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Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage Paperback – April 26, 2011
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A creative catalyst for remedying an ailing sex life. When Evans was facing a particularly arduous period in her marriage, she knew she needed to do something to reignite her love life. She decided to offer her husband sex on a daily basis for 40 straight days, marking each one off with the drop of a Venetian bead into a mason jar. Thus was born the Forty Beads Method, an approach that “assumes a disparity that often exists between the male and female libidos and offers a way to close the gap.” Evans’ observations about sex and marriage and advice for other couples who want to try this at home are laced with attention-grabbing anecdotes and humor. When she explained her plan to her husband, she writes, he "looked at me as if I were Venus, the Goddess of Love, sailing into the bedroom on a clamshell." But she makes unsubstantiated and sweeping generalizations about men throughout the text, most notably in "Sex: The Deal," in which she writes, “Men love sex and for most of them, it’s their favorite thing in the whole world.” She employs limited scientific evidence to justify her oversimplified views. And while the author invites homosexuals to try this method, she fails to suggest any possible modifications to the heterosexual approach to her program. Also includes guidelines for creating a supportive community of Beaders. For women who need help dealing with the sexual power struggles of their relationship.
Kim Barnouin, Co-Author of The New York Times #1 Bestseller Skinny Bitch
"Forty Beads made me laugh out loud and take notes. Going on 10 years of marriage, I could totally relate to this book. I read it at just the right time, and my husband will be indebted to Carolyn Evans for her wisdom for many years. A must read for all women."
Fiftyisthenewforty.net, May 2011
“With a keen sense of humor entirely devoid of snarky or resentful undertones, Evans makes it crystal clear that the key difference between men and women is that “men have to have sex to feel close, and conversely, a woman has to feel close to her husband to want to have sex with him.” Bingo.”
About the Author
Carolyn Evans, MSW developed The Forty Beads Method quite by accident, but when it changed her marriage in such an incredible way, she just had to share it with everyone. A singer/songwriter and former therapist, Carolyn writes for Skirt! Magazine and spends time meeting with her fellow “Beaders” as she supports the growing Forty Beads nation.
Top Customer Reviews
So I read this book. And I got some beads. And then... I did nothing for six months. The beads sat on a shelf collecting dust. I was terrified to give them to my husband, because I just knew he was going to engage in what Evans calls "obsessive bead dropping", which wouldn't really help the situation. For some reason those damned beads taunted me, though, so for our anniversary I decided to give him the beads. I'll be honest--it wasn't the most gracious of gifts. I basically told him that if he abused the beads I'd just take them back and the deal would be off. (I think that's against the rules, but I needed my little escape clause.)
But a funny thing happened. He didn't get obsessive or abuse the beads AT ALL. He was always a great guy--the ONE thing that bugged me was the groping/begging... and it STOPPED. Almost immediately. Suddenly instead of avoiding all talk about sex, we were laughing about it together. He'd drop a bead in my bowl and swagger around the place like some kind of king or cowboy--which of course made me laugh, which makes me love him even more.
If you're hesitant to try this method, what do you have to lose? If sex is an issue in your marriage, you're probably sick of talking and arguing about it. The beads take that pressure off, and make sex fun again. Take it from someone who was genuinely afraid to get started, and now actually looks forward to hearing the "plink!" of a bead in my bead catcher.
The book agrees with the Bible that husbands and wives should not withhold sex from each other. I think the Forty Beads method is a helpful way to see that that doesn't happen. It is helpful especially for the wives to get them to the place where they are ready to respond sexually (they have a 24 hour window from the time the husband puts the bead in the cup). So the overall message is very good.
However, the one issue I had with the book, (and it is an important one) is the vulgar language that Carol Evans uses. It was totally unnecessary. It didn't add anything to the book, it detracted from it. I could never recommend this book to the wives in our church because of it. I think Carol Evans made a mistake by using the vulgar language because whether you agree with the use of such language or not, people will not buy the book because it is in there, but they may not buy the book because it is in there. I would recommend that if Carol Evans ever updates the book that she leave the language out. She just may sell more books and the book will have a bit more class.
I wanted to show more appreciation to my husband for already being Mr.Wonderful.
The book changed my perspective about excuses regarding sex. You know: It's too early. It's too late. I'm tired. I'm hurting. The kids are still awake. We don't have enough time. I'd rather watch tv or do laundry or mow the lawn.
The idea I got most from reading this book is to simply be aware of when your husband needs your attention and to not make an excuse as to why he can't have you. You don't need a book or a bead to know that your husband wants you.
Make a promise to yourself, for your relationship, to give yourself to your husband when he needs you.
Benefits can come without beads. Beads just remind you of the promise you made.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I've been married for 20 years. My husband and I are always,looking for new things. We're not deficient in the bedroom, but it's always good to try new things. So I got this book. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Barbara
This book, though intended for the wife to read herself, I read with my husband. This book helped us improve or marriage tenfold. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Emily
Our customers are telling us this works and we are offering any 40 beads for just £10.00!Published 6 months ago by Trish
It was a good quick read and wonderfully simple idea to help you reconnect to your spouse! I didn't realize just how important sex is.Published 6 months ago by Megan M.
I skimmed through this book before gifting it to a family member. This is a really interesting idea for relationships where one partner is not as sexually driven as the other. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Drea Smart
First off, I wish I was warned about the foul language this author uses. She is an educated woman I thought. This does nothing for her credibility. Read morePublished 12 months ago by Webb44
We are really enjoying this concept as a couple. I made my own bead kit rather than buying the one that pairs with it. I just couldnt afford it but would have if I had the money. Read morePublished 15 months ago by Angel Beth Lavore
I chose the rating because with the pros and cons of both genders being brought up I saw a lot of myself and my wife there. So I figure pass the book to her and see what happens. Read morePublished 18 months ago by John Watson