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Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives Paperback – April 29, 2003

by Pia Mellody (Author), Andrea Wells Miller (Author), J. Keith Miller (Author)

255 customer reviews

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Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This book stands out among the current glut of material on codependence because it claims the realm of parenting for its vantage point. The authors believe that codependents must heal themselves in order not to repeat the "less than nurturing" behaviors of their own addicted or emotionally dysfunctional parents. Hence, they couple strategies for recovery with guidelines on what is and is not "normal" in the parent-child relationship. The authors' conclusions will invite controversy; for instance, they suggest that "emotional sexual abuse" of children may lead to homosexuality in adulthood. Nor are they reluctant to generalize: "Although physical and mental illness aren't addictions, their effect on the family is the same." Offsetting the opinionated commentary is great compassion for the helpless, hurt children who live inside adult codependents. Mellody and Andrea Wells Miller are coauthors of Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Co de pend ence ; J. Keith Miller is a freelance writer. Author tour.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

“Mellody is a true pioneer...she offers tried and effective ways to treat codependency. This is a splendid offering.” (John Bradshaw, national director of Codependency TreatmentLife Plus Institute, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Bradshaw On: The Family.)

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Product details

Paperback: 222 pages
Publisher: Harper & Row; 1 edition (April 29, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062505890
ISBN-13: 978-0062505897
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 255 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,775 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #7 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Codependency
- #100 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Happiness
- #143 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships

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Heather L.

Real, Down-to-Earth Description and Clear, Actionable Solutions.

December 14, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I really love the way this book is written - there's not a lot of psycho babble or jargon, it's just a real person speaking to solutions that she came up with as a sufferer and a counselor to other sufferers. Pia is fantastic in her down-to-earth descriptions of what codependence is and what it looks like in everyday life, as well as real actionable solutions for the issues it can bring up or make worse for fellow sufferers. The best part is that what she suggests is not much different from what the head shrinkers with PhD's will tell you as far as suggested solutions, and it feels better (at least to me) to hear suggested solutions from another person who has simply worked it out with fellow sufferers and isn't lording over some top secret information that you have to go to school forever and spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to acquire.

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Danielle D.

Life changing.

October 2, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

The best. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. This book was the answer. I have read very many books and this is it for me. I'm a member of a few 12-step programs, and this is the "next frontier", emotional sobriety. It's been 3 years since first reading it. I've now read it 3 times. Life changing.

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R. Becker

Excellent - highly recommended!

October 27, 2012

Format: Audio CassetteVerified Purchase

The problem with virtually every other book on Codependence is that the description of symptoms is so vague as to be of little use. Here, Ms. Mellody not only describes the key symptoms, but she breaks them down in such a clear orderly way that it finally makes Codependency easy to understand - and she shows how these patterns can get started, which is very valuable to the person trying to recover. One of the first things you need to do is to figure out the issues in your family of origin. Yes, dysfunctional parenting plays a part, but saying that dysfunctional coping mechanisms are usually learned in childhood as a result of flawed parenting is hardly parent bashing. People who are trying to recover need to understand not just gross negligence and obvious abuse, but all of the subtle ways they may have been wounded from even the best intentioned parents. The book is in no way about blaming. It is about understanding your issues and then taking responsibility for your own recovery. Once you've read the book and understand the cause of your suffering, there are several options for recovery and Ms. Mellody does recommend 12 Step programs, which are comprehensive, low cost, non-profit and have no connection with Ms. Mellody. Her book can provide very good support material for someone who is working a 12 step program or just thinking about it. Highly recommended!

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C76Beck

Buying this book is the first step toward your freedom

October 17, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

For anyone struggling with issues of codependence in their life, this book will be transforming. It has revolutionzed the way both my husband and I view issues in our lives and how we address them. There have been so many areas that we have been unable to face because we have not understood the underlying problems. From childhood wounds and abuse to symptoms manifested in adulthood, Pia will give you the insight into the reasons you feel and act the way that you do. We really aren't crazy for behaving the way that we do. We are simply injured and in need of healing and an awareness of what is going on inside of us so that we can move forward in our lives and break free of the shackles that have held us in bondage for so long. Don't be afraid to face your demons. Trust me, buying this book will be the first step in your journey toward freedom.

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Jaylia123

A new perspective.

March 6, 2018

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Did not agree with a number of the ideas, but once I got past that and accepted her ideas, (her experiences and knowledge), it was fine. It's not necessary to agree with a person to learn something from them. There are times, when learning to understand a new way of looking at life is enough.

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Eralynn

Pleasantly surprised! Author is not writing just academically but personally

June 27, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I have struggled all of my life with abuse and recovery. I was told many times I needed to read a certain codependency book. I was in therapy for years and finally read that book. I suffered a domestic violence incident right after. I didn't pick it up again. I was told recently about this book and that I really needed to read it. I dreaded the task but need the help. I was pleasantly surprised it wasn't your normal self help book. It's actually written by a person who has dealt with codependence and abuse herself. It has been painfully spot on at times with my life but I think it's wonderful this book was written based on personal experience with many others for examples who suffer and survive these issues. It really helps to explain some of the behaviors and how they sabotage our lives subconsciously. It's awful but the author is proof you can find your way through life with these problems and be successful.

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Melissa

Five Stars

Great book, don't have much to say about it. Got here quickly & in good shape.

Published 2 months ago

Jan B

The 5 Core Issues that we all struggle with in our lives

I especially like the definition of 5 Core Issues that we all struggle with in our lives. How they were outlined and explained and the change that comes if these areas are...Read more

Published 2 months ago

Catherine Shanahan

One Star

pure crap.

Published 3 months ago

Gabriel

i strongly recommend this book

insightful and powerful read. i strongly recommend this book.

Published 3 months ago

Amazon Customer

Life changing for the better

Best book I’ve ever written. Should be handed out freshman year of college to everyone !

Published 4 months ago

Amazon Customer

I would recommend it to anyone

She could of used other scenarios other than just abuse to get her point across but other than that I understood and got a lot out of this book. I would recommend it to anyone.Read more

Published 4 months ago

cat57

Book for thought

Tis book is well written.

Published 5 months ago

Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Excellent resource on the topic. Info is very well organized.

Published 5 months ago

Thyme Lea Manor

Recommended by a very good counselor

It's so "the author" all I could think was "This woman needs therapy!" I felt it was more of a personal journal than instructional and had a hard time relating it...Read more

Published 5 months ago

Allen Clark

This is a wonderful book. I have read several on related topics ...

This is a wonderful book. I have read several on related topics and found this to be one of the best.

Published 5 months ago

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