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Showing 1-10 of 599 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 771 reviews
on April 30, 2014
I rarely write reviews but felt compelled to write one about this book. It was loaned to me by my therapist. My wife and I have been struggling in our marriage for years and no matter what I do (or she does), we always seem to fall back on the same old patterns of behavior that don't seem to work. Falling out of love has been a very painful experience indeed.
The situations described in the book were very, very recognizable to me and at times I felt it described it described me and my own feelings exactly. Read this book, even if it is just for the realization that you are not alone in your struggles to make something out of your marriage.
Nobody goes into marriage thinking they are going get divorced some day, but the statistics are grim. Roughly half of all marriages end up in divorce and of the remaining marriages probably 9 out of 10 couples sooner or later end up leading parallel lives where they try to find happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship with their spouse. That means roughly only 1 in 20 couples end up building a lasting and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Are we expecting too much of marriage? Few of us would undertake an endeavor knowing there is only a 5% of succeeding, yet we do it anyway.
The book goes on to illustrate that we chose our partners for very specific reasons that few of us are even aware of. Out of thousands of potential partners we are attracted to some people that subconsciously meet very specific character and personality traits. In a sense, we all marry into our problems, the very things that attract us to our partners, become the very same issues that drive a wedge between us.
The book is very practical too in that offers specific exercises and guidelines for couples on how to interact with each other. But don't expect it to be easygoing by any means. I realize now that marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment every day to make and stay successful. You have to make it a top priority in your life and take nothing for granted. Expect to do a lot of soul searching, be prepared to relive some gut wrenching and painful experiences from the past, be wiling to learn and undo the conditioned automated responses that you have always used, be prepared to be brutally honest to yourself and your spouse. I fear it might be too late for my own marriage but once you get through this catharsis, I do believe you might actually come out with a happier and more fulfilling relationship on the other end.
Regardless, I implore you to read this book. It might help you save your marriage or relationship before it's too late, but even if it does not, it might make you a better person, it will certainly help you build more meaningful relationships with other people and give you a better chance at building lasting and more meaningful future relationships. Good luck to all of you that need this book.
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on August 26, 2017
A wonderful book that has been updated after 20 years of more tried and true field experience. This additional fine tuning will help even more individuals/couples get the love that they want. Easy to read with good real life examples of couples who struggle to heal their wounds and those of their partner. The personal insights alone were worth the read, but to have a road map of healing myself and helping my husband to heal were priceless. I have purchased this book as a gift for many people -- some were burgeoning psychotherapists that I thought could use some help understanding the much deeper meaning of the re-occurring scenarios in marital discord -- some were mature couples ready to re-define and re-shape their marriage into something much deeper and more satisfying -- other recipients were young couples whose marriage was in trouble and needed the assurance not to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble and to use the road map [exercises and weekend workshops] to return to getting the love that they wanted and were often desperately while still in the first throws of romantic love. The authors have "been there/done that" and live the examples that they so lovingly write about. Even if your spouse/significant other is not inclined to seek/receive help, even if you are single and no longer want to be or even if you want to delve deeper into your own psyche to heal some of your personal wounds this book will be a tremendous help on the way to a deeper understanding of yourself amd of others. You don't have to have an intimate and/or close relationship with someone to appreciate their wounds -- your friends, family, children, acquaintances, and even in the macrocosm -- your community -- to better understand, appreciate and compassionately live with them. I highly recommend this book as a resource to getting the love you want in your life.
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on September 3, 2017
Information in here seems really outdated. I didn't find it very useful, didn't seem to apply to me. For one thing it seems to be geared toward married couples. The world has changed a lot in 20 years.
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on January 28, 2017
Useful. Great to process with your mate. Do a little at a time though, as it will bring up stuff, but air is cleared. Probably best used with a professional, but progress can be made and great insights gained.
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on December 21, 2012
Strange format on the kindle. It is hard to read and follow. I long-time partner and I each bought it to improve the relationship. I am a family therapist by training and feel it has some very important pieces and has recommended it to others to use. The flaw is the format. I would by it hard copy.
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on October 27, 2016
Great book for anyone who wants to improve their relationships
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on June 15, 2017
Great read! Def great for all types of relationships or if you're just trying to learn more about you. Highly recommend! Book arrived in excellent condition!
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on August 5, 2015
Great books. It is a must that both partners are on board and adhere to schedule. Love takes work. Marriage takes work. Commitments takes work. Do the work for a loving nurturing self and partnership.
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on January 4, 2013
Amazing my husband and I are in this together. This book is an amazing toolbox full of self discovery and marriage repair. I highly recommend this book to all couples whether married or in a serious relationship.
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on April 27, 2017
Get the work book and do it with your beloved. It has such a positive influence in our relationship.
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