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Families Where Grace Is in Place: Building a Home Free of Manipulation, Legalism, and Shame Paperback – November 1, 2010
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Top Customer Reviews
In Part One author Jeff VanVonderen describes relationships (marriage or parent/child) where grace is NOT in place detailing out the resulting operating model borne from the C.U.R.S.E. = Controlling, Unforgiving, Reactive, Shaming, and Ego-Driven. The result is T.I.R.E.D = feeling Trapped, Indicted, Responsible, Exposed, and Defensive.
Part Two describes Families "By the Book" (Bible), then on to a wonderfully convergent Part Three - Families Where Grace Is in Place. Very practical explanations and strategies on the road to a Grace-Full Family, Spouse, and Parent. The list of ten characteristics found in a shame-based relationship hits right between the eyes (or into the heart), followed 10 points unfolding God's design for a Grace-full Family. If you're looking for lasting changes and a way out of the pain, through God's grace, this easy-to-read book is worth the investment.
Vanvonderen talks about Grace-full relationships and contrasts them to Curse-full relationships. Grace-full ones are those that are built on grace and spring from a right relationship with the Lord. Curse-full relationships are those that are run on the basis of wrong values or with a worldly philosophy. He describes the Grace-full relationship and how it should be done and lived (and on what basis -- that of a close relationship with the Lord). Then he contrasts it with practices that shouldn't be engaged in and often are. These are Curse-full relationships.
This transformed my approach to how I related with my husband and children. God has given me so MUCH, much that I didn't deserve (thus, His grace to me). I need to reflect that and be gracious to my family members. I believe it has strengthened all my family relationships, and I credit much of Vanvonderen's ideas with actually saving my marriage.
I was brought up in a Grace-full home. It is my belief that my husband was brought up in a Curse-full home; and many of the Curse-full practices were repeated in our home (not just by him, but by me, following my natural fleshly inclinations). It is my desire to create, as much as I possibly can, a Grace-full home for my husband (like he's never had) and for my children (the kind of a home every child SHOULD grow up in). Vanvonderen, in his book, gives the method and the tools for making that happen.
It is a very simple perspective, and the approach can seem naive and simplistic. But it actually works. This is what a gracious home and relationships are all about.
Guess I went off on a rabbit trail there, giving my interpretation of Vanvonderen's message. But I can't recommend this book highly enough. It is great for troubled marriages and parent-child relationships. But I'm sure it is even useful for strong families, too, ones that don't seem to need a lot of "help." I would urge you to get a copy and read it. You'll be glad you did.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book is one of the least helpful I have found.
Publishers. Pages – 172.Read more