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First Year of Marriage: The Newlywed's Guide to Building a Strong Foundation and Adjusting to Married Life Kindle Edition
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Top Customer Reviews
With the selection process out of the way, during your engagement more tests to your relationship are presented as to whether or not your dispositions mesh. Often times this is through the various upheavals within your family or friends whether it’s an illness, infidelity, divorces, engagements or just the family drama queen. All of this is thrown into the microcosm of your engagement and if both of you can weather that storm; you realize how blessed you are to have each other and continue toward your wedding day.
Just as you think you are home free, your patience is tested on your wedding day and wrongly you believe as long as you get through all of that, your marriage will be an oasis of love, understanding and fun. Or will it? Have you talked about the various parameters within your marriage? For instance, have you ascertained how each of you discusses loudly or fights? Do you know each one’s mechanism for making up? Do you know how few or many children you each desire? How many times during the week or month or quarterly you’d like to have sex, work on the budget, go grocery shopping or buy a big ticket item? Have you discussed eating patterns, anniversary, birthday gifts, what, where or with whom you celebrate holidays, or even your vision for your marriage? Not yet? This book is your new best friend. It is your new toolkit for having a successful marriage that can last a light lifetime. A lifetime filled with happiness, understanding and communication.
Nothing prepares us for all the parameters of marriage in a balanced form for both partners. Not through our parents, who probably duplicated what they each saw their parents do whether that worked for them or not, depends on their baggage. You might duplicate them or use some polar opposite form that you are dragging around with you into your marriage. I see this book as the perfect foil of misunderstandings between you and your spouse. It engages you from every angle, so that there are only minor surprises throughout the rest of your lives. The authors believe much like me that communication is the basis for everything and especially in marriage. In order to fully understand your partner, you will need to talk to them, ask them their hopes and dreams and really listen. Listen without something blaring in the background or showing on a 40+ inch screen.
First Year of Marriage is well researched and they offer examples from their own marriage to assist deeper understanding of using their tools in real-world situations. There are many books on the subject but some of them read like theorems conjured up in a laboratory. First Year of Marriage offers not only reading materials based on their research of their marriage and other peoples’ marriage, it is also your guidebook. Used as your self-guided written handbook within your own marriage, also a workbook to ultimately assist you in achieving your own specific handbook.
Does this sound like a lot of work to do on your marriage? First of all, get the idea of your working on your marriage out of your vocabulary and that you’re working within your marriage, to implement enhancements to your marriage together. You could use the questions within the book as a retreat getting to know each other better. Knowing your vision together for your marriage is just icing (frosting) on the cake to lead you to continue going forward in the same love direction. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not like what business plans used to be, you are not working on these questions and parameters once and then throwing them in a drawer somewhere, no this is the heart of your marriage. It is pumping much needed oxygen into your system, so that you can breathe deeper, love deeper and achieve that dream (from your engagement or wedding day) of living successfully happily ever after. And now with this book, as your toolkit you have your blueprint to perceive, conceive and achieve your living breathing developing marriage filled with happiness (with knowledge) over your lifetime.
With that background and some introductory comments they open their book with – ‘As humans, we never realize how selfish we are until we get married and have to put someone else’s needs before our own wants. Sharing our life with someone can be a big adjustment; it was for us. When you get married most of those “I” statements change to “We” and “Us” statements. The fact of the matter is, when you are a single unmarried person you only have one person to think about, yourself. However, marriage changes it all; at least it should. You have now committed to spending your life with your spouse, so everything you do should be geared towards cultivating a lasting marriage. At each fork in the road you look through that lens and ask yourself, “Will this help or hurt our goal of a happy, healthy, and lasting marriage?”
The book is divided into the following sections: From I to We, How to Fight Fair, Communication & Expectations, The Glue That Holds Your Marriage Together, Your Money and Your Marriage, Sexual Intimacy & Spirituality, Setting Boundaries, Nurturing Your Marriage, In Sickness and Health, for Richer, for Poorer, How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage and Family, and The Choice Is Yours. And though these are broad topics, each is discussed fully with practical answers and suggestions for growing a healthy marriage form the start. Grady Harp, June 16
I very much enjoyed the use of the comparison of marriage to two people on either end of a canoe, and how you have to make sure you're both on the same team, i.e. synchronizing your paddling and working through life's obstacles (wind & waves) together. If either one of you goes your own way without letting the other know, you're in danger of falling apart (tipping over).
There were some things that I felt didn't really apply to my situation though, seeing as my fiancé and I have already lived together for 7 years before deciding to get married (in less than 2 months!), but I realize how it would be beneficial if my situation were more traditional. :) There is a definite theme to this book about using everything that is discussed, to build a strong foundation that will give you a lasting and fulfilling marriage and I definitely will be keeping this book on hand for future reference, should we ever need a reminder.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
The book has a lot of pointers and ways to check where your marriage stands and how to get it to where you want it to be.Read more
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