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In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy Paperback – May 17, 2011

by Adam Carolla (Author)

725 customer reviews

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A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.

It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Carolla...has keen political instincts and a vision for common sense."
--New York Post

"Laugh-out-loud funny… [Adam Carolla’s] invective-filled screed is often completely politically incorrect, and always completely hilarious."
–AOL's Popeater.com

"If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon."
--Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball

"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."
--Jimmy Kimmel

"Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person."
--Alec Baldwin

"If you’re a man, read this book. If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up. Nobody thinks that looks good."
--Seth MacFarlane

“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”
--Ken Burns

From the Hardcover edition.

About the Author

Adam Carolla is a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. He is the host of the Adam Carolla Podcast, before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles, and syndicated by CBS Radio. Besides these shows, Carolla is well known as the co-host of the radio show Loveline (and its television incarnation on MTV), as the co-creator and co-host of Comedy Central's The Man Show, and as the co-creator and the performer on Comedy Central and MTV's Crank Yankers and is a frequent contributor and contestant on ABC's top-rated program "Dancing with the Stars". Carolla also starred in, co-wrote, and co-produced the award-winning independent film, The Hammer. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two children.

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Product details

Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Three Rivers Press; Reprint edition (May 17, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0307717380
ISBN-13: 978-0307717382
Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 725 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #137,192 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #320 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Social Sciences > Gender Studies > General
- #392 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Love, Sex & Marriage
- #644 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essays

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Greg N.

Honestly, order two copies so you have one to give away while you read the first.

November 26, 2011

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I'll admit, I've been an Adam Carolla fan since I heard him on Loveline and saw him on the Man Show. I was baffled when "The Adam Carolla Project" didn't turn into a multi-season show. This guy is a real man, which based off what is spewed across the various types of media in front of me, I'll assume is pretty damn rare in Hollywood these days. While it's easy to see the fruits of his labor have finally paid off for him financially, it's refreshing to see a guy who earned his level of a lifestyle still continue to do what he knows how to do instead of become another pompous a-hole with a checkbook sitting around in white shorts and dock shoes smoking a damn cigar with a sweater draped over his shoulders. Instead of crying about how hard it is to work x days a week and be rich, the man encourages people to keep working despite success and the guy leads by example in my opinion.

He's funny because he's not afraid of being politically incorrect, but I doubt he sat down saying "How many topics can I talk about to sound politically incorrect." He's simply got the balls to publicly say what the few remaining real men in this world say only when they're inside their comfort zone, that is to their buddies. It's refreshing to see someone being honest by saying that he'd rather have been in the parking lot handing out cigars while his kids were being born, why white people with nothing else to worry about in life make up the majority of people who participate in fantasy sports, and why only a self entitled clown says they "rescued" a dog when they merely picked the cutest one out of the caged confines of the shelter.

I titled this review as such to let you know it's worth buying a second copy to give to a buddy because in honesty, the minute you start into it you're going to want to laugh about something you read with a buddy at the bar and few of us are capable of capturing the comedy written on these pages. In the days of pirated everything, I'm sure there are a hundred sites you can steal the book from digitally out there, but I'll simply say you're not doing yourself justice going that route. I bought the paperback and I'm going to break one of Ace's rules by giving it to a friend, but only because I'm ordering the hardcover for my shelf so I can enjoy this rapidly vanishing brand of humor and honesty for years to come.

Before you self righteous book critics take another attempt at slamming the book or even my review of it, remember one thing; Ace hasn't spent his life reading books let alone writing them, he's not going for a Pulitzer prize, and finally I'm not claiming to know much more than the right way to spell literary genius. I'm a damn guy who puts in his 50 hours a week, doesn't piss money away on lottery tickets looking for the big freebie from the imaginary man in the sky, and enjoys listening to Carolla's humor as suck down a beer or two while I wrench on a car or fix up my house during the 2-3 hours of free man time I'm lucky enough to have each week. If you haven't checked out his podcasts, you're missing out on the entertainment value of any chapter of this book free to your ears (and eyes) on a daily basis.

22 people found this helpful23 people found this helpful

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William A. Roesler

Mr Carolla Says If Is Not Broken......Leave It Alone

December 29, 2014

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

His other books are 3 stars, but this one I liked because his views of a changing world, and his rise to some prominence. He is very popular on the west coast. This reads a lot like Denis Leary's "Why We Suck" which is less of an "apostle of the obvious". Adam Carolla gets down and dirty, and pulls no punches about the "melennials" of entitlement. His taking of things that were simple and useful, and our now gone, is especially funny. Why they had to improve things, that were fine as is, is also a laugh riot. He loves his kids, and they are not spared. All are done with a fine sense of humor. Is he pissed off, yes and know. He uses some of that for effect. However, some of his critique's make sense. With all the new thinking, and new ways of doing things, are we really better off? He sets these up nicely for you, and it does make sense. Mr Carolla asks; if we are moving forward, or just complicating things that were practical, and would work forever......e.g. why do we change things for the sake of change?So many of his jibes poke fun @ overkill and annoying people who, because of the world we now live in, have absolutely zero social skills. Why should we play basketball when we can sit @ home, get fat and eat and play it on x-box ?. His observations are not anything new, but they do make you wonder about the days when you had to remember to shut your lights off in your house, close the garage door, and not do it while your @ the movies. His idea of dumbing down does make some sense. After all he says, we will become slaves to political correctness and having a 80" flat screen, with nothing but "Honey Boo Boo to watch.

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

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Guy A.

Not bad, but choose his other book, Not Taco Bell Material, which is super funny

October 22, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I loved his book Not Taco Bell Material, so I was eager to read this next. It is a fine, light read, and has some funny passages, but it really seems like he is stretching for material - opining on everything under the sun with insights that sometimes are funny or interesting, and other times nonsensical or overbroad (e.g., his take on squirrels).

He is a funny guy and it is a good bathroom reading type of book, but it seemed like he had to produce a book so was really reaching for topics. Not Taco Bell Material was far superior and truly hilarious.

One person found this helpful2 people found this helpful

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Clark Hansen

Truly Funny

April 3, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I enjoyed this book cover to cover. Several times I found myself laughing out loud to the point that my wife told me to take a break. Adam hits on so many topics, and all from a wealth of real-world experience. His background and his genuine views make this book all the more hilarious as well as informative. I especially liked his down to earth perspectives on race, gender relations and family. Many would find the views offensive, but those reacting like that are most likely just one-dimensional creatures who walk through life with a chip on their shoulder, searching flalingly for the next micro-aggression.

Strongly recommend to anyone who seeks genuine humor and views the world through an adult prism.

G. Clark Hansen, Author of "Liberty Boiling"

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