Actually, the tagline for the movie is `Welcome to the bottom of the food chain', but I think mine is more suitable. Directed by Mark Dippé, once computer special effects artist on such films like The Abyss (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Ghost (1990), and Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), his ambitions have since led him into the realm of directing (does everyone in Hollywood aspire to direct?) with the film Spawn (1997) and now Frankenfish (2004). The movie stars Tory Kittles (Malibu's Most Wanted, Paparazzi), once MTV host, now movie actress K.D. Aubert (Friday After Next, Soul Plane), and someone named China Chow (The Bit Hit).
Okay, so here's the deal...the film takes place in the Louisiana swamps (or so we're told, but it looked more like it took place mainly on a river than a swamp) and involves a mysterious creature who seems to have developed a taste for Cajun food as a local poacher gets ate up real good, leaving behind a rather funky torso and many unanswered questions. Medical examiner Sam Rivers (Kittles) is sent to investigate, taking with him Mary Callahan (Chow), a gooberment employee for the wildlife and fisheries agency, as the nature of the attack indicates it was caused by an animal of some sort. The pair make their way down the river and reach a secluded area, populated by a handful of somewhat embarrassing stereotypes, living on seedy and ramshackle, permanently anchored, houseboats. The residents think there's evil swamp monster in the waters, but it turns out to be a huge, voracious, mutated fish imported from somewhere for some reason or other (I won't bother telling you how the fish got here, as the reasoning provided is so utterly stupid and moronic it actually boggled my mind). Anyway, as the nature of the creature is revealed, the small group finds themselves trapped, their numbers quickly diminish, and the only option they have is to fight for their very lives.
There just wasn't a lot for me to like in this film. I will say the two main female characters, played by Aubert and Chow, were really attractive so at least there was that (neither one gets nekkid). The cast seems comprised entirely of actors best suited to be supporting players. There were no standout performances and little chemistry, and subsequently, no real interest on my part whether the characters lived or died (which most of them do...the film is bloated with useless, obviously expendable, characters whose sole purpose is to suffer gruesome deaths caused by unexceptional CGI work...that's short for Character Generated Images, by the way). The only actor I recognized was Richard Edson, who played one of the garage attendants (the white one) in the John Hughes film Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), appearing here as a rather dopey looking Rastafarian with awful-looking dreadlocks, a penchant for nudism, fruit, and the wacky tobaccy. Also, as always in movies like this, there's a character within the small group we're supposed to dislike from the get go so that when he gets killed, we can all say, "Well, he deserved it." Problem was, while he was presented as kind of a jerk, he was nowhere near as jerky as the other characters perceived him to be, at least initially. This only served to make the characters appear like condescending, judgmental halfwits deserving the same fate set aside for the original jerk. I've seen a lot of mutated animal films involving snakes, alligators, crocodiles, sharks, etc., but a giant, killer tuna? How in the world are you supposed to be afraid of this? Or even take it seriously? Look out, here come Charley Tuna, and he wants to nibble on your bum bum...the directing wasn't all that bad (not that great either), and the special effects, which consisted of both puppetry and CGI work (mainly the latter) look exactly like what it was, reasonably inexpensive special effects created for a reasonably low-budget film. The two elements that really hurt this movie were the story and the script. As far as the story, had they just went with the standard gooberment and/or evil corporation created monstrosity scenario, I probably would have dinged them a little for trotting out a hackneyed plot, but instead they tried to get cute and develop a completely idiotic premise I found about as hard to swallow as a bucket of greasy, gooey chum. As far as the script goes, it was horrendously inept and lacked any real sense of realism. It was just so very awkward, riddled with foolish statements, clumsy proclamations, and unnecessary profanity. I know some will say I'm expecting too much from a film like this, but I don't think it's wrong to expect filmmakers to treat their audiences like they have some degree of intelligence. I can suspend my disbelief to a great extent, but I felt too much was expected of me here, as the story and script were unwilling to meet me halfway. Another thing...the movie was just plain boring...when you have little or no interest in the characters because they're either lifeless 2 dimensional constructs or just generally unlikable (or both), how are you supposed to be interested in what's going on? One might say. "Well, at least you can watch the attack scenes"...well, yes, that's true, but what there was was very short and to far in-between, ultimately leaving us with the lame story and annoying characters again. I really didn't come into this expecting a lot, and I think I'm usually pretty generous when I feel at least a effort is put forth, but I didn't see that here, so it was disappointing that this film couldn't even rise to meager level of goodness I placed on it prior to its' start.
The high-definition, widescreen anamorphic print (1:78:1) does look excellent, and the audio is very good. Special features are pretty minimal, comprised of about six trailers (one for this one) of other Columbia Tristar releases.
Cookieman108
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Top reviews from other countries
Mr. Jonathon T. Beckett
Very enjoyable creature caper
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 4, 2008
Alex
Brilliant! I want a sequel!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 27, 2005M. Massey
Cheesy, fun creature feature.......but problems with sound?
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 7, 2007
