles of water for the bike trip" problem. She must have a magic bicycle, magic backpack, and superhuman strength to ride a bike loaded up with what must have been 100+ pounds of stuff. I have no doubt this was written without any editorial involvement. It reads like a first draft, and a bad one.