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The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want Paperback – August 27, 2013
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"Hall tells us there is no such thing as one-size-fits-all flirting, and he has the academic chops to prove it! This book is like a GPS for singles looking for the most direct route to finding love."
-Jodie Gould, coauthor of Date Like A Man: To Find The Man You Want
"Socrates famously, and wisely, told each of his students: "Know thyself." Dr. Hall tells us each of us to "know your style." If you are interesting in learning more about romantic relationships, how they are formed and why some fail to launch, then you need to read this book. If you want to understand your own successes and challenges when meeting others, then you need to read this book. Don't waste time looking for a few magical "pick-up lines." Making impressions on others is more strongly linked to who you are, your own confidence, and your style of communicating."
-Michael Cody, former Editor-in-Chief, Journal of Communication; Communication Theory.
"This book is a stunning wealth of information when it comes to men, women, love and how we express ourselves through this dance called flirting! The biggest gift Jeffrey Hall gives us is to help us all understand each other and ourselves on a much deeper level."
-Jeannie Assimos, Director of Content, eHarmony Advice
About the Author
Jeffrey A. Hall, Ph.D. is the nationally-recognized expert on flirting styles. He is the lead author of the Flirting Styles Inventory, an author of over 20 peer-reviewed research articles and an assistant professor of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence. The five flirting styles continue to generate strong media interest, and stories about them have appeared in Glamour, Cosmo, Women’s Health, Women’s World, and Marie Claire.
Top customer reviews
The message of the book is a really important one: there is no "good" or "bad" flirting style, just different ones. And once you know yours, you can save yourself a lot of time trying other styles that just don't come naturally to you.
One bit of advice I loved in the book was the observation that some of us are better on first dates with people we've gotten to know from school, work, etc. than we are talking up a stranger and having success at a bar/club. If that's so, the book asks, why would we continue to waste time trying to meet people at bars and clubs if we know we suck at that? Instead, shouldn't we be focusing on going out on more first dates where we're naturally more comfortable and have more success?
Simple but great observation.
The book not only does a good job helping you understand how to get more comfortable with your natural style but also helps you recognize other's styles and how to understand/complement them. If you're a physical flirt and someone else is a sincere flirt, you can adapt your style to complement and satisfy theirs.
Probably best of all the book is a non-judgemental yet ethical how to. You can use these methods and feel good about yourself.
1) There are five flirting styles that the author has identified (although his definitions are neither mutually exclusive nor collectively exhaustive, but they're fine): Physical, Playful, Polite, Traditional, Sincere
2) The author believes that most people exhibit just one or two of these styles and that this explains why some folks mesh and others don't.
So what, then? Well, I don't want to bash the book too hard, because I learned at least one interesting snippet. For instance, folks who go to a bar meet someone interesting around 10% of the time, but if you break that down by flirting style, you find that physical flirts reporting meeting someone interesting about 25% of the time. Does this explain why those of us with other "flirting styles" are even less successful at bars? Maybe. Is it useful? Perhaps. But, and here's the crucial question, do I believe the author? Um, yes and no.
I don't really buy into the idea that folks have just one or two "styles" because I see bits of myself in all of them. If you take the on-line questionnaire, you'll find it forces you into one or two "styles" but that's just a poorly designed questionnaire, not proof of accuracy.
My title for this review was "book teases but doesn't please" and yet I've told you very little other than that I disagree with the central hypothesis of this book. I had hoped to learn something more but was left with something between disappointment and irritation. It seems pretty clear the author did some research that was enough to get him a PhD (oh, how things have changed!) and he felt like he could make some money on the side. Well, sadly, I don't think there's really enough here for a book (or a degree, for that matter, but I clearly wasn't on his examining board!). Ultimately I didn't learn enough new things to make purchasing the book worthwhile. But, with that having been said, if you see a copy it might be worth a quick browse, which is all you'll need to get 90% of the useful content.
If you didn't find this review useful, please let me know how I can improve it in the comments section.
It must be said that this isn't one of those books.
This is, at best, a framework. It's not going to answer everything. It's not amazingly insightful. But as a cognitive tool, I found it useful. It's easier to read frameworks than develop them, painfully, over time. You get to edit rather than write, which is much, much easier.
And while I don't fully believe in each of the book's classifications, the author takes a stab at a complex topic and delivers, for which he deserves points. I can see the mix of various segments (Polite, physical etc) in the people around me, and to that end, the book did it's job.