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![Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook by [F.L. Fowler]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51ZSxqtNzfL._SX260_.jpg)
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Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook Kindle Edition
F.L. Fowler (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.
“I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something delicious.
So begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James’s sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.
And before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts—“The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the climax of cooking)—Fifty Shades of Chicken is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more.
With memorable tips and revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have you dominating dinner.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherClarkson Potter
- Publication dateNovember 13, 2012
- File size15390 KB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of Fifty Shades and the gushing language of ‘food porn.’”—Bon Appetit
“This genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary,”—Glamour
“All signs indicate that Fifty Shades of Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.”—HuffPost
"The book that spawned ‘mommy porn’ has now given a new meaning to playing with your food. . . You’ll never look at chickens the same way again."—Salon
"Besides clever writing with laugh-out-loud double entendres, Fifty Shades of Chicken offers 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry Baked Chicken With Apple Cider."—The Republic
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Crap.
“No,” I squawk hoarsely.
“I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
“My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
I know what his hard cooking is like.
“I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
“Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
Give me a B!
Whack.
Give me an L!
Whack.
Give me an A!
Whack.
Give me a D! E! S!
Whack whack whack.
What does that spell?
Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness.
“You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
I must remember to cluck at him more often.
Mustard Spanked Chicken
roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic
Serves 4
1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.
2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.
3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.
4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.
***
The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too?
He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up into a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!
He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?
Dripping Thighs
roasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions
Serves 4
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon honey
1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.
2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.
3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes. --This text refers to the hardcover edition.
Amazon.com Review
Featured Recipe: Dripping Thighs
The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? He heats me up fast, it won’t take much too?
He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up to a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!
He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?
Ingredients
- 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
- 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
- 1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt
- ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
- 1 cup white wine
- 1 bay leaf
- 1 cinnamon stick
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1 tablespoon honey
Directions
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.
In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.
Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.
--This text refers to the hardcover edition.Product details
- ASIN : B009JU5G9C
- Publisher : Clarkson Potter (November 13, 2012)
- Publication date : November 13, 2012
- Language : English
- File size : 15390 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 200 pages
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #625,950 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #95 in Cooking Poultry
- #156 in Gourmet Cooking (Kindle Store)
- #202 in Poultry Cooking
- Customer Reviews:
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Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2017
Top reviews from the United States
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Overall, very successful gift, but it is definitely racy and geared more towards women!
I purchased a second copy for myself. This is the second novelty cookbook in my collection.
If you enjoyed Thug Kitchen's 'Eat Like You Give a *#$%' you will surely love 'Fifty Shades of Chicken' as it is the real deal.

Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2017
I purchased a second copy for myself. This is the second novelty cookbook in my collection.
If you enjoyed Thug Kitchen's 'Eat Like You Give a *#$%' you will surely love 'Fifty Shades of Chicken' as it is the real deal.

After thumbing through several copies and hearing the rave reviews from friends, I finally got my own copy. Not only is this a cookbook you can sit down to read, the recipes are mostly simple and delightful! Step by step guide all the way and even some pretty nice modeling I have to say. Great for conversation, great food and when I tell people where I got the recipe, I always get a knowing little smile.
I just wish I could find more books by this author written like this. Clever little pages of dirty talk to a chicken makes you want to try all the recipes!
But laughs aside, the recipes see are really quite good. Lately, I'm loving the White Wine-Steamed Chicken Breasts with Sesame Oil and Scallions and the Mustard-Spanked Chicken because I love mustard. Any time I'm in the mood for chicken, this is the book I find myself pulling out first. I only wish I had found this when it first came out.
On the whole, I say don't buy this as a gift, go full in knowing what you are getting into.
Top reviews from other countries



Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 4, 2020







