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Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness Hardcover – December 24, 2001

4.4 out of 5 stars 193 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, insists Fred Luskin in Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, nor does it mean condoning bad behavior. What it does mean is that you "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Luskin, a practicing psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

To forgive may be divine, according to Alexander Pope, but it is hardly easy. How do you forgive a hit-and-run driver, a boss who makes life unbearable, or a cheating spouse? Luskin says not only can you forgive such people but that for your own good mental and physical health, you must. The author is careful to make the distinction between forgiveness and condoning actions, forgetting them, or reconciling with the offender, all or some of which may not be possible. He says that over time we build up "grievances" against others on which we obsess and that make it impossible to get on with our lives. It is only through forgiveness that we can let go of the grievance, stop playing the role of victim, and move on. Through case studies, he indicates how we build up grievances and how they can block our happiness. He then describes the HEAL method of forgiveness, which stands for Hope, Educate, Affirm, and Long-term. Good practical advice for a very difficult task. Marlene Chamberlain
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; First Edition First Printing, Norations edition (December 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062517201
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062517203
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.9 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (193 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #100,538 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I bought three books on forgiveness and returned the other two.
The people I needed to forgive ranged from my father for demanding to know why I "didn't get an A+" on a math exam for which I had ONLY received an A, as well as for not protecting me from the prying eyes of my younger brother as I was maturing into a woman, to the murderer of my roommate as well as his defense attorney the latter worked real hard at (and basically succeeded in) rattling my cage by showing me gruesome crime scene and autopsy photos of my beaten and strangled friend while I testified at the trial.
I can and will explain my reasons for keeping this book and returning the others in two ways.
THE TOUCHY-FEELY REASON
While reading this book (Forgive For Good) I felt understood, hopeful, calm, and, most important, forgiving, whereas when reading the other two books I quickly became bored and frustrated and had to work hard just to get through them.
THE RATIONAL REASONS
a.
Forgive For Good, contrary to what some other customer reviewers have said, accepted right on page one that I had something to forgive and it immediately granted me "personal power" on a silver platter so I could proceed with the forgiving. Conversely, the other books were similar to most psychological self-help books I've read that focus the vast majority of their pages to figuring out whether or not I had really been a victim and just who was to blame for my problems and emphasised the probability that I would need outside help for years to do so.
The first "step" in all three books is having someone validate our pain.
Read more ›
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Format: Hardcover
This is the one book that changed my life. Good literature for the soul. Especially good for people who are coping with depression, excessive stress, or panic attacks. Easy read, simple logic, no ambiguity; this writing is clear and the instructions on forgiving are concrete. Unlike most self help books this one is not abstract and these are tools you can start using now and they stay with you.
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Format: Hardcover
I found this book accidentally, while I was searching for something else. I'm extremely glad that I read it, though, because I really needed to let go of grievances that have been ruining my life. The book provides logical, well-supported arguments for why and how you should forgive people and institutions that have caused you pain.
My one criticism of this book is that it's too long-winded. A good editor could cut this book down to half its length without losing any substantial content. Less is more.
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Format: Paperback
I took Fred Luskin's forgiveness training class online, and read this book. I am simply astonished at how well his methods work, and how quickly.

I was coming out of a long depression, and two and half years of deep therapy for incest, and a whole lifetime of terrible relationships. Most of the work in analysis was done, but I had huge feelings that I couldn't put to rest. Anger. Grief. Fear about about the future.

Fred's methodology is very practical and sensible. It's easy to learn, and easy to do. It's a discipline, so you have to exercise it. But what I found was that, when I had these bad feelings and I went through the discipline, I could not only manage the feelings, but also gain insight and peace of mind.

This is exactly what I'd hoped for, because I knew that all these negative emotions were keeping me from moving on with my life. I highly recommend the book and the online course.
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By A Customer on January 29, 2004
Format: Paperback
Loved it!! One of the best book I have read on forgiveness. I like how he defines rules as being enforceable verses unenforceable. Has made me look at all the unenforceable rules I have place on my life and the anger that has built up in me because of these rules.It is going to be permanent book on my bookself. Lots of life lesson I can teach my family.
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Format: Hardcover
Forgive For Good does not say that we need to reconcile or make up with the people that have hurt us. Reconciliation and forgiveness are two different things. In accessible language, Dr. Luskin offers us a clear understanding of what it means to forgive. We learn that forgiveness is not about who caused the pain and why, but how we can move on with our choices and our lives. We can't control other people but we can control how we deal with the pain that has been caused in the past. This is what Forgive For Good is all about. This book offers us a proven approach to dealing with pain in our past and moving forward. We all know how easy it is to be stuck in the cycle of blame. With Forgive For Good, we aren't told to forget but rather to make choices about how we want to live in the present and future. Again, this is not about being a pushover or forgetting. Forgive For Good is about how we choose to deal with the anger and pain that someone or something has caused. We can let it ruin our lives or we can read Forgive For Good and make the right decisions for the here and now.
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Format: Hardcover
This book is a blessing! The title alone awakened a longing inside of myself to be free of grudges and unhealthy anger that I've been carrying around.
I barely even got to the program steps, and I could feel myself breathing again! Not only do I let go of the big hurts I've been carrying around, but I've discovered little hurts that have been waiting their turn to disrupt my life, and poof... They're gone.
If you're someone with legitimate pain and grievances, and you're looking to move on with your life, or just someone looking to calm down and lower your risk of heart attacks, PLEASE buy this book. Everyone should read this book.
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