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Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts Paperback – October 16, 2012

4.6 out of 5 stars 48 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

  • Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts
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  • Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts
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  • Facing the Shadow [3rd Edition]: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery
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Editorial Reviews

Review


In Facing Heartbreak, authors and clinicians Stefanie Carnes, Mari A. Lee, and Anthony Rodriguez, combine their wisdom and experience in offering hope to traumatized partners of sex addicts. This book lays out a clear and compassionate path of healing. It is as comprehensive as it is practical in covering the range of issues faced by the heartbreak of betrayal. The authors have created an invaluable resource and companion for those seeking recovery as well as for the clinicians who treat them.
--Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., CSAT
Author, Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners and When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment
Clinical Director of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in suburban Detroit, Michigan and Life Healing in Santa Fe, New Mexico

This groundbreaking book fills a huge gap in helping partners of sex addicts realize the full possibility of their potential for restoring their lives. Following the guidance of Facing Heartbreak will ensure the discovery of a vital, healthy self, long ago lost by deceit. This is the book I will be putting in the hands of all my clients.
--Alexandra Katehakis, MA, MFT
Author, Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery From Sex Addiction

This is a wonderful resource for partners of sex addicts who are seeking to understand the impact of the lies, manipulation, and betrayal they have endured. Packed with easy to use, practical exercises, Facing Heartbreak is an essential guide to healing.
--M. Deborah Corley, Ph.D., LMFT, CSAT
Co-founder and co-owner of Santé Center for Healing
Co-author, Disclosing Secrets: An Addict’s Guide to When, To Whom, and How Much to Reveal

In the aftermath of discovering their mate’s sex addiction, this book provides a series of detailed exercises to help men and women work through their emotions, understand addiction, heal themselves, and make good decisions. For partners looking for a step-by-step guide to recovery, Facing Heartbreak should be required reading. I highly recommend it.

--Jennifer P. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D.
Author, Disclosing Secrets; Back from Betrayal; Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness; and Untangling the Web

WOW! The authors have delivered a much needed guide for the men and women who have been traumatized by their partner’s betrayal. This is a must read for both therapists and partners. It is helps betrayed partners make sense of their emotions and know there is a way out of the confusion. This much needed Patrick Carnes Task Centered Approach helps readers understand what is happening and what to do. This is not about theory, it is about healing. Thank you for your never ending dedication to excellence.
--Barbara S Levinson Ph.D, RN, LMFT, CST Diplomate, CSAT Supervisor, LSOTP

The consequences and hurt evoked by infidelity and unresolved addictions are universal, regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. Love and pain often live side by side for those surviving the loss of trust, secrecy and the betrayal that occurs for partners of sex addicts. With incredible sensitivity and insight, the authors of Facing Heartbreak provide the concrete direction and support necessary for partners of sex addicts to find answers, healing and peace.

--Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S
Author, Educator, Addiction Specialist

About the Author

Stefanie Carnes, Ph.D., has led numerous research projects on addiction and authored many publications including her nationally renowned book, Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts (2nd edition, Sept. 2011). Dr. Carnes is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AAMFT clinical member and approved supervisor. She is also certified through IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) as a Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor. Dr. Carnes resides in Phoenix, AZ.

Mari A. Lee, MA, LMFT, CSAT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Ms. Lee is the founder of Growth Counseling Services, Inc., a recovery center in Pasadena, CA, where she sees clients for individual, couples and group therapy. In addition, she is a respected writer, speaker and presenter on women’s issues, compulsive sexual behavior, trauma, communication, and leads workshops and weekend intensives for women in the areas of co-dependency, self-image and esteem. Ms. Lee resides in Southern California.

Anthony Rodriguez, MSW, CSAT, BCSA, LISW, LCSW, is the Founder and Clinical Director of The Men’s Center. Mr. Rodriguez has pursued continuing education in the areas of treating survivors of sexual violence, anger management, addictions and other general mental health issues. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and is Board certified in treating sexual abuse by the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. He is also a technical consultant with the Office for Victims of Crime Training & Technical Assistance Center (U.S. Dept. of Justice). Mr Rodriguez resides in Iowa City, IA.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Gentle Path Press; First Edition edition (October 16, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 098327133X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0983271338
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 0.7 x 10.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.9 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #35,224 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Those who have partners who are sexually addicted know -- the pain is excruciating, the life confusing. It seems there is nowhere to turn. Books like The Couple's Survival Workbook are highly recommended for couples in crisis, but the issue of sex addiction is unique in its painful effects. This workbook, written by highly-trained sex-addiction therapists, and based on their work with hundreds of sex-addicted people and their partners, offers solutions.

The book is divided into 8 sections:

1. The Trauma of Discovery -- During the often protracted process of learning the full truth about a partner's compulsive sexual activity, the other partner experiences deep pain. This is exacerbated by the fact that the period of discovery often includes extensive deception. So understanding only occurs gradually. The experience is truly one of trauma -- having been wounded deeply. This chapter deals with coping with that pain.

2. Manage the Crisis -- This chapter covers the process of setting up boundaries, finding support, and deciding who to tell. The authors counsel waiting at least a year before making any major decisions.

3. How to Deal with Emotional Aftershock -- Now that systems of self-protection have been set up, waves of other difficult emotions will surface: anger, shame, confusion, and numbness. This chapter shows the way to hope.

4. The Nature of Sex Addiction -- This chapter explores what sex addiction is, including the changes in brain chemistry that occur. Myths are debunked, and the requirements for recovery are explored.

5. How to Communicate Your Feelings -- Teaches the art of listening and communication.
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The addict's partners at times do not get treatment as a victim along with the addict and sometimes they just minimize their own suffering (coping mechanism?) and everything becomes about getting the addict out of the addiction and/or protecting the kids from even more emotional damage than they have already been through.
This book takes you through the stage of discovery, your pain and suffering and tells you how to go about recognizing your emotional roller coaster ...and then get strong enough to move past that. Take charge of YOU. Take control of what happens in your life from this point on and where your boundaries are. The hardest part is getting past the feeling of being 'selfish' and taking care of your needs, yourself first.

Do also read Mending a Shattered Heart. These two books together worked wonders for me. From understanding to beginning to heal.
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Loved this workbook. I think it works for anyone wanting to heal from betrayal or violation of trust in relationships, whether they are the partner of a sex addict, or not... Great exercises and recommendations to walk through the process of healing.
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I would recommend this book for all spouses and partners that are faced with this heart braking time in you life. I've been were you are and I'm sorry if you are having to read this book. It is full of well needed information. I only wish this book had come out sooner. Take care of yourself.
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A ground breaking resource for hurting partners who are dealing with the pain of being married to a sex addict. The authors have woven stories, exercises and practical tools that guide the reader from pain to hope.
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I really appreciated how thoughtful, balanced, and thorough this book was for people that are dealing with their partner having issues with sexual addiction or hidden, unsafe sexual practices. This really does a wonderful job helping partners explore all aspects of healing their relationship, exploring their relationship, and setting healthy boundaries. There is positive support for continuing the relationship- but without overlooking the medical safety- which I think is so important. It takes partners through stories of other's journeys and is just incredibly respectful in the way it discusses this largely taboo topic.

If you are a therapist, I recommend you get a copy immediately, whether you think you work with people who could be impacted by sexual addiction or not. The truth is, any of our clients can find out about hidden issues at any time, and we need to be ready with information, support, and the ability to develop a safety plan in the moment.

If you are the partner of someone that is, or that you are concerned is a sex addict- check out this book and look for a sex addiction specialist in your area. The training that certified sex addiction specialists (CSAT) go through is intense and thorough.
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I sure wish I didn't need this book. I wish I wasn't filling it out or living some of the stories. But I am, and I get to use this and infrequently it is helping me not feel like a total failure, or a rage monster ready to rip and tear. I don't agree with a lot of the "worksheets" being a help, but some of them are, so I guess not everything is about me, eh?

Without a doubt if you are thinking of this book, you know why, and you will benefit from it. Go ahead and do it sooner rather than later.
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