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A General Theory of Love Paperback – January 9, 2001

by Thomas Lewis (Author), Fari Amini (Author), Richard Lannon (Author)

248 customer reviews

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Drawing comparisons to the most eloquent science writing of our day, three eminent psychiatrists tackle the difficult task of reconciling what artists and thinkers have known for thousands of years about the human heart with what has only recently been learned about the primitive functions of the human brain. The result is an original, lucid, at times moving account of the complexities of love and its essential role in human well-being.

A General Theory of Love draws on the latest scientific research to demonstrate that our nervous systems are not self-contained: from earliest childhood, our brains actually link with those of the people close to us, in a silent rhythm that alters the very structure of our brains, establishes life-long emotional patterns, and makes us, in large part, who we are. Explaining how relationships function, how parents shape their child’s developing self, how psychotherapy really works, and how our society dangerously flouts essential emotional laws, this is a work of rare passion and eloquence that will forever change the way you think about human intimacy.

A General Theory of Love

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Product Details

Paperback: 274 pages
Publisher: Vintage; Reprint edition (January 9, 2001)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0375709223
ISBN-13: 978-0375709227
Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (248 customer reviews)
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #20,418 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #50 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Neuropsychology
- #72 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Neuropsychology
- #89 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Emotions

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4.4 out of 5 stars

5 star		67%
4 star		19%
3 star		6%
2 star		4%
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Top Customer Reviews

The Sins of the Fathers

Bykhopon March 21, 2000

Format: Hardcover

Exposed as children to imperfect relationships, many of us slip into the same stale and ineffectual patterns as adults, inexplicably falling for those who will hurt us, driving away those who don't, or habitually avoiding the intimacy that we need. No matter how senseless our behavior seems, we stick to the formula, married to conscripts of love that--time and time again--leave us broken-hearted.
Enter this sizzling new book called "A General Theory of Love," which--with unsurpassed eloquence--explains why love confounds us and why it is finally within our grasp. The authors--Drs. Lewis, Amini, and Lannon--are practicing psychiatrists from the University of California. Melding cutting-edge neuroscience with real human experience, they make a sober but uplifting case for the elemental tie between love, health, and happiness. Their argument will grab you by the seat of your pants. It is grounded in fact but spelled out in lovely prose with compelling allusions to history and literature. Believe me, this unusual work is a far cry from the stagnant drivel of many scientific journals (and some evolutionary biologists). Nor is it anything like a typical self-help book. It is a lifeline, masterfully woven from the hefty secrets unveiled within its pages.
To a few, love may come easily. For the rest of us, "A General Theory of Love" is indispensable reading. Why wait?

55 comments 167 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

GET THIS BOOK NOW

ByBEN LAMORTEon March 22, 2000

Format: Hardcover

Warning: The General Theory of Love contains highly innovative ideas that are elegantly stated. It has been found in some cases that reading this book carefully may cause greater understanding of the world we live in. In order to understand a theory, it helps me if I can state the axioms as Euclid did in the classic Geometry text: "Elements".
In order to summarize the tremendous impact this book has had on my concept of human interaction, I have tried to reduce this theory to its core axioms or principles. Though one cannot do this in as pure a sense as pure mathematics, my approach is more concise than it is inaccurate. I should note that these axioms are based on conversations with the authors after a recent book signing.
There are 3 "axioms" for successful love: (1) Connect, (2) Be authentic, (3) The earlier the better. The more these 3 conditions are met, the more we experience love. Now that is a theory we can apply! As a member of the corporate world, I like the fact that the authors offer solutions not just scientific observations and results. "Connect" means listen, look at, etc. "Be authentic" means say what you are really feeling not what is convenient or politically correct. "The earlier the better" suggests that loving is most crucial early in life and early in relationships.
I don't want to get too analytical in the space of 1000 words, but let me illustrate a single application of these axioms. Separating the infant from the mother at birth is a common practice in the USA. However, this practice violates the "axioms of love" since the mother cannot connect emotionally by holding and smelling the newborn child if the child is taken away for "medical procedures". The "earlier the better" axiom is not satisfied either since mother/child are separated from the earliest moment in life. Conclusion: let the child stay with the mother so they can "connect early."
After reading this book, I am now confident that I can be an incredible lover and parent! I recommend this book to everyone. It resonates with me. I believe that as these ideas are applied, the world could end up a better place to live.

11 comment 81 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

ByA customeron February 8, 2000

Format: Hardcover

This book was an eye-opening experience for me. Since my early teens, I've established a pattern of being in relationships that start out on a high and then eventually deteriorate and fail. I've never understood why I involve myself-a successful, intelligent, generally happy person-with people who leave me dissatisfied, feeling worthless, and convinced that I should just give up and relegate myself to a lonely Siberian outpost. A General Theory of Love enlightened me. Not in some namby-pamby, self-help, touchy-feely kind of way-but by explaining the science of brain development and the associated outcomes in our personal lives using accessible, easy to understand language that borders on lyric prose. Thank you Dr. Lewis for introducing me to myself!

22 comments 125 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

They put the bop in the bopshebopshebop

ByD. Smithon May 10, 2000

Format: Hardcover

They wrote the book of love. The scope of the task undertaken by these authors is vast: explaining love. To unlock the secrets of the (metaphorical) human heart, they begin by educating us in biological fundamentals, explaining the three layers of the brain (reptilian=basic function, limbic=emotion, neocortical=facility to reason) and postulating on why our evolutionary path did not involve a cleaner convergence of our emotions and our rational mind. They go on to pour over several studies demonstrating our emotional dependence on others. All of the science is delivered masterfully, and this section of the book is one of the more literate non-fiction pieces I've read recently. Building on the underlying scientific knowledge collected, the authors then go on to explain their theories of limbic resonance (how we interact emotionally with others), limbic regulation, etc. While these theories may not seem absolutely convincing, they do make intuitive sense, though one is justified in remaining skeptical. Regardless, their theories are well presented and are certainly filling food for thought. Finally, we are left knowing much more about the biology behind our emotions, and should be more secure knowing that our emotions are a valid part of us, and not something that must be conquered by the rational mind. This is a different point of view then I've held, and it is a welcome outlook. Highly recommended

0Comment 117 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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It was cheap, and helped me out for my college class. Amazon you rock!

Published 12 days ago by Amazon Customer

I originally picked this book up a thrift store, for the title intrigued me. It strikes a lovely balance between Science and the mystical.

Published 16 days ago by Amazon Customer

I loved this book

I loved this book. It really helped me get what it means to be a social mammal apart from the other uniquenesses of being human.

Published 1 month ago by John D Pielemeier

dry reading and hard to understand

Published 1 month ago by BargainJunky

An eye opening read, a heart opening theory

This book answered may questions for me in regard to my own life and upbringing. I'm now better able to understand the "why" behind the way I behave, and my ever-grasping reach...Read more

Published 1 month ago by Bart

Excellent science book for the lay audience

As with any book written for the general public there are going to be points that are glossed over. References are listed if you want to explore more.Read more

Published 2 months ago by W. Porter Bourie

I loved this book

Absolutely enlightening, I loved this book!

Published 3 months ago by Young T

It isn't really about 'romantic' love, it's about how we form significant and lasting ...

Everyone should read this book.

It isn't really about 'romantic' love, it's about how we form significant and lasting relationships with other mammals (both humans and...Read more

Published 3 months ago by Kiti

Amazing and perceptive

A fine read. Thoughtful and penetrating. It gives me language for perceptions that I had but never knew how to identify.

Published 3 months ago by David Gillett

Great book ...fast service ...Thank you!

Published 4 months ago by G. M. Brassesco

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