“Wickedly witty. . . . Crackling sharp. . . . Fireworks shoot out [of this collection].” —The Boston Globe“Long-overdue. . . . Executed with sharpness and panache . . . . [Nora Ephron] retains an uncanny ability to sound like your best friend, whoever you are. . . . It's good to know that Ms. Ephron's wry, knowing X-ray vision is one of them.” —The New York Times“Women who find themselves somewhere between the arrival of their first wrinkle and death have to hear only the title to get the message.”—Los Angeles Times“Wry and amusing. . . . Marvelous.” —The Washington Post Book World
Nora Ephron was the author of the bestselling I Feel Bad About My Neck as well as Heartburn, Crazy Salad, Wallflower at the Orgy, and Scribble Scribble. She wrote and directed the hit movie Julie & Julia and received Academy Award nominations for Best Original Screenplay for When Harry Met Sally. . ., Silkwood, and Sleepless in Seattle, which she also directed. Her other credits include the script for the stage hit Love, Loss, and What I Wore with Delia Ephron. She died in 2012.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
What I Wish I’d KnownPeople have only one way to be.Buy, don’t rent.Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorcedfrom.Don’t cover a couch with anything that isn’t more orless beige.Don’t buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if itseems to be very soft and not particularly itchy whenyou try it on in the store.You can’t be friends with people who call after 11 p.m.Block everyone on your instant mail.The world’s greatest babysitter burns out after two anda half years.You never know.The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste ofmoney.The plane is not going to crash.Anything you think is wrong with your body at the ageof thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-five.At the age of fifty-five you will get a saggy roll justabove your waist even if you are painfully thin.This saggy roll just above your waist will be especiallyvisible from the back and will force you to reevaluatehalf the clothes in your closet, especially the whiteshirts.Write everything down.Keep a journal.Take more pictures.The empty nest is underrated.You can order more than one dessert.You can’t own too many black turtleneck sweaters.If the shoe doesn’t fit in the shoe store, it’s never goingto fit.When your children are teenagers, it’s important to havea dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.Back up your files.Overinsure everything.Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship ismore important than this,” watch out, because it almostnever is.There’s no point in making piecrust from scratch.The reason you’re waking up in the middle of the nightis the second glass of wine.The minute you decide to get divorced, go see a lawyerand file the papers.Overtip.Never let them know.If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, you’reahead of the game.If friends ask you to be their child’s guardian in casethey die in a plane crash, you can say no.There are no secrets.
