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It's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything Kindle Edition
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|Length: 370 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
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Top Customer Reviews
My employee tried to report a "hostile work environment" to HR, but I'd already been talking to HR about her for a period of time. I, also, luckily, had a strong reputation for being very empathetic, fair, and calm.
Her survival technique was to talk to my manager and manager's manager about me, when I tried to enforce any boundaries or work standards. The first time it happened, I became extrememly concerned. But by using these techniques and following the advice in this book--it's almost like she got frustrated that I wouldn't react and quit. She didn't like constructive, simple feedback and from the point I started coaching her and working w/ HR to when she quit only took about two months.
What was scary about this perons, was that she couldn't get through a sentence without twisting things or outright lieing. It's like she was contantly spinning everything to try to manipulate peopel's perception. She'd lie about things it made no sense to lie about. One week she'd storm at me and cry and be going to HR and the next week she'd ask to have lunch as if nothing happened.
I was definitely this person's "Target of Blame", and she did enlist a negative advocate to vent to, but this person ended up being very nice to me, and we get along. I don't doubt it's damaged some of my relationships, which had always been good at work.
It was one of the draining, stressful experiences I've ever been through and this book was a godsend.Read more ›
Bill Eddy is the president and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. He is an attorney, therapist, mediator and public speaker. He provides seminars on mental health issues for judges, attorneys and mediators.
This book is incredibly powerful for three reasons. First, Bill takes all of the psychological terms and makes them understandable to the common man. Then he describes high conflict behavior in a way that makes it easy to identify. Lastly he tells lots of true stories -- making the concepts easy to grasp.
Bill Eddy doesn't tell you how to "beat" the other person in an argument. His whole focus is to help you understand what drives the high conflict person and how to protect yourself and live without lowering yourself to destructive behavior.
Here are few of the key points Bill covers in the "Understanding HCP" section:
-Don't take their personal attacks personally -- it's more about them revealing their hurt and weaknesses than it is about you.
-Don't get involved in retaliating and giving them negative feedback, it just feeds the fire of anger and escalates the situation.
-Don't become a negative advocate. High conflict people have a way of sucking you into their problems and way of thinking. We need to set firm, yet loving boundaries.
In the second half of the book he gives plenty of practical, actionable advice.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This was very informative and gave good tools to use with my ex-spouse. I will also use them with my children to train them how to reflect upon situations in a healthy way.Published 25 days ago by LB
Good information and exposed a lot of the crap those that blame try to pull. I'm glad I read it!Published 4 months ago by Gina
This book should have my mother's picture on the cover. It helped my brother and I considerably in understanding her and why she does what she does. Read morePublished 11 months ago by ascnbe
A very insightful boek. Have recommended it to all my friends and family.Published 12 months ago by Ju-Anne
What a great book! This author not only understands challenging people (and sometimes it's us!), his scenarios are so real life that it is easy to see the consequences of certain... Read morePublished 14 months ago by Nancy