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Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded?: Stop Fighting, Start Talking, and Get to Know Your Teen Paperback – August 30, 2011
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"As a teen, I was looking forward to the book because it promised to reveal to parents a realistic teen viewpoint. I'm nothing less than thoroughly impressed by how well I was able to relate to everything and by the amount of teen input. Vanessa knows how to speak for us while still creating compromises for parents."
"Explores a variety of timely subjects, including peer relationships, teen/parent communication, bullying, technology, and 'risky business.' Her outlook on technology and 'Internet savvy' is particularly incisive, emphasizing not only the hazards of 'time-suck' activities but also the many social and academic benefits of the digital universe. Like a crafty spy, Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective, and while noting that each adolescent is unique, she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche."—Publishers Weekly
"Offers parents of teenagers a new opportunity to communicate with their kids on a level that strips away the strife. Van Petten's time-tested, step-by-step methods can help both parents and their children navigate around the classic pitfalls and reach a level of mutual understanding."—Today.com
"Translates teen behavior into terms parents can understand and explains why your child may suddenly seem unrecognizable to you. She tackles bullying, drugs, technology, lying and grades and encourages parents to communicate, communicate, communicate with their teens, even if a large portion of that communicating comes in the form of arguments."—Chicago Tribune
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Top customer reviews
This book is a must read for all those who deal with tweens and teens.
Many years ago one of my professors in medical school said people should have tails so we could tell by their wagging if they were friendly. Read Vannesa's book, and you will be able to tell more about your teens emotions than any tail could! She talks about reading faces to determine mood, fear, frustration, embarassment, as well as lies!
When she talked about bullying I said to myself, she left out "lack of empathy", I'll have to write her, then on the next page she talked about empathy; and that's the way the book continued. Everytime I thought she left something out she covered it on the next page.
I do have a little point of difference though, after many years of pediatric experience I don't believe peer pressure is as bad as everyone says. By our acknowlegment of peer pressure we are giving kids (and sometimes ourselves)an excuse to do things they want to even though they know they shouldn't! We offer kids excuses starting with "He's tired; she's hungry; He can't sit still; she doesn't like to wait" then we offer "It's peer pressure!" We have thus programed our kids behavor and let them know what we expect from them. This is a small point and does not really take away from the usefullness of the book, but I thought it is time we adults start to think about peer pressure in a different light.
At the end of each chapter she offers activities for families to work on together to avoid the probles mentioned in that chapter. I found that a very helpful feature!
I whole heartly recommend, "Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded." You'll like it and if you are dealing with moody kids you will find it very helpful! Way to go Vanessa!
Par Donahue, MD,
Heretofore - as a parent - I only knew of Ms. Van Petten through her blogs and various growing appearances on the small-screen. For such a young woman she is compelling to watch and listen to. Now, since reading "DO I GET MY ALLOWANCE..." I have more insights and understanding about the younger generation and understanding of my own parental challenges.
Ms. Van Petten certainly knows how to speak and communicate on behalf of young people and young adults ... it's really a gift that she also brings perspective from the angle of the parents. It's difficult enough in this highly-charged media world and culture of the 21st Century to find 'voices' that you can trust and that give solid, savvy, family relationship guidance. After reading this book anyone would feel very confident and comfortable with what Vanessa is saying and suggesting re better, healthier family dynamics. A real help! This book is well-worth the time investment. On this most important family subject - 'communication' - Ms. Petten's book is invaluable.
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A must read for parents of teens