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Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate Paperback – June 1, 1995

by Gary Chapman (Author)

4.6 876 ratings

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Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce.  Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five basic love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these and guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp!

Print length

204 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Northfield Publishing
Publication date

June 1, 1995
Dimensions

6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

1881273156
ISBN-13

978-1881273158
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouses and your own love language? Chapmans short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

Although some readers may find choosing to love a spouse that they no longer even like hoping the feelings of affection will follow later a difficult concept to swallow, Chapman promises that the results will be worth the effort. "Love is a choice," says Chapman. "And either partner can start the process today." --Cindy Crosby. This text refers to the Amazon.com Exclusive Journal & Paperback Book Set.

From the Back Cover

ARE YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE SPEAKING THE SAME LANGUAGE? He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk.  She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal.  The problem isn't your love--it's your love language! In this international best seller, Dr. Gary Chapman reveals how different people express love in different ways.  In fact, there are five specific languages of love: -Quality Time -Words of Affirmation -Gifts -Acts of Service -Physical Touch What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse.  But here, at last, is the key to understanding each other's unique needs.  Apply the right principles, learn the right language, and soon you'll know the profound satisfaction and joy of being able to express your love--and feeling truly loved in return.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Northfield Publishing; Reprinted edition (June 1, 1995)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 204 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1881273156
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1881273158
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #61,034 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #283 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #459 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #472 in Marriage

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Gary Chapman

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Gary Chapman—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® series and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary Travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

For more information, visit 5lovelanguages.com or connect with Gary on his social platforms:

Twitter @DrGaryChapman

Facebook /5lovelanguages

Instagram /5lovelanguages

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5

876 global ratings

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3 star		6%
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PJ

Great book

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 10, 2023

Love this book

Learn How To Love Your Mate

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 10, 2012

Verified Purchase

This book is an all-time best-selling classic in the field of relationship counseling. The interesting thing however, is that if couples would read this book early-on in their relationship... even before getting married (as my wife and I did)... there might not be so much need for relationship counselors in the first place. The tragic mistake that so many people make, as outlined in this book, is that they try to express love for their mate in a way that is exactly how they would want love expressed to them. The intent is good there, it is after all an attempt to "do unto others as you would have done unto you". The problem lies not with the intent, but with the execution. For example, if a man appreciates "words of affirmation" from his wife (having his wife say every day that she loves or admires him)... and he reciprocates by offering his wife similar "words of affirmations" ... that may not be the particular "Love Language" that his wife appreciates. She might, for example, more appreciate "Quality Time" (spending time talking with her), or "Acts of Service" (getting that chore list done for here) much more-so that just words. Or... vice-versa... it varies according to the emotional makeup of each individual. The main message here is that in a loving relationship, it is not enough to do unto others as you would have done unto you... one must go beyond that to do unto others as they would prefer that you do unto them... and that requires more understanding and work that just "being nice".
Although this example is not given in the book, I think the best example of this dynamic is a story a pastor once told me about a 75-year old man and woman who had been married for 50 years. Every morning the man lovingly cut off the END piece of a fresh loaf of bread and gave it to his wife, while he took an INTERIOR piece of the bread loaf for himself. After 50 years, the wife could no longer contain her secret resentment, and she yelled "Why do you always give me that crusty END piece, and take a nice soft inside piece for yourself!?" The old man paused a moment, and as tears welled up in his eyes, he said to his wife, "Dear, the end piece is my favorite part. I have been giving the end piece to you all these years because I thought surely it must also be your favorite part." How very sad. The man had been sacrificing needlessly, out of love, when if the couple had just had better communication, they could have EACH been enjoying their respective favorite parts of the bread loaf, with no need for such sacrifice. Even more sad... all those years of needless resentment festering within the wife, who thought her husband was being selfish, when he was actually being self-sacrificing.
The moral of this story: discover what your mate's "love languages" are, and love them how they want to be loved... not how you assume they want to be loved, just because that's how you want to be loved. And as a real though-provoking side-note: if you are not married yet... try to find a mate whose "love languages" are basically the SAME as yours... and then, you can just do what comes naturally, without having to worry about such things very much. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a lasting and loving relationship with their spouse.

18 people found this helpful

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SM

Amazing book!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 16, 2023

Verified Purchase

Easy read with a lot of helpful information!

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HelloReese

Underlying message is still valuable - but it only works if you are in a healthy relationship already

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 10, 2016

Verified Purchase

This is a very good book for anyone who is in a relationship that is basically healthy and sound. Or for individuals looking to enter into a relationship, who are emotionally healthy. Basically the book explains that due to people's individual personality preferences, upbringings, etc., we all have a certain preference for a certain "language" of love - we most value the way our partner shows us they care for us in a certain way, such as physical affection, words of affirmation, or acts of service. It explains that learning which one your partner most values is very important in a relationship, so that you can focus on doing/saying those things to make your partner happy.

This book was released years ago, so it does feel a bit dated in that respect. There are far more self help books about relationships now than there were when this book was released, that address relationships in a more complex and comprehensive way. But this book is still valuable for its underlying message. But, this book is only for a certain amount of people, as I mentioned in the beginning of this review. It is for people who are already in a reasonably healthy relationships, who have the capacity to be generous and put their partner first, and compromise, for the good of the relationship. If you are in a relationship with a person who is emotionally stunted, selfish, narcissistic, doesn't show you often enough in any type of way that they care for you - this book won't help you at all. Even if you learn your partner's "love language" and adjust your behavior to do/say the things that most make your partner feel happy and loved, if they're not doing the same for you, you're going to be frustrated and unhappy, and this book won't help at all.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Robert I. Hedges

Unquestionably The Best Book I Have Read On Relationships

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 13, 2005

Verified Purchase

Everyone who has had a significant relationship understands the fundamental reality that relationships are hard and require lots of work to be successful. Of all the books I have read on relationships, this one has the best, most applicable, most practical, and most comprehensible advice for couples (targeted particularly to married couples). In this book Gary Chapman explains his concept of the "five love languages" which are in a sense just the ways that different people give and receive love (and desire love to be demonstrated to them). He explains different viewpoints about love in relationships in a reasonable and graspable manner that anyone can understand, and of key import, he helps you determine your primary love language or love languages (some people like me have two). When combined with the love language of your partner, you can quickly see where things can potentially go asunder.

Although he doesn't specifically recommend it as a premarital compatibility tool, I think that is perhaps one of the best uses you could make of this book. Hopefully you can find someone with the same languages you share, but if you can't you can at least know what to expect in future interactions with your intended spouse.

This book is very simple and very easy to read (I read it easily in an afternoon), but it is also very powerful and helpful. Like most books of this sort, this is normally read by people in a struggling relationship, but I also recommend it for people in a healthy relationship (though perhaps less urgently) to try to improve what already seems great.

This book was recommended by a trusted friend of mine; it sounded so useful that I ordered it the same night she told me about it, and read it the day after it arrived. I am so grateful that she recommended it to me: this book really opened my eyes on relationships in general and was right on target in my own personal experience. I am a skeptic by nature, but I recommend this book highly and without reservation to anyone in any kind of a relationship.

4 people found this helpful

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CaraLou

Inspiring!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on January 20, 2009

Verified Purchase

I bought this book to try and learn something about relationships. I am in a long distance relationship with someone I love very much, and I could not understand why it was so difficult to maintain the feelings of love in the relationship, it wasn't just about the distance. After reading this book, I now understand why, and it also answered some fundamental issues and questions I've always had about the relationships I had with my parents when I was growing up. This book is well written, easy to read, and is based on Chapman's real life experience which lends it extra weight. It is superb and extremely inspiring! Thank you so much Dr. Chapman.

One person found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Perfect except my ma is a cow

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on November 23, 2018

Verified Purchase

Great book I purchased for my mother but she’s still an evil old bat. Her only love language is calling me everything she can. Delivered in great time and great value for money

2 people found this helpful

T. Pigott

Wow this should be on every couples wedding gift list!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on November 21, 2009

Verified Purchase

Just had to let you know that this is an amazing book! My husband and I have both read it and it has really enriched our marraige. We have bought several other copies and given it to couples as Christmas Gifts, Engagement Presents and Part of wedding presents! We know of a marraige that was saved with the help of this book. The 5 love languages for Children and Teens was also very helpful and practical.

Christine Adele

An amazing book. It gives clarity to why we behave ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 10, 2014

Verified Purchase

An amazing book. It gives clarity to why we behave the way we do in marriage, and at the end shows us that our children display their love languages too.

F. Dixon

Excellent

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on February 7, 2007

Verified Purchase

This book is recommeded by the Marriage Course ( a course to help strengthen relationships). its easy to get bogged down in life and forget your partner. it helps you understand how you and they feel loved, something which we need to get right. people feel loved in different ways and not necessarily the way that you yourself feels love.

I reccommend this along with doing The Marriage Course (a course that is available throughout the country) It consists of 7 nights with a meal, a dvd talk and a workbook. its like an 7 week long date and helps to reignite communication and dealing with life together and face conflicts. Do a google to find your local one!

7 people found this helpful

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