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Fifty Shades Darker: Book Two of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey Series) Paperback – Large Print, June 26, 2012
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For those of you intrigued by the words "butt plug" or "fisting," half of you will enjoy your lucky day, because one of those is kinda sorta featured in this book. As it is, the only fisting we ever see - ever come close to seeing - is that of Ana's or Christian's hands in the others' hair. And that happens a lot. Not as often as Ana or Christian gasping, or Christian setting his lips in a hard line, or Ana biting her lip, or Ana coming undone, or Christian frowning. In fact, Christian's frowning is such a "thing" that, when Ana frowns, another character observes that she's turning into Christian.
It's just ... WHERE THE HELL WAS THE EDITOR?
But I digress.
To dig too deeply into the spectacle that is 50 Shades of Grey is to approach Sisyphean frustration. Trust me, because I know of what I speak. I spent an inordinate amount of time wondering how it was that Christian Grey was 27 and a billionaire as I read the first book. I don't think we are meant to really ponder this stuff. I think we're supposed to strap on our dildos and have at it, as it were.
Okay, so. When we last left Christian and Ana, she had walked out on him, horrified at the depravity entailed in his life of BDSM. (Go ahead and Google THAT, people. I had to, so you might as well.) As with its muse, Twilight, we see our heroine descend into despair, but unlike Bella's months on end, Ana really only suffers for five days. Christian gets in touch with her, and it's game on, kids.Read more ›
Let me state it flat out: THIS "BOOK" IS THE MOST HORRENDOUS WASTE OF PAPER AND INK [OR 1S AND 0S, IF YOU'RE READING THE KINDLE VERSION] AS HAS EVER BEEN FOISTED ON PUBLIC.
Now I want to know where I can go to regain the hours I wasted reading this drivel. If you like erotica that reads like a teenage girl's wet dream, then this crap is for you. It's shallow, silly, poorly written, unimaginative, boring and tedious.
It's so bad, that I found myself SKIPPING OVER THE SEX just to get to the end of the book.
Now when the sex parts of erotica are the least interesting parts of the book, you've got trouble my friends.
A quick summary:
Anastasia, who is never described by the author, is supposed to be smart, educated and, according to Christian Grey, "beautiful", "bewitching" and "captivating". My sense is that she's frumpy and boring. And she has no style whatsoever. She spent the entire first book in her roommate's clothes or Christian's tee shirts.
She's in love with Christian Grey--who is a character right out of the imagination of your average Twilight enthusiast: tall, gorgeous, cut, hung, a billionaire, fluent in French, flies helicopters and gliders, is an oenophile, art collector, and all around saver-of-the-world through his development and promotion of gadgets designed for people who have no money. How he's become a billionaire at the age of 27 is left a mystery. And he occasionally talks like a Brit, as when he says someone has been "taken to hospital".
Oh, and he's the son of a crack whore, adopted by fabulously wealthy Seattleites, but he was beaten and neglected as a child so he's a dominant (dom).Read more ›
Inspired by another review I actually used my Kindle to count the ones that were most painful/annoying to read:
Lips bitten: 25
Eyes widened: 21
Eyes rolled: 51
"oh my": 45
F-bombs dropped: 173
Do the math! Lips are bitten and eyes are widened in every chapter. Someone gasps once every six pages. The main character "flushes" at least once every three pages.
Yes, the British author uses British colloquialisms that make no sense in the Pacific Northwest. Yes, the female protagonist is two dimensional and boring. Yes, her leading man is given a forced and contrived backstory in an unnecessary attempt to make sense of his kinkiness in a vanilla world. The sex scene was okay the first time I read it, but by the time it was recycled for the twelfth time or so it was just boring. And yes, in between the repetitions listed above the author inexplicably throws whatever was on her "word a day calendar" into character conversation where it sounds silly and awkward. But none of these things really destroy a good book quite like reading "I flush" for the hundredth time. Oh my!
Apologies to the fans out there. Imagine I'm writing this review with an "apologetic smirk."
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I purchased the whole set and I have read them several times each...Published 12 hours ago by sheryl
This is the second time I've tried to read this book and I just can't keep interest in it. The writing is poor and there is a lot of the same wording throughout the book. Read morePublished 3 days ago by Heather Steffey
Not the most impressive piece of literature I've ever read, by any means, but I still got caught up in the characters and their story. Great guilty pleasure reading. Read morePublished 4 days ago by Lmr