- Paperback: 384 pages
- Publisher: Henry Holt & Co; Revised and Updated edition (December 26, 2007)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0805087001
- ISBN-13: 978-0805087000
- Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 1 x 8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 803 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,765 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition Paperback – Bargain Price, December 26, 2007
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"Smart, sophisticated storytelling freighted with real suspense―a very fine novel by any standard." ―Lee Child Pre-order today
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“I know of no better guide for couples who genuinely desire a maturing relationship.” ―M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled
“Getting the Love You Want is a remarkable book--the most incisive and persuasive I have ever read on the knotty problems of marriage relationships.” ―Ann Roberts, former president, Rockefeller Family Fund
“Getting the Love You Want provides a road map for partners seeking a path to intimacy and passionate friendship.” ―Marion Solomon, Ph.D.
“This book will help any couple find the love they want hidden under all the concealing confusion of a close and intimate relationship. I have seen these principles in application and they work!” ―James A. Hall, M.D.
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The situations described in the book were very, very recognizable to me and at times I felt it described it described me and my own feelings exactly. Read this book, even if it is just for the realization that you are not alone in your struggles to make something out of your marriage.
Nobody goes into marriage thinking they are going get divorced some day, but the statistics are grim. Roughly half of all marriages end up in divorce and of the remaining marriages probably 9 out of 10 couples sooner or later end up leading parallel lives where they try to find happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship with their spouse. That means roughly only 1 in 20 couples end up building a lasting and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Are we expecting too much of marriage? Few of us would undertake an endeavor knowing there is only a 5% of succeeding, yet we do it anyway.
The book goes on to illustrate that we chose our partners for very specific reasons that few of us are even aware of. Out of thousands of potential partners we are attracted to some people that subconsciously meet very specific character and personality traits. In a sense, we all marry into our problems, the very things that attract us to our partners, become the very same issues that drive a wedge between us.
The book is very practical too in that offers specific exercises and guidelines for couples on how to interact with each other. But don't expect it to be easygoing by any means. I realize now that marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment every day to make and stay successful. You have to make it a top priority in your life and take nothing for granted. Expect to do a lot of soul searching, be prepared to relive some gut wrenching and painful experiences from the past, be wiling to learn and undo the conditioned automated responses that you have always used, be prepared to be brutally honest to yourself and your spouse. I fear it might be too late for my own marriage but once you get through this catharsis, I do believe you might actually come out with a happier and more fulfilling relationship on the other end.
Regardless, I implore you to read this book. It might help you save your marriage or relationship before it's too late, but even if it does not, it might make you a better person, it will certainly help you build more meaningful relationships with other people and give you a better chance at building lasting and more meaningful future relationships. Good luck to all of you that need this book.
The book is not perfect. Deliberately aimed at a popular audience, the writing is sometimes too simplified. There are links and connections that can be inferred, but that are not spelled out in the book. And HH's optimistic methods are not likely to work for the deeply disturbed or traumatized individual, simply because the degree of change called for is too great.
I give this book to every couple I know, straight or gay, who are getting married.