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The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too) Hardcover – Print, September 12, 2017

by Gretchen Rubin (Author)

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Purchase options and add-ons

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Are you an Upholder, a Questioner, an Obliger, or a Rebel? From the author of Better Than Before and The Happiness Project comes a groundbreaking analysis of personality type that “will immediately improve every area of your life” (Melissa Urban, co-founder of the Whole30).

During her multibook investigation into human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the seemingly dry question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge. She discovered that based on their answer, people fit into Four Tendencies:

• Upholders meet outer and inner expectations readily. “Discipline is my freedom.”
• Questioners meet inner expectations, but meet outer expectations only if they make sense. “If you convince me why, I’ll comply.”
• Obligers (the largest Tendency) meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations—therefore, they need outer accountability to meet inner expectations. “You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
• Rebels (the smallest group) resist all expectations, outer and inner alike. They do what they choose to do, when they choose to do it, and typically they don’t tell themselves what to do. “You can’t make me, and neither can I.”

Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework allows us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively. It’s far easier to succeed when you know what works for you.

With sharp insight, compelling research, and hilarious examples, The Four Tendencies will help you get happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.

From the Publisher

Want to keep a habit, meet deadlines, lower stress, and engage more effectively?

With this personality framework, one simple question can help you change your life.

WARNING: California’s Proposition 65

Editorial Reviews

Review

“The Four Tendencies will immediately improve every area of your life—and I say this from personal experience. If you’ve been feeling stuck in your relationships, career, health, or self-confidence, understanding your Tendency and how to make it work for you is the game-changer you’ve been looking for.”
—Melissa Hartwig (Upholder), author and cocreator of The Whole30

"The path to happiness starts with your personality. In The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin upends the conventional wisdom of one prescription fitting all people and offers readers a tailored path to better health, relationships and well-being. A remarkable read from one of the most practical storytellers on the planet."
—Tom Rath (Questioner), author of Are You Fully Charged? and StrengthsFinder 2.0

“This Rebel can’t help but agree with the crowd: you need to read The Four Tendencies! The online quiz is mega-popular for good reason, but the book will give you unexpected, lasting insights. You'll learn to make better decisions based on what works best for your specific personality profile—not what anyone else expects or demands.”
—Chris Guillebeau (Rebel), author of Side Hustle and host of the podcast Side Hustle School

“The Four Tendencies is a remarkably well-crafted and insightful book. Gretchen Rubin taught me why, as a Rebel, my expectations often clash with others’ expectations and helped me develop a more compassionate view. Better still, The Four Tendencies offers powerful steps that we can all take to have more constructive relationships with the people in our lives.”
—Robert Sutton (Rebel), Stanford Professor and author of The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

“The greatest predictor of growth and happiness is actionable self-knowledge. Gretchen Rubin gives you the tools to not only understand yourself and others, but what to do with that knowledge. Insightful, practical and crucial, The Four Tendencies will help you overcome the biggest impediments to your happiness and success.”
—Shawn Achor (Upholder), author of The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness

“Gretchen Rubin has discovered a new framework for understanding ourselves and other people. When we know our Tendency, we can manage ourselves more effectively and reach our goals faster—and we can help others to do that, as well. As a researcher who has studied habits, addiction, and change for 20 years, I’m excited by the simplicity and power of The Four Tendencies as a tool for anyone seeking to make his or her life better. I am implementing this in my clinical programs to help people understand their Tendencies so they can change behaviors such as stress and emotional eating.”
—Judson Brewer, MD, PhD (Questioner), author of The Craving Mind and associate professor in medicine and psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School

“Gretchen Rubin’s groundbreaking Four Tendencies framework is a simple yet powerful tool that helps us better recognize our own nature, harness its strengths, and counteract its weaknesses. With her trademark wit and insight, Gretchen gives us the tools to create the life we want, in a way that’s right for us. The surprising thing? Once you know about these four types, you see them everywhere.”
—Susan David, PhD, (Upholder), cofounder of the Institute of Coaching andauthor of Emotional Agility

“If you want to change anything in your life, you need Gretchen Rubin. Her ideas are original, instinctive and revolutionary. Whether you want to get fitter, work smarter or be tidier, she shows you how to tweak your habits (almost) effortlessly. This Rebel sleeps better, deletes more email, is three stone lighter and forever in her debt.”
—Viv Groskop (Rebel), journalist and comedian

"I love Gretchen Rubin and she helps me understand both myself and the people around me."
—Cathy Rentzenbrink (Obliger), author of The Last Act of Love

About the Author

Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. She has an enormous readership, both in print and online, and her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. On her top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, she explores happiness and good habits. She is also a CBS News contributor, providing weekly solutions for living a happier life. Gretchen Rubin started her career in law and was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when she realized that she wanted to be a writer. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

1

The Four Tendencies

The Origin of the Four Tendencies • How the Tendencies Weave Throughout Our Characters • Why It’s Helpful to Identify Our Own Tendency • Why It’s Helpful to Identify Others’ Tendencies

I didn’t realize it at the time, but when I walked through the door of the Atlantic Grill restaurant one blustery winter afternoon, I was heading to one of the most significant conversations of my life.

As I bit into my cheeseburger and my friend picked at her salad, she made a comment that would occupy my mind for years. In an offhand way, she mentioned, “I want to get myself in the habit of running, but I can’t, and it really bothers me.” Then she added, in a crucial observation, “When I was on the high school track team, I never missed track practice, so why can’t I go running now?”

“Why?” I echoed.

“Well, you know, it’s so hard to make time for ourselves.”

“Hmmm,” I said.

We started talking about other things, but even after we’d said good-bye, I couldn’t stop thinking about our exchange. She was the same person she’d been in high school, and she was aiming to do the same activity. She’d been able to go running in the past, but not now. Why? Was it her age, her motivation, her family situation, the location, team spirit, or something else?

She assumed that we all have trouble “making time for ourselves.” But actually I don’t have any trouble making time for myself. How were she and I different from each other?

I would spend the next few years trying to answer these questions.

The Origin of the Four Tendencies

They say there are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don’t.

I’m definitely the first kind. My great interest is human nature, and I constantly search for patterns to identify what we do and why we do it.

I’ve spent years studying happiness and habits, and it has become obvious to me that there’s no magic, one-size-fits-all answer for building a happier, healthier, more productive life. Different strategies work for different people—in fact, what works for one person may be the very opposite of what works for someone else. Some people are morning people; some are night people. Some do better when they abstain from a strong temptation; others, when they indulge in moderation. Some people love simplicity; some thrive in abundance.

And not only that. As I pondered my friend’s observation about her running habit, I sensed that deep below the “night people vs. morning people” sorts of differences, there existed some kind of bedrock distinction that shaped people’s natures—something profound, but also bold and obvious—that nevertheless eluded my vision.

To help figure out what I was missing, I posed a number of questions to readers of my website, including: “How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions?” “Do you observe traffic regulations—why or why not?” “Would you ever sign up to take a class for fun?” As readers’ responses poured in, I saw that distinct patterns were threaded through the various answers. It was almost weird—as though groups of people had agreed to answer from the same script.

For instance, about New Year’s resolutions, a subset of people gave virtually identical answers: “I’ll keep a resolution if it’s useful, but I won’t start on New Year’s Day, because January 1 is an arbitrary date.” They all used that word: “arbitrary.” I was intrigued by this specific word choice, because the arbitrariness of the January 1 date had never bothered me. Yet these people were all giving the same answer—what did they have in common?

And many people answered, “I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore because I never manage to keep them—I never make time for myself.”

Another group said, “I never make resolutions because I don’t like to bind myself.”

There was some meaningful design here, I knew it, but I just couldn’t quite see it.

Then finally, after months of reflection, I had my eureka moment. As I sat at my desk in my home office, I happened to glance at my messy handwritten to-do list—and suddenly it hit me. The simple, decisive question was: “How do you respond to expectations?” I’d found it!

I’d discovered the key. I felt the same excitement that Archimedes must have felt when he stepped out of his bath. I was sitting still, but my mind was racing forward with thoughts about expectations. I grasped at that moment that we all face two kinds of expectations:

•outer expectations—expectations others place on us, like meeting a work deadline

•inner expectations—expectations we place on ourselves, like keeping a New Year’s resolution

And here was my crucial insight: Depending on a person’s response to outer and inner expectations, that person falls into one of four distinct types:

Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations

Questioners question all expectations; they meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so in effect they respond only to inner expectations

Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations

Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike

It was that simple. With just one single, straightforward question, all of humanity sorted itself into these categories.

Now I understood why my friend had trouble forming the habit of running: She was an Obliger. When she’d had a team and a coach expecting her, she had no trouble showing up; when she faced her own inner expectations, she struggled. I understood those repetitious comments about New Year’s resolutions. And I understood much, much more.

The Four Tendencies framework clarified the striking patterns of behavior I’d perceived, and I was able to make sense of what everyone else had seen—but no one else had noticed.

When I mapped the complete system on a sheet of paper, in four symmetrical overlapping circles, my framework showed the elegance of a fern frond or a nautilus shell. I truly felt that I’d uncovered a law of nature: human nature.

Or maybe I’d created something more like a Muggle Sorting Hat.

Once I’d identified the framework, I worked to deepen my understanding. “The Strategy of the Four Tendencies” became the first chapter in Better Than Before, my book about habit change; I wrote about the Four Tendencies on my website, gretchenrubin.com; my cohost and sister, Elizabeth Craft, and I talked about the Four Tendencies on our weekly podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. Every time I discussed the framework, readers and listeners responded.

Most people can identify their Tendency from a brief description, but for people who aren’t sure or who want their answers to be analyzed, I designed a quiz. Hundreds of thousands of people have taken the Four Tendencies Quiz, which appears in chapter 2 or at happiercast.com/quiz. People’s answers to the quiz, as well as their open-ended responses, gave me an additional trove of insights. (For one thing, I’ve noticed that people’s Tendencies influence their willingness to take the quiz. Questioners sometimes ask, “Why should I spend my time and effort taking this quiz?” and Rebels sometimes think, “You’re telling me to take this quiz? Well, I won’t do it.”)

To test my observations about the Four Tendencies, I decided to run a study of the framework among a nationally representative sample, to examine a geographically dispersed group of U.S. adults with a mix of gender, age, and household income.

The most important thing I discovered? The distribution of the Four Tendencies. At 41%, Obliger was the largest Tendency. Next came Questioner, at 24%. The Rebel Tendency had the fewest members, at 17%—I’m surprised that the survey put the number that high—and my own Tendency, the Upholder Tendency, was just slightly larger at 19%. The study also confirmed many of my observations about the Four Tendencies; for instance, when considering New Year’s resolutions, Upholders are most likely to make them; Rebels dislike them; Questioners make resolutions when the time seems right rather than waiting for an arbitrary date; and often Obligers give up making resolutions altogether because they’ve struggled in the past.

As I refined the framework, I even assigned a color to each Tendency, by using the model of a traffic light. Yellow represents Questioners, because just as a yellow light cautions us to “wait” to decide whether to proceed, Questioners always ask “Wait, why?” before meeting an expectation. Green represents Obligers, who readily “go ahead.” Red represents Rebels, who are most likely to “stop” or say no. Because there’s no fourth traffic-light color, I chose blue for Upholders—which seems fitting.

The more that I’ve studied the Tendencies, the more I see their tremendous influence.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony (September 12, 2017)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1524760919
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1524760915
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.7 x 0.95 x 8.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #23,533 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #94 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
- #461 in Happiness Self-Help
- #629 in Success Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
3,069 ratings

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Gretchen Rubin

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Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature.

Her previous books include the #1 New York Times bestseller THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, as well as the bestselling books BETTER THAN BEFORE, HAPPIER AT HOME, THE FOUR TENDENCIES, and OUTER ORDER, INNER CALM. Her latest book is LIFE IN FIVE SENSES.

She’s the host of the popular, award-winning podcast "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," where she and her co-host (and sister) Elizabeth Craft explore strategies and insights about how to make life happier. As the founder of The Happiness Project, she has helped create imaginative products for people to use in their own happiness projects.

She has been interviewed by Oprah, eaten dinner with Nobel Prize-winner Daniel Kahneman, walked arm-in-arm with the Dalai Lama, had her work reported on in a medical journal, been written up in the New Yorker, and been an answer on Jeopardy!

Gretchen Rubin started her career in law, and she realized she wanted to be a writer while she was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her family.

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Customers find the book insightful and entertaining, with clear, common-sense explanations that make it easy to understand. Moreover, the book is fun to read and discuss with friends, and customers appreciate the numerous examples provided throughout. Additionally, they value how it helps them understand themselves and others better, with one customer noting how it provides guidance on interacting with different personality types.

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185 customers mention "Information quality"181 positive4 negative

Customers find the book insightful, helping them understand themselves and how to interact with others.

"...Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (And Other People’s Lives Better, Too)...." Read more

"...has the potential to really open your mind and get your thinking pretty deep about human behavior, motivations, and relationships with people that..." Read more

"...This book is a very practical self-help resource, and covers different ground in a different way than most other self-help books...." Read more

"...I now understand why when I say yes he says no. Thank you for this insightful book." Read more

122 customers mention "Readability"119 positive3 negative

Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as a fantastic, entertaining, and enlightening read that masterfully delivers interesting content.

"...This book is like Gretchen Rubin’s other books. It’s engaging, and well-written. It’s based on some unique research...." Read more

"...In a nutshell ...it's definitely worth a read...." Read more

"...Tendencies is clear and well organized, and the framework is simple, elegant, and original...." Read more

"...It seems like a simple perhaps cute self-help book, but I believe it contains concepts that could greatly help not only families, societies, but..." Read more

71 customers mention "Ease of understanding"62 positive9 negative

Customers find the book easy to understand, appreciating its common sense explanations and well-reasoned approach. One customer notes that the concepts are easily translatable to all aspects of life.

"...Obviously, you’ll also like this book if you enjoy simplified explanations of complex issues. Ditto if you like 2x2 matrices...." Read more

"...The Four Tendencies is clear and well organized, and the framework is simple, elegant, and original...." Read more

"...It may be the most methodically structured book I’ve ever read, although I just finished a book where the author speaks through different people, so..." Read more

"...The suggestions about how to best relate and thrive for the differing dynamics are practical and exciting...." Read more

19 customers mention "Fun to read"15 positive4 negative

Customers find the book fun to read, particularly enjoying discussing it with friends, and one customer mentions it's good for book club discussions.

"...This book is incredibly fun, insightful, and easy to read. The strategies on how to work and deal with other tendencies are so helpful...." Read more

"...it's easy to read and fun to share.Additional life hack: find friends who exhibit different tendencies than you have to balance out the scales...." Read more

"..."know yourself better" self-help genre, there is a lot about human communication...." Read more

"...The Happiness Project and Better Than Before, I found this book rather redundant, with information you can find—better explained, in my opinion—in..." Read more

9 customers mention "Encyclopedia content"9 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the encyclopedia content of the book, with many loving the examples provided. One customer notes it is chock-full of highlight-able passages, while another mentions its visual case studies.

"...That’s how it is with Gretchen Rubin’s books. Each one is distinctive and has a unique message, but when you read more than one, you understand that..." Read more

"...is very well written with succinct explanations in common sense, general terms...." Read more

"...She dives deep into the four tendencies with plenty of examples to keep the content feeling fresh and interesting...." Read more

"...-able passages, written with colloquial warmth, and even displays visual case studies illustrating how few words are required to communicate across..." Read more

7 customers mention "Empathy"7 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's empathetic approach, noting it helps them be more understanding and tolerant of others. One customer specifically mentions the helpful section on relationships between people of different tendencies.

"...unexpected, but interesting, was the section regarding relationships between people of different tendencies...." Read more

"...is how it is helping me develop greater empathy, and a deeper, more genuine respect, towards others...." Read more

"...book teaches many insightful things about our nature and the nature of others around us...." Read more

"...reading this book can help you with understanding yourself and dealing with others for a more positive experience all the way around." Read more

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Wally Bock
A helpful book about how we get important things done (or not)
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2018
Verified Purchase

Dave, Debbie, and Di are siblings. They each have their own unique appearance, but when you see them standing near each other, you know, instantly, that they belong together. That’s how it is with Gretchen Rubin’s books. Each one is distinctive and has a unique message, but when you read more than one, you understand that they all go together. The latest book in that collection is The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (And Other People’s Lives Better, Too).

If you noted “personality types” in the title and figured this is yet another book about personality types that are based on Jungian psychology, you’re in luck. It’s not. In fact, I’m not sure that “personality types” is even the right description for what Gretchen Rubin calls “tendencies.” They don’t come from psychology at all. They grew out of an insightful answer to a puzzling question. Here’s how Rubin describes it in the book.

“And here was my crucial insight: Depending on a person’s response to outer and inner expectations, that person falls into one of four distinct types: Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations Questioners question all expectations; they meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so in effect they respond only to inner expectations Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.”

The first part of the book describes how that insight came about and offers an overview of what she calls the four tendencies. Then, the bulk of the book is devoted to the four sections, one for each of the four tendencies. Each section has a chapter on understanding the tendency and one on dealing with it. Here’s a list of the tendencies, with Rubin’s catch-phrase for each one.

Upholder: “Discipline is my freedom”
Questioner: “I’ll comply – if you convince me why”
Obliger: “You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me”
Rebel: “You can’t make me, and neither can I”

This book is like Gretchen Rubin’s other books. It’s engaging, and well-written. It’s based on some unique research. There’s a test where you can determine your own tendency. One option is to answer the questions as they appear in the book. The other option is to follow the link to the book website and take the test there. I recommend the latter. It will give you a good idea of where you fit as a primary tendency. Then, as you read the book, you’ll learn a bit about what other tendencies you lean toward.

You Probably Won’t Like This Book If…

You probably won’t like this book if you don’t like simplified presentations of complex subjects. Some people find these sorts of things, especially these 2x2 matrices, helpful. I’m one of them. But I know from talking to my friends and working with my clients that you and I may not see this issue the same way.

You probably won’t like this book if you’re searching for hard science of some kind. Yes, there is a large and well thought out survey that underlies the tendencies, but if you’re looking for several academic papers and lots of laboratory research to support what’s here, you’ll be disappointed.

You Probably Will Like This Book If…

You’ll probably like this book if you’ve liked Gretchen Rubin’s other books. There’s the same common sense melded with experiment and the same engaging writing style.

Obviously, you’ll also like this book if you enjoy simplified explanations of complex issues. Ditto if you like 2x2 matrices.

You will probably like this book if you try to put some of it to work. Reading some books is like studying history. You can read the book and get the points and increase your knowledge. But other books, and this is one of them, repay some personal real-world trials. In other words, it’s more like learning to swim than it is like learning history. Try out the ideas you get from the book to see if they work for you.

If You’re a Coach or Other Helping Professional…

If you’re a coach or other helping professional, you should try some things to see if they work for you and with your clients. I work with writers, and I coach people through the book-writing process. The book gave me several ways to help people achieve what they want to achieve. I now know that there are some people that don’t want me as an accountability partner and others who will really appreciate my ability to get projects on track. I’ve always known that there were those differences, but The Four Tendencies gives me a language for talking about them and a template for using them more effectively.

In A Nutshell

If you are a coach, or a consultant, or a medical professional, or anyone who helps people achieve things they want to achieve, The Four Tendencies should be on your shelf, but don’t just leave it there. Read it. Experiment with what you find. Put it to work.

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Brad
Very interesting and helpful read!
Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2017
Verified Purchase
I really enjoyed this book! I'm a fan of personality types. So this was very interesting to me.

I tested as a Rebel and I must say that the chapter on my tendency was quite accurate. There were many aspects of the tendency that nailed me. There were also some aspects that were a bit off the mark though.

There were aspects of other tendencies that I could relate very strongly to as well. For example, I can sometimes be a fierce researcher complete with spreadsheets and analytical data and I will take forever to make a decision. ...very typical behavior of the "Questioner" type. Also, I have an extreme difficulty with saying "no". ...very typical behavior of the "Obliger" type. Those are just 2 examples but suffice to say, I kind of was a bit all over the map to a degree. The only type I really didn't relate to at all was "Upholder". As for the other 3 types, it's all VERY situational for me.

I will admit that the Rebel tendency does fit me best though and quite a lot of the information was VERY helpful and eye opening for me. I do feel as though I am a Rebel first and foremost. I do still feel as though there is SOME crossover between the types though and the author does seem to acknowledge that. So I don't believe that I can say that I disagree with the author's point of view. It's funny too because I always saw myself as easy going but this book actually helped me see that I can actually be quite combative and resistant in my own very unique way. I also got a lot of great ideas on how to better deal with the things in my life that regularly trip me up. For example, I struggle with finding ways to get through mundane tasks at work and there are some really creative methods suggested for this and other typical Rebel difficulties. I got a lot of great suggestions to help me actually WANT to do the things I sometimes struggle to find the motivation to push through. So, in that regard it was very helpful and I'm excited to try some of these ideas out.

One interesting thing I want to share is how this book helped me pinpoint my older brother's type. He is clearly an Upholder. Him and I sometimes struggle to see eye to eye and this book really helped me see why. His Upholder tendencies and my Rebel tendencies cause us to drive each other crazy whenever we have to join together to accomplish a goal. We get along great when we're just having fun and this book really opened my eyes as to why these difficulties exist for the specific situations and why they do not apply for others. There is also an Upholder at work that just drives me absolutely nuts and I suspect that I do the same to him. This book helped open my eyes to that situation as well. So, I really feel as though the ideas behind these tendencies certainly have a lot of validity, value, and use in the real world.

Speaking of Upholders and Rebels, I have to applaud the author for taking the time and effort to understand the Rebels. That is likely a difficult feat, yet she was able to be open minded enough to see the value and motivations behind the Rebels in a positive light. I find it especially admirable knowing that the author herself is an Upholder and she was able to see the positive in the Rebels. I imagine us Rebels can be a pain in the butt from time to time. I know we can be difficult.... BUT, and I can't speak for all Rebels, I truly do mean well. I want to be responsible. I want to be reliable. I want to be agreeable. ...The key word is "want". I think that is the key for any Rebel. As the author says ...we do what we want. That may sound superficial or selfish out of context, but some of us Rebels want things that are bigger than ourselves. Some of us simply want those that we love to be happy, or we want to do some good in this world. I think the author did a pretty good job of conveying that deeper and rather hidden motivation that many of us Rebels feel passionately about. This sort of "want" may be why some of us Rebels can relate to the tendencies of other types such as the Obligers. Our "wants" may coincide with what other tendency's natural inclinations. ...at least that's my take on it all.

I think I went on a tangent there, but I think the point is that this book has the potential to really open your mind and get your thinking pretty deep about human behavior, motivations, and relationships with people that are important to you. In a nutshell ...it's definitely worth a read. It was money well spent and I highly recommend you picking up a copy, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

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Laura Couchman
I'm a fan of Gretchen Rubin, and I love her new self-help framework! It's highly original and very practical
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2017
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I am a fan of all of Gretchen Rubin's books, and her podcast "Happier." This newest book does not disappoint. The Four Tendencies is clear and well organized, and the framework is simple, elegant, and original. It's to Gretchen's credit that she has new ideas to offer in the crowded arena of personality and "type" frameworks. I'm an Upholder, so reading this book helped me to understand myself a little better, and to better understand others in my life who respond differently (i.e., less easily) to expectations than I do. This book is a very practical self-help resource, and covers different ground in a different way than most other self-help books. My only criticism was that I would have liked the book to have been a bit longer and spent more pages on suggestions for how people with each tendency can accomplish their goals; the bulk of the book was devoted to describing each of the tendencies.

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Frederick S. Southwick
Now I understand my impatience with others
Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2025
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As an upholder I assumed everyone embraced the rules and followed their North Star. I now understand that the minority of people are naturally like me. I have a son who is a rebel and from now on I will discuss the facts, consequences and choices. I now understand why when I say yes he says no. Thank you for this insightful book.

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iris
Helps understand yourself and the others
Reviewed in Italy on March 16, 2021
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I have always had some issues in understanding why some people are the way they are (myself included) and this book really gives some perspective on the topic. And also some useful tips on how to deal with different tendencies.
For myself (as a rebel) this book has been mind-blowing. I absolutely recommend it.

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Ju
Brilliant Book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 30, 2024
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It's the sort of book that when I read it, I found myself thinking, "That's me!"

It's fascinating. It's also quite an easy read.

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Felipe C Oliveira
Terrific Book
Reviewed in Brazil on August 21, 2023
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What a book, after read it we start to see people in different way. I think that is a nice book to "intermediate" english students.

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Jane W
Know Yourself Better!
Reviewed in Australia on January 26, 2024
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I constantly refer to this book when I meet/interact with someone and I'm guessing at their Tendency. It helps with client management and family interactions in a big way. You'll get more from this book than you can find for free from Gretchen, so buy the book and you'll use it for years.

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N. Mitchell
A wonderful, enlightening read.
Reviewed in Spain on August 5, 2019
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I loved this book and learned a lot about myself and others. It gives you insights into how we meet expectations, how to use the strenghts of our tendencies to our advantage and how to overcome the difficulties.

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The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too) Hardcover – Print, September 12, 2017

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A great read for being more successful in managing yourself and others

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5.0 out of 5 stars A helpful book about how we get important things done (or not)

5.0 out of 5 stars Very interesting and helpful read!

4.0 out of 5 stars I'm a fan of Gretchen Rubin, and I love her new self-help framework! It's highly original and very practical

5.0 out of 5 stars Now I understand my impatience with others

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars Helps understand yourself and the others

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant Book

5.0 out of 5 stars Terrific Book

5.0 out of 5 stars Know Yourself Better!

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful, enlightening read.

A helpful book about how we get important things done (or not)

Very interesting and helpful read!

I'm a fan of Gretchen Rubin, and I love her new self-help framework! It's highly original and very practical

Now I understand my impatience with others

Helps understand yourself and the others

Brilliant Book

Terrific Book

Know Yourself Better!

A wonderful, enlightening read.