If you are a parent, about to become a parent, or even a parent of a teenager, this book is a must read. I have reading and researching a lot about play, and I have been working with children of all ages for more than 10 years, and now that I have my own kids I have become increasingly preoccupied with what exactly contributes to a child's independence, sense of self and sense of control over his own destiny. It finally makes sense now why my 6 year old cries, every day, on the way from his 5k public school, and tells me, in frustration "mom, but I didn't get to PLAY today". After reading this book I now understand why:... "my child goes to school to socialize with other children" is the biggest lie we parents have been told. In school, children are strictly supervised, and their actions are dictated at every second of every day. They are not free, nor will they be until we accept their innate desire to be in the company of peers and be able to take control over their actions, their games, their own destiny. I struggled, for a long time, to understand that giving children freedom to play is NOT THE SAME as raising undisciplined, misbehaving children. Actually, quite the opposite, and this book explains why. I can be a good parent, set limits to my children, enforce consequences for disobedience, BUT at the same time offer my children the freedom to play outside, get their hands dirty, invent games, let them carry out those game, let them negotiate changes in the rules of the games etc. That said, please don't imagine that this book is simply advice on "..oh, you know, letting kids play is good for them because I say so...."; no, the author did the most comprehensive research review analysis I have ever read. He explains, from anthropological, evolutionary, and psychological points of view, why giving children the reins over their games sets them up to be kinder adults, with a deeper understanding of what other are feeling, and with a deep sense of owning their destiny, all of which contribute to a reduction in depression as adults. If you want to understand why more adults are anxious, selfish, unable to relate to others, willing to step on others to reach the top without any considerations for peers, read this book. If you want a glimpse into why the current public education system is inefficient at TEACHING, read this book. If you are thinking, the way I was before reading this book, that public school is the best way for children to interact with other children, think critically and learn to be creative, read this book- you will find out that that's not the case....
I also now finally understand why, in a few short weeks since kindergarten started, my son has become increasingly selfish, refusing to clean up anything other than his own toys, whereas before, he would gladly help his little sister with her "part of the mess". Now, after consistently being told in the classroom to keep his hands to himself, worry "about yourself", "do YOUR work" (the reason I know this is because I worked in a classroom), he is self centered to a degree I have not seen in him before. This selfishness will eventually be the reason why we are pulling him out of system...Anyway, another story for another time.
Now I accept my past decision (for which family and friends have criticized plenty), of allowing my kids and their playmates to roam our yard, get the toys they want, mix water with dirt IF THEY CHOOSE TO, gather sticks to build a "fort" and all the other fun stuff they like to do (of course all this stopped with kindergarten) without intervening. I had plenty friends looking at me sideways ; You don't go outside with them to watch what they're doing??? OH the audacity!
This may have been the longest review I have ever written, so I will try to conclude by saying that if you want to find out how children learn, you have to read this book. Hint: it has nothing to do with sitting at table and tracing letters. Plenty of social and psychological studies across multiple countries and across time serve as a solid backbone for what the author is presenting. Also: I still have a hard time accepting and applying the Sudbury Valley school model that the author describes. I need to do some research before being OK with it. But tha's fine. It's always nice to learn other points of view. Are you still reading this? I hope that by now you have clicked the "BUY" button. No? do it now
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From the Publisher
About the author
Should be required reading
Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Peter Gray is a must read for every parent. We have become so disconnected from the natural child that we, as a society, need to peel back our own institutionalized upbringing and take a good evolutionary, evidence-based look at how children learn and thrive. This book helps us all to do just that. Peter Gray paints a thorough picture of how children learn (primarily through play), with well researched points and global/historical examples, within the context of his own family’s story and time at the Sudbury democratic school. The book reads not as inspiring and poetic but as meaningfully informative with the moral that freedom, opportunity, and trust are the answer. In other words, unschooling. You will put down this book armed with the information and perspective to make quality choices for your child’s education.Be sure to listen to the conversation I shared with Peter Gray in episode 27 of the Sage Family podcast!“… the result is a school-centric view of child development that distorts human nature.”
Top reviews from other countries
- YingReviewed in the United Kingdom on February 4, 2024
Helpful in every way for parents
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