Top critical review
20 people found this helpful
More for the commitmentphobic then the passive partner
on April 3, 1999
I have had three commitmentphobic relationships in my life, the last one being the hardest. I wanted to understand why it happened, how to stop the patterns etc and bought as many Steven Carter books as I could on the subject. I read this book some 3 months or so ago. I feel it is a book written more for the commitmentphobic than for the passive partner. Steven explains the behaviourism of commimentphobics and offers some advice in how they can stop the behaviour but doesn't explain how they can do it and Steven didn't really give much detail of his own case history as an example, which I was hoping for.
I personally don't feel it offers much help to the passive partner in how to recover from the relationship as most of Steven's books say just "forget the commitmentphobic and move on" which is easier said than done especially when someone has been such a profound part of your life. I bought Steven's books trying to understand the commitmentphobic and how to heal etc - this book didn't offer that ... when I finished the book, I thought, oh, I didn't really learn much at all and am still searching how to heal.
I have since been reading many other books in an attempt to find ways to help me heal from this (as it's been 5 months since the end of the relationship and I'm still hurting) and recommend that this book be bought (as it does give some insight) to understand a little coming from the commitmentphobic point and to also read books such as Pia Mellody's "Facing Love Addiction - Letting Go of Toxic Love" which shows and helps you work on your own personal healing step by step and at the same time helps you understand why you are a Love Addict (passive partner) and why your partner is an Avoidance Addict (commitmentphobic). It's probably best to read Steven's book as well as I was able to understand Pia's book better having read Steven's book first (hope that made sense).