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Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness Hardcover – December 24, 2001
The 30 Best Self Help Books
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From Publishers Weekly
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, insists Fred Luskin in Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, nor does it mean condoning bad behavior. What it does mean is that you "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Luskin, a practicing psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
To forgive may be divine, according to Alexander Pope, but it is hardly easy. How do you forgive a hit-and-run driver, a boss who makes life unbearable, or a cheating spouse? Luskin says not only can you forgive such people but that for your own good mental and physical health, you must. The author is careful to make the distinction between forgiveness and condoning actions, forgetting them, or reconciling with the offender, all or some of which may not be possible. He says that over time we build up "grievances" against others on which we obsess and that make it impossible to get on with our lives. It is only through forgiveness that we can let go of the grievance, stop playing the role of victim, and move on. Through case studies, he indicates how we build up grievances and how they can block our happiness. He then describes the HEAL method of forgiveness, which stands for Hope, Educate, Affirm, and Long-term. Good practical advice for a very difficult task. Marlene Chamberlain
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Top Customer Reviews
What it doesn't do (and doesn't claim to do) is to keep the same person or situation from hurting you again. But Dr. Luskin does tell you that you are under no obligation to forget when you forgive, or even to remain in a relationship with that person.
He explains how our minds work to form grievances, as well as the coping mechanisms and tools we need to develop to cope with tough life events. If you have ever felt wronged by a person or situation, I can say with confidence that this book will help you process it. The powerful message instilled by this book: we are not victims in life and the less we live as victims, the more powerful we become to create positive outcomes for ourselves and others. Having read many self-help books and books on trauma over the years, I have been highly impressed by the author's simple way of breaking down complex concepts into manageable, understandable bits. This is a book I will be reading slowly to get the most out of its rich contents. I anticipate rereading this book and have already recommended it to numerous friends and family.
I've been mad at my boyfriend for sleeping with another woman, and abandoning me to be on my own in a hospital after I took a bunch of pills when I found that out. The whole year passed, and all I could do was run this "movie" in my head what an "injustice" he did to me every day first thing when I woke up and every time I was falling asleep.
I was suffocated with those thoughts and they didn't let me live the full life, or have an enthusiasm to meet or get to know someone else, and this is while being attractive young woman. I realized I needed something to be changed about this, otherwise it was just impossible to live like that.
Dr. Luskin, like gentle father, took me by hand and showed step by step, how I am stuck in the miry swamp of my own grievance.As turns out, it's us and only us who's responsible for how we feel and only we can control whether we are going to let our past dictate and poison our present and our happiness, or can we just accept that whatever happened is in the past, and the grievance in the present will not bring us any use but harm. What s amazing, harm to our health first of all. If you are ready for brighter present and future and ready to let go of your past offenses and be happy - let Dr. Luskin show you how. He did it for me, for which I am very thankful. And I can enjoy life again :)
The downside: the book is a little repetitive, and a little dry, but if you get through the whole thing, it really changes your attitude to how you react to unpleasant events, learn not to take it personally, learn to be the boss of how you feel and don't let wrongdoings of some bad people be the dictator of your happiness and piece of mind
I also ordered his other book, "Forgive for Love" and currently reading it now