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The Football Fan's Manifesto Paperback – August 18, 2009
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“Fantasy football fans that don’t read Michael Tunison’s book and recognize it as the gospel truth aren’t real football fans.” (Gregg Rosenthal, Rotoworld.com)
From the Back Cover
The Football Fan's Ten Commandments
- You Must Choose Your Team by the Age of Eight.
- Value That Team Above All Else, Even Yourself.
- Under No Circumstances Can You Switch Teams (And Expect to Live).
- There is a Limit to the Amount of Merchandise You Can Own (But It's Very Generous).
- Sportsmanship is for the Athletes. Fans Can Gloat Endlessly.
- A Self-Induced Coma to Skip the Off-season is a Practical Solution to an Annoying Problem.
- An Inoffensive Fantasy Football Name is a Lame Fantasy Football Name.
- Wealth Doesn't Matter So Long As You Don't Have to Work Weekends.
- Respect Superstitions. If Your Team Lost, It's Because You Jinxed Them.
- In Life, the Order of Importance: Football First, Football Second, Football Third, Family . . . uh, I Don't Know, twelfth?
These are just the basics if you wish to be a True Football Fan. The full picture is much more complex and boozy. Thankfully, The Football Fan's Manifesto is your very own playbook to the strict rules and bylaws that must be scrupulously observed. After all, trash-talking is an intricate science and running onto the field a dangerous but irresistible pursuit. There are many lessons to be learned, especially that choosing a favorite team to live and die with is not a choice made easily: It's the most important decision of your life!
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Top Customer Reviews
A snarky (what, a blogger who cops a snarky attitude? Get out) take on how to be a fan of an NFL team, Tunison hits the expected notes (pick a team to root for young, never change allegiance ever, hit fans of other teams in the balls with bricks, etc.) and makes sure to shoehorn in the occasional commentary snidely referencing the fact that NFL owners and players give two tugs of a dead dog's dick about their fans so it's all pretty much a waste of time, money and emotional investment anyways.
The book follows the lifetime of an average fan, starting with picking out a favorite team as a child, progressing through learning how to insult fans of other teams, arranging college life around football, how to pick a spouse that won't interfere with being a fan, etc and so on through death (even though, as Al Davis aptly proves, death is no reason to stop being involved with football).
Sections on each team's city and respective fanbases, larded with insults tailored to each are chuckle-worthy, even if the insults are mostly of the "take a word for some genitalia and combine with a meaningless noun to form New Insult #487" stripe. I particularly giggled at the expected gibes against terrible franchises like the Redskins or Raiders. I certainly chuckled out loud a few times here and there.
The problem is, this style of writing makes for an excellent blog post, but not so much for an excellent book.Read more ›
Though humorous, the book is a near perfect encapsulation of what it means to be a Football fan, much like Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch was for soccer. This makes it the perfect gift for not only hardcore fans themselves, but also for Football widows seeking to understand their disturbed partner's psyche. Also great for newcomers to the game(where have you been?) and foreign visitors seeking a better understanding of American culture.
One of the best books written on Football in the past 30 years, your football season won't be complete unless you buy a copy!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I've been a fan of Mr. Tunison's irreverent, offensive, and downright hilarious work on the website kissingsuzykolber.com for years. Read morePublished on October 25, 2010 by The Czonk
Quite a funny book, with the same quality humor expected from Deadspin/KSK. Must have for any true football fan.Published on September 30, 2009 by K. Wilcock