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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant Hardcover – September 15, 2005
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About the Author
John Warner is a successful editor of many books and has published many popular novels with his unique writing ability.
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(Caution: if you're a fan of Ann Coulter or certain tax cuts, this book may not be for you.)
I not only learned how to fondle my muse through this mental journey, but also how to eliminate unwanted distractions, assassinate bad reviewers, and generally abuse my authorly powers!
For anyone who has ever dreamed of writing a great novel, has already written a great novel, or simply wonders if their great novel is really that great, I most definitely recommend this book. Do everything it says, down to the last letter. If only Stephenie Meyer had read this book before writing her Twilight Saga, maybe something good would have come of that epic waste of paper. As for Fondling Your Muse; it's made of epic win!
It was oddly helpful in a way not unlike when you're reading a gut-bustingly funny book while at the same time eating a bowl of Friendly's "Forbidden Chocolate Explosion" ice cream, and suddenly all of the ice cream comes spurting out of your nose because you just came upon the most hilarious passage you've ever read, and then you realize how "a propos" the name of the ice cream is, and you clean yourself up and go to the store because that was the last of the ice cream, and you're searching the frozen food section while trying to ignore the awkward-yet-gawking looks you've been receiving from the other shoppers, and an acquaintance comes up to you and you say hi, and he asks how it's going and what that crusty brown spot is on your left cheek, and you're like "Crusty brown spot? What crusty brown spot?", and he shuffles his feet on the linoleum and coughs in an unconvincing manner and makes a hasty exit, and you start getting an uncomfortable feeling and rush to the bathroom, but you don't know where it is so you ask the stock guy in aisle 3, and he refuses to make eye contact while pointing you in the approximate direction, and you finally get in there and see your flourescently-lit reflection in the mirror and you're all "Oh my god! I've got Friendly's 'Forbidden Chocolate Explosion' on my face! Thank goodness somebody told me! That could have been really embarrassing!"
This book was a must-buy because a few weeks ago (I think it was a Tuesday), two thugs (who later confessed to having been hired by the author) accosted me in an alleyway and shoved a copy of "Fondling Your Muse" at me while grunting, "Must buy. Must buy." They were wearing trenchcoats, so...
This is a mighty good book. If you want to write, if you want to be rich, if you want to be famous, if you think you might need some advice, look no further.
I've read the book and look how good I write now!!! To borrow a phrase from the matchless John Warner, "Woo-hoo!". Thunderous applause, critical accolades, and unimaginable wealth is (are?) no longer a pipe dream for me.
How 'bout you?
The book often made me laugh out loud. Its tone, to over-generalize, is basically an ironic smarty-pants meets silly grade schooler (which, as can be expected, quite similar to that of McSweeney's Internet Tendency). What I liked best about the book is that, while taking numerous jabs at anyone from Oprah, to Stephen King, to John Updike, to Gee Dubya, to Hillary Clinton, Warner never seems snarky or mean. The tone remains playful as Warner's tongue is held firmly in cheek, and the result in a book that is pretty much delightful in its entirety. As one who Warner would deem "writerly aspirant", I found the book to be dead-on when it comes to characterizing the various writer stereotypes, conversations, and mindsets. This is the perfect gift for your friend who dreams of writing, yet is able to take her/himself not-so seriously. Even those who aren't planning on writing the Great American Novel or publishing volumes of their nature poetry can, I think, appreciate this book.
Most recent customer reviews
I was unaware, until faced with the cover of this book, that Warner was the editor of McSweeney's, and as soon...Read more
this one...." and found myself angry at first for
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