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Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives Paperback – April 29, 2003

by Pia Mellody (Author), Andrea Wells Miller (Author), J. Keith Miller (Author)

255 customer reviews

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Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This book stands out among the current glut of material on codependence because it claims the realm of parenting for its vantage point. The authors believe that codependents must heal themselves in order not to repeat the "less than nurturing" behaviors of their own addicted or emotionally dysfunctional parents. Hence, they couple strategies for recovery with guidelines on what is and is not "normal" in the parent-child relationship. The authors' conclusions will invite controversy; for instance, they suggest that "emotional sexual abuse" of children may lead to homosexuality in adulthood. Nor are they reluctant to generalize: "Although physical and mental illness aren't addictions, their effect on the family is the same." Offsetting the opinionated commentary is great compassion for the helpless, hurt children who live inside adult codependents. Mellody and Andrea Wells Miller are coauthors of Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Co de pend ence ; J. Keith Miller is a freelance writer. Author tour.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

“Mellody is a true pioneer...she offers tried and effective ways to treat codependency. This is a splendid offering.” (John Bradshaw, national director of Codependency TreatmentLife Plus Institute, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Bradshaw On: The Family.)

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Product details

Paperback: 222 pages
Publisher: Harper & Row; 1 edition (April 29, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062505890
ISBN-13: 978-0062505897
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 255 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,956 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #8 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Codependency
- #108 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Happiness
- #155 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships

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Heather L.

Real, Down-to-Earth Description and Clear, Actionable Solutions.

December 14, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I really love the way this book is written - there's not a lot of psycho babble or jargon, it's just a real person speaking to solutions that she came up with as a sufferer and a counselor to other sufferers. Pia is fantastic in her down-to-earth descriptions of what codependence is and what it looks like in everyday life, as well as real actionable solutions for the issues it can bring up or make worse for fellow sufferers. The best part is that what she suggests is not much different from what the head shrinkers with PhD's will tell you as far as suggested solutions, and it feels better (at least to me) to hear suggested solutions from another person who has simply worked it out with fellow sufferers and isn't lording over some top secret information that you have to go to school forever and spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to acquire.

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Danielle D.

Life changing.

October 2, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

The best. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. This book was the answer. I have read very many books and this is it for me. I'm a member of a few 12-step programs, and this is the "next frontier", emotional sobriety. It's been 3 years since first reading it. I've now read it 3 times. Life changing.

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C76Beck

Buying this book is the first step toward your freedom

October 17, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

For anyone struggling with issues of codependence in their life, this book will be transforming. It has revolutionzed the way both my husband and I view issues in our lives and how we address them. There have been so many areas that we have been unable to face because we have not understood the underlying problems. From childhood wounds and abuse to symptoms manifested in adulthood, Pia will give you the insight into the reasons you feel and act the way that you do. We really aren't crazy for behaving the way that we do. We are simply injured and in need of healing and an awareness of what is going on inside of us so that we can move forward in our lives and break free of the shackles that have held us in bondage for so long. Don't be afraid to face your demons. Trust me, buying this book will be the first step in your journey toward freedom.

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Jaylia123

A new perspective.

March 6, 2018

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Did not agree with a number of the ideas, but once I got past that and accepted her ideas, (her experiences and knowledge), it was fine. It's not necessary to agree with a person to learn something from them. There are times, when learning to understand a new way of looking at life is enough.

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Eralynn

Pleasantly surprised! Author is not writing just academically but personally

June 27, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I have struggled all of my life with abuse and recovery. I was told many times I needed to read a certain codependency book. I was in therapy for years and finally read that book. I suffered a domestic violence incident right after. I didn't pick it up again. I was told recently about this book and that I really needed to read it. I dreaded the task but need the help. I was pleasantly surprised it wasn't your normal self help book. It's actually written by a person who has dealt with codependence and abuse herself. It has been painfully spot on at times with my life but I think it's wonderful this book was written based on personal experience with many others for examples who suffer and survive these issues. It really helps to explain some of the behaviors and how they sabotage our lives subconsciously. It's awful but the author is proof you can find your way through life with these problems and be successful.

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NVS

Original, Objective, Harsh

April 17, 2010

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

This is a book intended for people who want to change their behavior in some significant way and are serious about learning to help themselves do so. Changing one's behavior is admirable and can be exceedingly difficult.

The biggest problem with this book is the use of the word, "abuse". Ms. Mellody defines abuse as almost anything which in her views leads a person into a codependent relationship.

The problem with this word, particularly as it is used today, is that "abuse" has a literal legal definition as well as a societal notion of relatively harsh meaning. For this reason alone, I believe many readers will either stop reading this book or read it and become defensive either about the actions of their parents or themselves and fail to see the actual contributions of those actions to behavior that later became codependent.

Consequently, for this book to work for you, you must make that mental leap and accept Ms. Mellody's definition without involking defensiveness, which is not simple.

This book is about parenting most of all; helping you understand what should have been done to you or what you should have done with your own children so that you can begin to understand why you or your children interact with others the way they do. From understanding / knowledge you are presented the opportunity to begin to change.

Behavioral change starts one step at a time and involves mistakes - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Ms. Mellody describes her journey of frustration (with professionals), self-discovery (through interviews and groups) and eventual change. None of this is easy just as this book is not a roadmap, but an illustration to illuminate a possible journey for you, to help ease your path which will be difficult enough without reinventing the wheel.

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Sarah MJM

Great alternative to Codependent No More

September 12, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book is a great read if Codependent No More doesn't quite relate to you or your client. Codependent No More is centered on addiction. This book focuses on all aspects of codependence. All my clients have loved it and have gained a lot of insight.

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Marsha Jauregui

Deeper insight on codependency

May 10, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

It goes deeper than any other codependency book I have read so far. For years I struggled to understand why I have such a codependency problem, as well as my siblings. We weren't physically abuse but with this book I was able to see how exactly I became codependent and everything that went into me becoming codependent. It created a clear picture of why I became who I am and what I can do now to heal and the truth just knowing the root cause and the core reasons was a huge big step into recovery. I no longer question how did I get here but can look forward on how to recover from it. So grateful for this book and making me see clearly how I became someone that sabotage her life without even knowing it.

Comment 6 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?

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Melissa

Five Stars

Great book, don't have much to say about it. Got here quickly & in good shape.

Published 2 months ago

Jan B

The 5 Core Issues that we all struggle with in our lives

I especially like the definition of 5 Core Issues that we all struggle with in our lives. How they were outlined and explained and the change that comes if these areas are...Read more

Published 2 months ago

Catherine Shanahan

One Star

pure crap.

Published 3 months ago

Gabriel

i strongly recommend this book

insightful and powerful read. i strongly recommend this book.

Published 3 months ago

Amazon Customer

Life changing for the better

Best book I’ve ever written. Should be handed out freshman year of college to everyone !

Published 4 months ago

Amazon Customer

I would recommend it to anyone

She could of used other scenarios other than just abuse to get her point across but other than that I understood and got a lot out of this book. I would recommend it to anyone.Read more

Published 4 months ago

cat57

Book for thought

Tis book is well written.

Published 5 months ago

Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Excellent resource on the topic. Info is very well organized.

Published 5 months ago

Thyme Lea Manor

Recommended by a very good counselor

It's so "the author" all I could think was "This woman needs therapy!" I felt it was more of a personal journal than instructional and had a hard time relating it...Read more

Published 5 months ago

Allen Clark

This is a wonderful book. I have read several on related topics ...

This is a wonderful book. I have read several on related topics and found this to be one of the best.

Published 5 months ago

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