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Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love Paperback – April 29, 2003
This Modern Love
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From Library Journal
-Barbara L. Flynn, Chicago P.L.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
About the Author
Pia Mellody is an internationally renowned lecturer on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunc-tion. Her recovery work-shops have benefited people all over the world and her bestselling books have been translated into many languages. She is a member of the faculty at The Meadows Treatment Center, a residential center for victims of trauma, emotional abuse, and addictions, in Wickenburg, Arizona.
J. Keith Miller, the author of A Hunger for Healing, is a popular speaker and conference leader, and author. Among his best-selling books are The Taste of New Wine and Hope in the Fast Lane. He is also the coauthor of Facing Codependence.
Top Customer Reviews
One customer commented that the author didn't offer any recovery tools. I'd like to offer my experience: The most important recovery tool is to develop a relationship with a Higher Power that is not a person or object. For if you do not have a Higher Power, you will turn to a person or object for that love, which will result in addiction.
From time to time, during recovery, painful feelings will surface, triggered by whatever or whomever you're dealing with day to day. When I was in a relationship, it was hard because I couldn't get away easily to process the triggered feelings. The book offers suggestions which are good, but not that easy to do for me. Now that I'm not in that relationship, I've followed my therapist's suggestion to identify the triggering event, the root cause (usually from your childhood), and replace the painful feeling with thoughts, words, and deeds that make me feel better. This 3-step process takes tremendous discipline because many times I just want to stick to my lifelong habit of self-pity, depression, and pessimism.
I also begin my day with one hour of Prayer Walk. I meditate every day to empty my mind, and infuse my being with God's love. Since I've been doing recovery, I have stopped crying over loneliness, stopped longing for that "soulmate", and stopped the frantic search. After all, you are your true soulmate, because if you can't love you, no one can.Read more ›
For years I have been involved in a relationship that I knew was co-dependent, but none of the books I found on codependency really captured my situation. When I started reading this book my heart started pounding-- It was as if the author knew me, my partner and my relationship inside and out. I am only through part one of this book, but it has already transformed my understanding of my current romantic issues.
To summarize, there are co-dependents who are love-addicted and co-dependents who are love-avoidant:
Love addicts are driven by a primary fear of abandonment spawned from childhood neglect/abandonment. They are characterized by low-self esteem and neediness, and are looking for someone to rescue them and fill the hole in their hearts.
Love avoidants are driven primarily by guilt and a fear of intimacy. During childhood they took an inappropriate "care-taking" role for a parent, which taught them that loving is to care for another, but also that to love is to be drained and controlled by another persons need. They are often characterized by being very capable and very busy, but also controlling (to avoid being controlled) and fickle.
When the two come together they are initially very happy. But, with time, the neediness of the love-addict activates the love-avoidant's fear of intimacy and being controlled. The avoidant then begins to pull away, activating the abandonment fears of the love addict, and driving them to be even more desperate and needy.Read more ›
Love addiction is emotional cocaine. Stay away!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Difficult reading, hard to understand. I read each chapter multiple times and am still confused.Published 1 month ago by David A. Crown
I have used this book for many years. My clients love it. It really speaks to the co-addicted relationship with the underlying abandonment issues for each. Excellent book.Published 2 months ago by erd
I had this book for a year sitting there. I was in total denial. Started in codependency recovery but knew there was more. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Marsha Jauregui
I bought this book from a suggestion by my therapist who was familiar with the type of relationships I kept attracting. I found it to be insightful, and helpful. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Shannon L.
The seminal work on this topic. Very helpful view from the trenches on what can be a disorienting and confusing condition to live with and around.Published 4 months ago by Jeff Herron
I loved this book, although through it I realized I'm not a love addict. I'm too picky. I would recommend this book to those searching for answers on why they have failed... Read morePublished 4 months ago by Goldie