Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Second Edition Kindle Edition
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As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."
Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism ... with a healing process of mutual growth and support." The text is occasionally dry and technical; however, the information provided is valuable, the case studies are interesting, and the exercises are revealing and helpful. By utilizing his program, Hendrix hopes you too will be able to solve your marital difficulties without the expense of a therapist. --Jenny Brown --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
Getting the Love You Want describes the three stages of intimate relationships, provides illustrative case studies and gives helpful recommendations to overcome the obstacles in those stages to create a stronger bond between couples. First, he chronicles the stages of most relationships-attraction, romantic love and the power struggle-and suggests ways for partners to identify the conflicts associated with each of them. Then, he explores methods for achieving a "Conscious Marriage," where the early phases of romance are rekindled and confrontation is slowly replaced by growth and support. Finally, Dr. Hendrix incorporates these ideas into a unique therapeutic course, offering a series of proven exercises that lead to insight, resolution and revitalization. Step by step, he describes how to communicate with greater accuracy and sensitivity, how to let go of self-defeating behaviors, and how to focus energy on meeting each partners' needs.
With Getting the Love You Want couples in any stage of a relationship can resolve their conflicts and achieve mutual emotional satisfaction.
- Publication Date : December 26, 2007
- Print Length : 395 pages
- Publisher : St. Martin's Griffin; Revised and Updated Edition (December 26, 2007)
- File Size : 538 KB
- Lending : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Language: : English
- ASIN : B000V770GY
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Enhanced Typesetting : Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #370,820 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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The situations described in the book were very, very recognizable to me and at times I felt it described it described me and my own feelings exactly. Read this book, even if it is just for the realization that you are not alone in your struggles to make something out of your marriage.
Nobody goes into marriage thinking they are going get divorced some day, but the statistics are grim. Roughly half of all marriages end up in divorce and of the remaining marriages probably 9 out of 10 couples sooner or later end up leading parallel lives where they try to find happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship with their spouse. That means roughly only 1 in 20 couples end up building a lasting and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Are we expecting too much of marriage? Few of us would undertake an endeavor knowing there is only a 5% of succeeding, yet we do it anyway.
The book goes on to illustrate that we chose our partners for very specific reasons that few of us are even aware of. Out of thousands of potential partners we are attracted to some people that subconsciously meet very specific character and personality traits. In a sense, we all marry into our problems, the very things that attract us to our partners, become the very same issues that drive a wedge between us.
The book is very practical too in that offers specific exercises and guidelines for couples on how to interact with each other. But don't expect it to be easygoing by any means. I realize now that marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment every day to make and stay successful. You have to make it a top priority in your life and take nothing for granted. Expect to do a lot of soul searching, be prepared to relive some gut wrenching and painful experiences from the past, be wiling to learn and undo the conditioned automated responses that you have always used, be prepared to be brutally honest to yourself and your spouse. I fear it might be too late for my own marriage but once you get through this catharsis, I do believe you might actually come out with a happier and more fulfilling relationship on the other end.
Regardless, I implore you to read this book. It might help you save your marriage or relationship before it's too late, but even if it does not, it might make you a better person, it will certainly help you build more meaningful relationships with other people and give you a better chance at building lasting and more meaningful future relationships. Good luck to all of you that need this book.
Top reviews from other countries
It starts off explaining how our childhood experiences lead us to choose the partners we do. It's a Freudian perspective but makes a lot of sense. It then moves on to how to improve your relationship and has countless practical examples and exercises to complete.
It is clear that the authors know what they're talking about and that their methods of supporting couples to improve their relationships are very effective.
I couldn't recommend this more.
Im ersten Teilbereich erklärt Hendrix (IMAGO Therapie Erfinder, langjähriger Paartherapeut) warum wir uns spezielle Partner aussuchen - mit den positiven UND negativen Seiten. Er erklärt wie das "alte Gehirn" sich zunächst rudimentären Instinkten beugt z.B. einen starken Mann oder eine fruchtbare Frau zu suchen. Viel interessanter noch fand ich den Abschnitt zum "neuen Gehirn" - hier stellt er auf, dass wir uns unseren Partner exakt mit seinen positiven Eigenschaften UND insbesondere den negativen Eigenschaften aussuchen, um die Gefühlszustände der Kindheit zu heilen indem wir u.A. die Verletzungen durch unsere Bezugspersonen nochmals erleben und überwinden. Zuviel möchte ich an dieser Stelle nicht verraten, es ist alles im Buch fantastisch und leicht verständlich erklärt.
Im zweiten Teilbereich geht es um den Umgang mit dieser Erkenntnis und wie sich Partnerschaft dadurch verändert - insbesondere wie sie sich wenn gerade der Besuch im langen Schattenland ansteht (kurz vor Trennung) eine Beziehung noch kitten lässt unter der Voraussetzung, dass beide Partner bereit sind es zu versuchen - und das sollten sie! Denn nach Hendrix IMAGO bedeutet es im krassen formuliert, dass wir mit JEDEM Partner lebenslang glücklich sein können, wenn beide sich auf das Thema einlassen. Seine "radikale These" unterstreicht er mit einem großen Seitenhieb in Richtung "Scheidung bedeutet persönlichen Wachstum", hat er in seiner Praxis jedoch festgestellt, dass eine Scheidung oft nur ein Austausch des Individuums mit dem gleichen Resultat ist. Jedenfalls zeigt er im zweiten Abschnitt des Buches sehr deutlich, wie mittlerweile distanzierte Paare wieder zueinander finden können und welche Erkenntnisse aus dem ersten Abschnitt wie im täglichen Umgang zu einem näheren Zusammenwachsen führen können.
Der dritte Abschnitt besteht aus 18 Paarübungen. Diese sind in meinen Augen sinnvoll, egal ob man gerade total verliebt ist oder im Schattenland. Es ist der Schritt aufeinander zu und der ist in jeder Paarsituation bereichernd.
Mein Fazit: ABSOLUTE KAUFEMPFEHLUNG MUSS MAN GELESEN HABEN-BUCH!