The weapons are formidable—intimidation, betrayal, belittling, exclusion, and more—and their sting is sharpest when wielded by a mother, a sister, or another family member. Relatives are permanent fixtures in your life; they know your personal history, your likes and dislikes, and your vulnerabilities, giving their cruelty and criticism a special power to wound. What can you do about it?

In Forced to Be Family, Cheryl Dellasega, the acclaimed author of Mean Girls Grown Up and Surviving Ophelia, takes a close look at how women in families relate to and transgress against each other. Drawing on hundreds of stories from interviews, correspondence, and survey groups, Dellasega examines the dynamics of relational aggression among family members (Relative RA) and helps you overcome this heartbreaking situa-tion and peacefully coexist with women who will always be close to you.

To help you understand and cope with the most difficult aspects of Relative RA, this guide is built around six insights into female relationships within families:

• Women form intense and complex bonds with their female relatives.

• Women expect more from—and forgive more of—family members than friends.

• The permanence of family gives Relative RA a special power.

• Relationships with in-laws operate under a different set of assumptions than those with blood relations.

• Even the most vicious abuser can still feel great affection toward her victims and be unaware of her cruelty.

• Even the most difficult family relationships can be navigated using basic strategies to empower you and others.

Cheryl Dellasega introduces you to scores of women who have experienced what you are going through now. You'll meet the administra-

tive assistant who still battles with her five

sisters for her parents' attention and approval, the high-level executive whose alcoholic sister envies and belittles her success, and the accomplished journalist whose mother resented and berated her to her dying day.

You'll learn how to determine whether the difficulties you're having with a family member are, in fact, RA. And you'll discover techniques for identifying and defusing destructive patterns of interpersonal and familywide behavior that can persist for months, years, and even generations.

Don't let the heartache of Relative RA continue to poison your most important rela-tionships. Read Forced to Be Family and learn how to live in peace with your loved ones.

You can survive the "kitchen wars"—and live in peace with your family

"My sisters-in-law couldn't stand me. I was really hurt when my kids weren't mentioned in their grandmother's obituary because they weren't 'full-blooded' family."

"My mom is always giving advice, always telling me to do such and such when she doesn't do it herself. If my husband and I have a fight, she takes his side!"

"My sister did call me a week later to apologize but proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with me, my husband, and my children."

Sound familiar? There's nothing new or unusual about conflict between mothers, sisters, and other female family members—but that doesn't make it any less painful or destructive. Adding to the hurt of relational abuse within the family is the permanent nature of the relationship: you can sever relations with an abusive friend, but you can't stop being the sister/daughter/niece of an abusive relative. Does that mean that there's no way out?

In Forced to Be Family, you'll discover how to determine whether a female family member is being abusive, recognize the sources of that abuse, and break the vicious cycle that keeps the abuse alive. You don't have to choose between accepting abuse and "making a scene." This insightful, reassuring guide gives you the strategies and understanding you need to reestablish warm and loving relationships with the women who will always be closest to you.

Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, is a professor in the department of humanities at the College of Medicine and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Mean Girls Grown Up and four other books: Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, the award-winning The Starving Family, and Bloggrls, a fiction series for girls.